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Alaidh's not so daily diary

One Year

It's been one whole year since my little girl left me. I can't believe it's been that long.

I could say I miss her as much now as I did a year ago, but the truth is, I don't think about her as often. I feel guilty about this for some reason. When I do think about her, I miss her horribly.

The thing that has reminded me of her recently is, of all things, Olympic snowboarding and skiing! Those of you who have cared for elderly cats will know what I mean - the course looks like a line of pee pads!!

I would like to thank the few people who remembered and sent me rosettes and messages - you know who you are. Thank you.

Six months

Today marked six months since my little girl left me. I still miss her terribly every day. Catster has changed for me, as well, since she died.

The recent poll asking if people would consider taxidermy after their cats passed away made me think about how different people grieve for their animals. I personally could never do this, but I'm sure some would find it comforting.

Another thing I can never do is post as Alaidh again. I know many here on Catster do, but for me it's just too upsetting. One of my favourite groups requires this if I am to post in all but one thread. Because of this, I felt the need to leave that group, since I could no longer share my kitty experiences or wisdom in any of the other threads unless I did something that felt so wrong to me. It seems I have lost some friends because of it, too.

I have gone back and forth considering leaving Catster altogether, but I don't want to lose all of the lovely messages and rosettes I received on Alaidh's page, nor do I want to lose touch with some of the lovely people whose cats have pages here. I still haven't completely decided what to do, though.

I'm not sure where this belief that you must pretend to be your cat to post on Catster came from, but I could find no evidence of it in Catster rules. Catster is about the cats and always will be, I wouldn't want it any other way, but my little Alaidh is gone now. She no longer sits on my lap or on my shoulder while I type up her diary or her comments. Sometimes I feel her spirit here, but maybe it's my imagination.

I really don't know where her little spirit is, but I hope she's with Sammie, possibly curled up beside my granny and grampa. She wasn't the "fields of butterflies" kind of kitty. Wherever she is, I just hope she's happy.

And please believe me when I say, I don't hate anybody...I never did.

Thank You

I know I won't be able to thank everyone personally - I can try, but I'm afraid I'll miss someone - there were so many messages of condolence, rosettes, etc. Every one made me cry and smile at the same time. The support at Catster is so wonderful, I only wish it had been around when Sammie passed away.

There are a few messages I will answer personally, as they did ask me questions and I want to answer, but if you don't receive a reply from me, it's not because your message or rosette was any less important. Every single one of them has helped get me through this very difficult time and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.