ARGs: Challenges and Solutions in Difficult Times

I have to confess, I've been very lazy about keeping up with Catster lately. To be honest, I've spent all my waking hours considering new schemes to either perpetrate myself, or to talk that kiss-up, do gooder, goody two shoes Maggie to commit. Despite many online searches, brain teasers trying to stimulate the right hemisphere, and doing many meditative and written exercises to channel my energy to innervate and invigorate my creative muscles, my brain continues to be a nerve-racking, agitated hum of silence, as if nary a synapse will choose to fire again.

The beautiful thing is that despite this dearth of activity and ideas, my reputation persists. Today I received an email from an Honorable Detective, member of our protectorate, the Samoa Detective Agency, inquiring as to whether Iwas the Serial Anonymous Rosetter, the Smiling Cat. This dude is eluisve and has been on the run for a long time. I was honored that I was a "Cat of Interest" in this case, and happy to know that once you've built yourself a reputation, it takes longer than a few months of creative famine to lose the name that you worked so hard to establish.

As someone who has some personal insights into the mind of a repeat offender, I can offer these suggestions for understanding the criminal mind and for guessing his next move. This dude is smart, so look out for these clues:
1) The repeat offender gets pleasure from watching the detectives struggle to solve his case. He will revisit the scene of the crime and will likely be one of the spectators while detectives gather clues.
2) To avoid being caught, he will leave dummy pawprints behind to foil the detectives. He may even send clues to the detectives, pretending to be unconnected to the crime.
3) The offender will have a carefully constructed alibi often claiming to be out hunting or chasing squirrels at the time the rosette was left.
4) A repeat ARG is likely to fit the profile of a cat who is a fearless thrill seeker. Some evidence suggests they have frontal lobe damage, but that can only be ascertained with an MRI, which isn't likely to help in narrowing down the list of suspected cats. Punishment does not deter them because they are impulsive and bold in the face of consequences (citation from "Till ARGs Are Caught: Anatomy of an ARG and How to Protect Yourself").

It would behoove our community to create a Google map of the convicted, who have served their sentences and returned to living in the community at large. ARGs have an extraordinarily high rate of recidivism, and despite any promises to reform, they often eagerly and deliberately revert back to their former behavior once released. Once a cat succumbs, and is brought within the folds of ARGing, he no longer has control of his actions. We would do well to not underestimate the high that an ARG gets with each new gift given, the addictive nature of ARGing, and the psychological challenges an ARG wishing to reform himself must battle. We would benefit from knowing where they lurk, and perhaps could all do with a support group for those who want to change but don't know how.

Just my two cents. Good luck detectives! I hope you get this menace to our community.

Leto, The Evil, Criminal Assisting Those Seeking Justice

A little depressed

Maggie got whisked off to the kennel today because mom is going on vacation. Now I have no one to torment. I haven't made any progress on the ARG clues. I think I'm feeling a little depressed.

Maybe I can find Michael Vick and torment him. I used to torment my mom by doing my business in the corner of her dining room and then convincing Goody Four Paws Elliot to do the same. From the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, I don't have that capability though. Power of suggestion is my only tool, which granted, I use quite effectively.

I'll have to think of something else. Maybe I can work with the dogs to see if we can't change Mr. Vick's mind about the definition of sport. I hope he ends up bankrupt and living in a cardboard box for the rest of his life, though prison would be more fitting. Prison with electric pottys and forks.

Leto, T.E.

Anonymous Rosetted!!

Get out guys! Get this! I've been anonymous rosetted! I'm so excited. I love a good game.

Okay, let me catch my breath here....wooooo....

Okay, this is what my ARG said,

"I is not a mallow" in a picture of the most scrumptious little white kitten you ever saw in the middle of a bunch of big marshmellows.

Big ones, not the little kind you put in your hot chocolate, but the bigs ones you put on a skewer over the campfire. Ooo she/he is a cutie. Of course, me being me, I'd still chase that little booger around the house and terrorize him until he almost had a heart attack.

Hmm...maybe that kitty is in the middle of those big marshmellows knowing that I would be just the type to skewer him. No, no. He couldn't know that. Elliot hasn't had time to spread his vicious gossip about me yet. I'm going to have to put on my devious, plotting thinking cap. I only just put it in the closet, so I only have a few dust mites to knock off it...

Thanks cute little rosetter, you. I'll hunt you down...

Leto, T.E.

P.S.

P.S. Maggie, Phbbbbbbttttttt!

I feel like a King

Well , what do ya know! I'm more popular than that goody two paws Maggie. Hannah, Sawyer, and Boogers, Dexter and Chester all gave me stars and rosettes. Thanks so much everycat! That was so kind of you.

I feel so special. Boy, it feels so good to be able to be yourself and still be appreciated. Maggie and Elliot try to make me think I have to be like them to have friends, in other words, completely without a personality!!

Thanks friends!! Have a great weekend!

Leto, T.E. Good Just the Way I am!

Pbhlttttttt!

Hey Maggie!

Pppppppbbbbbbbbhlttttttt! I have two stars and some friends of my own now. What do you think about that? Pppppppbbbbbbbbhlttttttt!!!


Maybe I won't turn over a new leaf. I love tormenting Maggie.

Leto. T.E.

Turning over a new leaf?

I'm feeling a little unsettled right now. My persona has always been Leto, the Hateful, the Evil. I'm the one who breaks things and isn't friendly. I'm the one with the claws and not afraid to use them.

But now...with all these cats being nice to me...I don't know...I'm seeing a new side to myself. I've been thinking, maybe I don't have to get Maggie in trouble whenever I can. Maybe I could channel my energy for good?

I don't know. I have to think about it. Maybe I will turn over a new leaf.

Leto, Still The Evil, but We'll See...

Goody Four Paws

I see Elliot, Goody Four Paws has returned to spy on me. I thought I was rid of him. Stupid furball. He was always such a pain, little suck-up, doing whatever mom wanted.

"Oh, pet me, I'm sweet and nice. I use the scratching post."

Makes me want to throw up in my mouth just remembering it.

Anyway, apparently Morris thought I was up to no good and has sent him back to watch me. Pulllleasssee!

Leto, The Evil Til the End of Time

Channeling Devious Kitty Energy

Well, I guess it's about time to fess up. I've kept my secret for a long time now, but I think it's safe to share. I'm still being devious from the beyond. My kidnapper, we'll call her CC, got a new kitty about eight years ago, after I passed on. But I wasn't gone. I'm still here trying to create new ways to torment CC.

You see, I was a bit mischeivous when I was alive. I was never happier than when I was breaking some valuable object. Whenever I saw something placed on an upper shelf, I took that as the gauntlet being thrown, a dare, a challenge. When I could launch something from it's perch, the higher the better, I found, I derived great satisfaction from watching an object break into thousands of tiny little shards.

I didn't like being told what to do. CC would try to discipline me with a squirt bottle full of water, but hello, I was a stray in Florida for a year before I became her captive. Not like I hadn't lived through plenty of thunderstorms. Not to say that I enjoyed being squirted, it was more the audacity of CC thinking that she had any right to tell me how to live, what I could or couldn't do.

It wasn't all bad. CC did make sure I was fed and vaccinated. I had a warm, safe place to sleep and I didn't have to find cover anymore whenever a storm came.

Still, there was nothing I loved more than a good fight.

That is why for the last eight years, whenever Ms. Precious Little Spoiled Maggie misbehaves, I'm really the one behind it. Maggie has mentioned her favorite Staring Game. Well, she's not always staring at nothing. She doesn't like to admit it because she doesn't think anyone will believe her.

Sometimes I put her up to a little mischief. For instance, until a few months ago, she didn't know about liking bowls on counters, but I taught her that trick. She's such a goody-goody. Her obsequiousness is vile and it turns my stomach.

My favorite trick used to be to lick the chocolate off a donut left on the kitchen counter. The donuts would be set out, to warm up to room temperature so that they were delectable when it was time to eat. Of all things, I had to be captured by a donut connoisseur. But an unchaperoned donut was impossible to resist. That cold chocolate icing needed no improving or warming. I have yet to teach Maggie this trick. CC seems to be off donuts these days.

I need to get back to scheming. I'll share more of my delightfully devilish plans soon.

Leto, The Evil