August 11th 2008 6:53 am
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A few days ago, the humans started their quadrennial international competitions. They have foot races, swimming competitions, and see how far they can throw spears. As a cat, I would find these competitions more entertaining if they were done in the wilderness and were racing from alligators and lions, or trying to spear their dinner before they starve, but sadly, they are merely about fitness and not survival.
The cats have their own olympic games, of course, but they are far more casual and done not so much for medals as pure love of sport. From archery (which tests the suppleness of our backs) to yowling (no explanation needed), the cat olympics are both thrilling to watch and fun to compete in. My own sports are simple laps (at milk, in a little bowl) to the recumbent decathlon, which involves sitting on and in several different items with a panel of judges scoring on apparent laziness, relaxation, and contentment.
Lucy is engaged in the Begging competition, while Torii and Gilda are competing in the men's and women's freestyle demanding contests, respectively. Our baby girl Pippi hopes to compete in the winter olympics in 2010, in the sport of Snow Batting, which she does brilliantly through the picture window.
July 30th 2008 12:41 pm
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I am an ardent believer in free speech, which I practice between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning, often while walking across the bedroom furniture. The right to free expression is extremely important, so the following is not to be taken as a move toward censorshop, merely towards more thoughtfulness and sensitivity.
I am speaking of the "LOL-cat" phenomenon in which others, mostly humans, and perhaps a few dogs, take photographs of cats and label them with poorly-spelled and agrammatical slogans. These are supposed to represent the cats fractured, simplistic thoughts. "I can has cheezburge?" the cat will seem to say, or "moar" or "nom non nom." The memes of these outrages further insinuate that cats have pretensions to greatness, that they are dimwitted, and that they are obsessed with food.
I speak as a victim of such a vile construction, as you can see here:
http://tinyurl.com/58n5zv
The truth is that thing was stuck on my head by my humans, and they took the photograph and labeled it. I did not for one second feel like an "alleyfant," mitey or otherwise. Nor did I wish to be one, or think I had anyone fooled.
It's all too easy to create such graphics, as you can see:
http://tinyurl.com/6896m7
But being a classier animal than my humans, I won't resort to that sort of thing.
As fellow mammals, I hope that we can all agree to portray our fellows with more respect.... and maybe we can all LOL together instead of LOLling at one another.
June 18th 2008 12:55 pm
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Over the last year, Mom has been learning about the benefits of locally-grown food, and as such she has been purchasing about 75% of the food she and Dad eat from the local farmers markets.
I've found the organic, lactose-free milk she's started purchasing as a result of this effort to be far superior to the milk she had previously been serving. I decided to investigate the local foods movement for myself.
There are many benefits to buying food grown in your area. The most obvious and direct benefit is that the food is fresher than food that has been shipped from another state, or perhaps even another country. Fresher food is more nutritious and tastes better. And of course, bringing food a shorter distance uses far less petroleum than from a longer distance. The economical and ecological benefits are quite obvious.
Cheaper, greener, more nutritious and better tasting. Now, how can a feline involve him or herself in this important food trend?
The answer, I believe, lies in the study of invasive species. Birdwatching is a favorite hobby of mine, and I've noticed lately a marked lack of diversity in our neighborhood avian community. It makes for dull birdwatching, as you can imagine.
As it turns out, the birds I see most often at the window feeders, European Starlings and English House Sparrows, are invasive species. These two birds were introduced to the Americas in the late 1800's and since then have used quite aggressive means to overtake native populations of birds, in particular, the Purple Martin.
The Purple Martin is a quite delightful bird, like his fellow midwesterners, an interesting and hard-working character. He eats mainly flying insects of the unwelcome variety such as mosquitoes and houseflies.
However, the Purple Martin likes the same kind of dwelling that the EH Sparrow and the European Starling do. The two newcomers will stop at nothing to wrest a good home from the Purple Martin. Thus, the numbers of Purple Martins have dwindled to ten percent of what they were 100 years ago.
I shall now propose my thought, which I hope you will not find objectionable.
My research in feline nutrition has taught me that fresh, high protein meats are the best food for a cat. European Starlings and English House Sparrows are quite high in protein, and can be caught locally, so are therefore very fresh.
I humbly propose that we felines -- an introduced species ourselves, I'll allow -- be given the privilege of bettering our ecosystem by thinning the numbers of these invasive birds. At the same time, we will reduce the number of bags of kitty food to be shipped to our local stores, thus saving petroleum, and we will be providing a more welcoming habitat for useful species such as the Purple Martin.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must speak to Mom and Dad about the matter of letting me outside off-leash once in a while.
Yours in good citizenship,
Bertram
June 5th 2008 11:32 am
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Now that the two major party candidates have been chosen, I have been asked to voice my opinion regarding the human political election. The Democrats have chosen Barack Obama, and the Republicans have chosen John McCain. Both are currently Senators, which is interesting from the perspective that the Senate is a representative body, not a governance body. It is not the best preparation for the presidency, but success in the Senate requires the ability to reach across the aisle and build coalitions. It is my theory that the humans are tired of their leaders fighting, and chose those candidates who had demonstrated this skill for compromise and cooperation with success in the Senate, as well as electing candidates who have proven to appeal to their opponents' parties. I would hope that the election proceeds with demonstration of this by careful discussion of the issues and not character assassination.
Now, for my choice -- who is best for cats? If Mr. Obama is better for the economy, with a plan to restore vitality to the US Economy, it would mean more milk in the refrigerator for many cats and their working class families. However, Mr. McCain is savvy on foreign policy, and may be better for national security. If this is a stark decision between morning milk and safe naps in sun patches on the floor, I choose both. I think we should elect Mr. Obama and name Mr. McCain to the Secretary of Defense. Problem solved.
- Betram Ocelot (hey, I have the same initials as my next president!)
May 27th 2008 8:06 am
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I'd completely forgotten I started this online diary, and lately I've been urged by friends and family to take it up again. I have my reservations about maintaining a "web-log," since I don't particularly see the need to air my dirty laundry or post public confessionals or whatever it is others do with these blogs.
Kurtis encouraged me to see the weblog as an opportunity to share my thoughts, to take the stage as a public intellectual, one who articulates the tabby perspective on pressing social and political issues. I reflected on this for a while and thought, yes, I do have a desire to pontificate in that regard. Hence the re-titling and fresh start on this weblog.
For example, the milk issue. There is much attention in the national press about world hunger and escalating food prices, but little specificity on milk futures. This is the most serious Tabby-related issue since the tainted food disaster of last year (about which I have much to say, but will now restrain myself).
Milk is important to tabby cats. We take a small bowl of lactose-free milk every morning at precisely when mom gets up, heated up to 72 degrees farenheit. Now, corn is often the main food of cows, and furthermore fuel is required to transport the corn to the cattle and the milk to the grocery store. There is a direct link between the commodities that are currently spiking in value and the affordability of milk. This is of grave concern to tabby cats around the world.
However, this black cloud does have a silver lining. One possibility is that as milk prices go up, the demand for milk will subside, and the cost will come back down. Another possibility is that milk will be sold in smaller quantities, wasted less, and bought more frequently and therefor more likely to be fresh.
For my part, I will endeavor to finish my milk every morning so not a drop is wasted. It is encumbant upon tabbies to play our role in managing the crisis.
Yours in tabbitude,
- Bertram Ocelot
June 8th 2007 7:14 am
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I love Mom and Dad. I truly do. Mom gives me my milky treat every morning, Dad gives me little scritches and appreciates my ocelot-y nature. But yesterday, they failed me. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the next couple of days.
You see, yesterday, Dad poured the last of the seed into the bird feeder. They've known for days that they were running out of bird seed, and have been commenting on how quickly the birds have been eating it. They really should have anticipated running out of seed and gone out to get MORE.
This morning I watched a couple finches snatch the last seeds in the tray. A sparrow came later and examined the hulls and scraps left there, and flew away. The squirrels and the chipmunk have eaten the last of the fallen seeds from the grass. The rabbit has started eating the flowers on the other side of the steps, and I can't see over there.
The window is cracked open, it's a lovely day, but there's nothing to watch. It's going to be a long, long day. Come home soon, Mom and Dad. Bring bird seed.
June 7th 2007 7:47 am
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You know how sometimes kids say, "I didn't choose to be in this family?" I can't say that, because I did.
I was stuck in a stainless steel cage at the Humane Society -- the one in Golden Valley, Minnesota, it's pretty plush as far as those places go -- and a man and woman came up to look at me. They seemed to recognize me, they knew my name and everything. The brought me to a little room where we could get to know each other. I hadn't been out where everyone could see me for very long, so I didn't really know what was going on. I was pretty keen on stretching my long legs, so I just ran around the little room. Eventually the couple put me back in the little cage.
I saw them pick another cat out of a cage and take him to a little room, and started to realize they were pretty good people. The guy had a nice voice and the woman had nice soft hands for petting. They smelled like cats, too, which is always a good sign. I had to make them notice me again!
Luckily, the man walked by my cage again. I meowed very loudly at him. It worked! He opened my cage and brought me to another room. This time I nuzzled him a little and then we played with a little ball. I batted it around and tried to look extra cute.
Pretty soon the woman came back. She didn't recognize me at first, but when she sat down, I came over and stood on her lap for a while. Then she took her jacket off. I hadn't had a soft place to sleep for a while, so I curled right up in her jacket.
That was all it took. The woman fell for me like an old tree in a strong wind. They brought me home, where I met my new brother Torii and my big sister Gilda. Life is pretty great.
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