I have gone over the Rainbow

My time is over. At 7:30 pm today my life here on earth has completed. My life over the Rainbow has begun. I wait for my family. I'll watch over my family.

It's ending.

My time here is ending soon. I didn't think I'd leave this early. I'm not even 14 yet. Mommy and Daddy took great care of me. But even doing everything right can't compete with God's will.

I haven't been breathing very well for over two months. It's been getting harder and harder. Mommy thought it's because I was over heated since the air conditioner wasn't working right. She took me to the vet for what she calls "old kitty blood work" Everything was okay. At that time my mommy had noticed the breathing issue for only a week. It wasn't that bad. Since then it's been worse. Mommy didn't have money to take me to the vet again yet.

I was scared last week. I kept feeling like something was in my chest and throat. Like I just had to get it out. I kept trying to throw up but nothing came out. Mommy was scared and made the appointment anyway. Luckily she got something from the government that helped pay for it. She told me it was tim-you-luss.

The night before the vet was really scary. I was making very loud howling and meowing sounds and was hacking and trying to throw up that lump in my chest. I couldn't do it. After a while I finally gave up and laid down to sleep. Mommy and daddy were very very frightened. Mommy video recorded it in case the vet needed it.

We went the next day. My x-rays showed nothing. Meaning I was so filled with fluid they could barely see my ribs. I lost a pound. Mommy agreed to have the Dr. release the fluid. He couldn't let me sleep. He was too afraid I'd never wake up. I was awake for it. I stayed still for him and for my mommy and daddy.

More x-rays. Dr. couldn't get much out. He said it was "kile" fluid. But I dont' have an infection. The x-rays didn't look good. My ribs and intestines were there. He couldn't see my heart. He saw two very light outlines of something dark where my heart is supposed to be. He said he couldn't drain much fluid because something was in the way. He tried and tried but he only got 5% of the fluid that was inside me.

My lungs are smothered. I can't breathe well anymore. Surgury will for sure kill me. Cortison shots might buy some time but mommy doesn't want to be selfish. She keeps asking me to tell her when I'm ready to go. But I don't know how to tell her. And I don't know if I'm ready. Mommy keeps saying she's not ready to make this big decision.

I've been with my mommy since she was a little girl. She so upset. My brother keeps hissing at me. My friends keep checking on me. Even Indy is watching over me. She and I usually fight. But not anymore.

Mommy wishes she didn't have to make this decision yet. But the Dr. said if she doesn't, I'll suffer more and more towards the end. Sometimes I feel okay. I perk up and love on mommy a teeny bit. But I get too tired and just lay down where I am.

Mommy said she was supposed to buy me a house first. And that I was to make the decision as to when I would leave the earth. And when she found me she would cry with joy that I went to see the rest of her family that has gone over the rainbow. But things never turn out the way we plan, mommy says.

I love my mommy and daddy and my family. But I don't know what to tell her or how to tell her what to do. But don't delay the inevitable. Medicine will only buy short time. This is my end.

I probably won't be able to write again. But I know mommy will check on my page often. I will wait for her and my family. For me it will be a blink of the eye until I see them all again. But it will be a long time for my mommy and daddy. But I know they will never ever forget me. Daddy tells mommy I will be watched over by his daddy. I hope so. I can't wait to meet him.

Mommy's crying again. I need to get up and make her feel better.
This is my end. My rainbow is coming.