A Cat's MEOW by Kaci Sunshine

Hello! and Merry Christmas!

December 22nd 2013 8:16 pm
[ View A Comments (19) ]

Hello to everyone from Rainbow Bridge!

I'm fine here at Rainbow Bridge. Miss Mittens and I are ecstatic that we're together again. We love our beautiful gossamer wings and flying and soaring through the clouds, chasing butterflies, playing tag and going on picnics with our friends in the rainbow meadow and napping in the catnip gardens! Our angel siblings Callie, Pete, Jennifer & Abby are also with us and we've been having a blast! There's only one thing that makes us sad and that's mommy. She's having a rough time of it.

Mommy has been very sick and housebound for the past 3 weeks. She caught one of the nastiest URIs she's ever had. It started with 4 days of fever and then the whole nine yards afterwards. The doctor says she doesn't have bronchitis but her coughing has been brutal. The only times she's been out were to go to the doctor, the pharmacy and occasionally to take grandma somewhere. Even going out for short times made her feel worse. Despite all the medicines she's been taking, it's been taking a long time for her to get better but yesterday she finally started to feel better. Feeling so sick and unable to do much of anything means she's been lying around feeling miserable, thinking about me, feeling sadder and sadder every day and crying her eyes out. She misses me very much and her grief is as raw and painful as it was 2 months ago. Today is Abby's Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day and also 2 months today since I came to the Bridge. It's been a rough day for mommy.

A few days before mommy got sick, she attended a pet loss support group meeting. Everyone was very kind and mommy told everyone all about me and showed everyone lots of pictures of me. Everyone was very kind and everyone actually looked at my pictures even though all the others who had lost pets had all lost their doggies. One of the leaders of the group -- to mommy's surprise -- was the veterinarian who treated me at the ER that Sunday in early October when I first got so sick. He talked to mommy for a long, long time about her concerns. Mommy thought that maybe if she could have given me a few more days, I might have bounced back. He discussed end stage kidney disease and how sick and exhausted I must have been feeling and that I was so close to the end, there was nothing anyone could really do to help me. He explained how dying from CKD can take a long time and yes, perhaps I could have hung on longer but then he explained what a long, slow, painful and horrid death dying from CKD can be. He helped mommy find peace that she didn't do anything hasty and that she did the right thing for me at exactly the right time. Mommy is very grateful to him and everyone in the group for their help.

Last week, one of the grief counselors called mommy. Mommy wasn't ready to talk then so the counselor gave mommy a homework assignment and said when mommy was ready, to call her back and they'd talk. Mommy had to write about me along with how losing me was making her so sad. She also was told to write down everything and anything else that came up, because there are always other issues and past griefs involved. Mommy did and it was very tough. She wrote and wrote and cried and cried and eventually got it all down in coherent form. And other issues did come up. Mommy called the counselor and they talked for 2 hours.

Mommy knows it was my time, knows she did everything she could for me and feels at peace about it. The thing is, she misses me . . . really, really misses me! She wants to see me, hold me, smell me, pet me, kiss me, talk to me, hear me . . . The counselor told mommy she will ALWAYS miss me, she'll never stop missing me and she'll never get over it. Once mommy truly comes to terms with that, she can begin to heal and move on. And they discovered the real issue underlying mommy's deep sadness.

The painful issue causing so much grief, pain, anger and guilt is what happened during the final hour and minutes of my sister Miss Mittens' life and the cold, callous and cruel way she was treated and handled. My passing was dignified and done in a caring, compassionate way and so was every one of mommy's other kitties. Mittens deserved the same compassionate and dignified ending the rest of us had. Mommy has never talked about what happened with Mittens and has been unable to talk about it to anyone. She couldn't let herself think about it or deal with it and shoved it down inside her, where it's been festering for 3 years. She won't say what happened to Mittens here in my diary either.

The counselor says mommy has to deal with it now. She should have spoken up back then and made an official complaint. Now she has to give voice to it and speak. She has to do it not only for herself, but for Mittens. Mommy is the only voice Mittens has and she has to speak up for Mittens. Mommy has to write a letter. She doesn't know the present whereabouts of the intended recipient and she may have to talk to others who may not want to get involved. It's going to be a difficult thing for mommy to do but she must do it for Mittens, she must speak up for Mittens. The counselor says it will help mommy deal with her anger and pain and help her heal.

Mommy will never again write anything this personal in my diary (or any of her other kitties' diaries) or in any public forum. She's not sure she's doing the right thing by writing about it here . . .


From all of us here at Rainbow Bridge -- Miss Mittens, Callie, Abby, Pete, Jennifer and me -- we wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love & hugs,
Kaci

 
Purred by: Monida (Catster Member)

December 22nd 2013 at 8:43 pm

I think if it helps you heal, it's absolutely the right place to write it!

We love you all!! Hugs, purrs and Merry Christmas!
Purred by: WeBeesSiameezers (Catster Member)

December 22nd 2013 at 8:53 pm

We love to listen and that is the best part of Catster and all the furends here...we know to a degree what it is you feel in grief, because so many of us have lost kitties, and some were sick and some went to the RB in tragic ways, but all are angels and if it wasn't for this place our grief would be that much harder to deal with because we would be carrying it alone.

Our meowmy only wishes she had been here long ago, so far all her angel kitties were angels before she came here with us.

Sending lots of purrs and hugs.
We sure hope your body will get rid of this yucky URI. Meowmy is trying not to have one herself...cough...cough...

Happy Christmas mews to you all
Purred by: Mietzi Katze (Catster Member)

December 22nd 2013 at 9:02 pm

Kaci, it's OK for your Mom to write this here. We understand. I'm glad that she found a nice group of people who will help her heal. We're purring and praying for your Mom.
Purred by: Timo Katze - DB #105 (Catster Member)

December 22nd 2013 at 9:09 pm

Mietzi furgot to say Merry Christmas to you. Also, Mom says it does get easier with time to think about our angel kitties. And you can get over it with time, lots of time. Mom knows the kitties she has lost are in heaven now and one day she'll see them again.
Purred by: ishtar *proud wobnapt* (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 12:12 am

oh, kaci... my person sits here with tears in her eyes... she wishes she could just come over to give your mom a hug. we do have such a painful experience with an inadequate treatment (and human behavior!) here, too. human told me those stories. they're breathtaking sad and it makes me shiver to learn that my calico sister mittens had such undignified acts, too. i will send prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs over prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs to your mom to give her the power and energy to be mittens' voice! human would join me if she could only purr. we're here for your mom! tell her, please!

we both hope that you'll be able to send your mom some calming thoughts from the bridge and we do hope she'll have a merry christmas! i am thinking of you and mittens!
Purred by: ♥ Jezebel RIP ♥ (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 12:13 am

Sending your momma purrs.
Purred by: ♥ Princess ♥ (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 2:30 am

Kaci We are all Your Mom's friends here and We would all listen and not judge if it would help Her. Sending lot's of healing hugs to Your Mom!!
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 6:14 am

It's okay to write it here, we understand. I think you remember that my Alex passed in the car on the way to the ER. It was horrible and traumatic and I'll never get over it. So I understand being haunted by this. Please know you can talk to us about it if you need to.
Purred by: Platelicker ♥ DB#69 (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 7:24 am

Kaci we are happy to listen to your Mommy here. This is a place of caring for each other, to express our joys and our griefs, and to help each other heal.

Your Mommy can write about Mittens here because some folks still deal with similar feelings. Sometimes we don't think we can tell some things but when we do it helps us and others. It is ok to express our sorrows here.

Hope your Mommy feels better and can enjoy Christmas.

Love and Huggs,
Platelicker, PurrFamily and MC Debbie
Purred by: Jasper, Angel Dreamboat #49a (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 10:18 am

My Mom says your Mom is among friends here, Kaci. She should not be afraid to share her sorrow with us. Mom says all the humans understand, and that if each of them could take away a tiny piece of her pain, they would gladly do that.

My family is sending extra purrs and prayers to her, and to you and Miss Mittens.

Would you and Miss Mittens care to join Onyx and me for a flight along the rainbow? We feel like stretching our wings.
Purred by: Callie (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 11:33 am

This is the perfect place to share this. You are among friends who understand the pain and loss of losing a beloved family member.

Sending oodles of purrs to your Mom during this hard time.
Purred by: Kaci Sunshine - Beloved Angel (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 8:29 pm

Thank you everyone for your kind words! It helped to write about it. Mommy knows many of your kitties have had much more horrible and traumatic things happen and she understands and feels so sad when she learns about some things. Nothing is worse than having something like that happen . . .
:((

Today mommy told a friend what happened to Mittens and it helped talking about it. Her friend was very upset and wanted mommy complain to the *powers that be*, but mommy won't do that. She'll stick with the advice the counselor gave her. When mommy gave the name of the vet to her friend, it took her 2 minutes to google the vet and find out where she is and get an address for her (she's in another state now). Sometimes mom feels so inadequate . . . but now has all the info she needs to proceed.

Purring that you're all doing well and have a wonderfur Christmas holiday!

Love, hugs & purrs,
Kaci
Purred by: ♥Kally Kat♥ (Catster Member)

December 23rd 2013 at 9:24 pm

We are heyah for you Mom Teri, this is where we are to love, support & feel for one another, as we know how deep our feelings goes for our furrkids & their families too!

It took a lot of strength to be able to share all of your feelings, pain, sadness & love!

It's perfectly alright to feel what you need to feel for what ever time it takes.

I read from other furriends of ours heyah had gone through & for some it may take forever & that's okay too!

It's been 21 years now, since my first Cat Mitty went to kitty heavens, only I had no one to turn to & no Catster!

If I didn't have my Kally Kat heyah with me, I would neva of known what a Pawsome site this is.

I am so grateful & thankful we have Catster, you Mom Teri & all of our wonderful furriends right heyah & all through Catsterland!

I hope you will start to feel betta you have been on overdrive & through so much I highly praise you & ask God to give you his blessings to you & all us heyah!

A beautiful Rainbow heart from Kally Kat & Mommy Liz.
Rainbow colours fills yur heart with love!

Gentle purrs & love,
Kally Kat ♥♥
Purred by: Minuette (Catster Member)

December 24th 2013 at 2:33 am

Sending hugs and purrs--so sorry for your loss. :*(
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

December 24th 2013 at 8:11 am

oh my! It sounds like there was some negligence involved. I'm so very, very sorry Kaci and mommy. (((hugs)))
Purred by: ♥Simon♥ (Catster Member)

December 24th 2013 at 6:51 pm

Oh Kaci and mommy we are so sorry to hear you have been under the weather for so long and dealing with the sadness of losing Kaci but also what happened with Mittens. Mom loves Catster for being able to come to a place where fellow friends understand what you are going through and give no judgement along the way. If you do find yourself wanting to write down, share only what you feel comfortable with. Glad you have a friend close by who can help guide you. And please don't feel your grieving process must be over soon. Take all the time you need and know that time will help you to create a new normal. One that is just right for you. Wishing you and your family all the best the Christmas and New Year!

Hugs and purrs,
Simon & Reuben(an angel)
Purred by: KiKi (Catster Member)

December 25th 2013 at 7:26 pm

Dear Kaci & Mommy Teri;
We sure hope you are feeling better soon, we feel so sad and send purrs to you! Catster is such a caring community, we really get it. If you feel comfort from writing those things down, hopefully it will help you to heal, It's nice that your Friend is someone you found to confide in, hope you find some comfort in that.
Take your time, everyone grieves differently. Please know that we are here for you and will try to help any way we can. We are thinking of you. Hope you are able to get some rest, and best wishes & peace in the New Year!
Take Care Terri;
Love;
KiKi & Mom Jo
Purred by: Tully (Catster Member)

December 26th 2013 at 4:50 pm

Dear Kaci and Mommy,
Just wanted to add our purrs of support for you. We agree with everyfur that Catster is a very caring community; there is definitely a lot of love and support here from humans who understand your grief, so please feel free to reach out anytime you need to. We all care about you and hope that your Mommy's heart heals with time. ((((Hugs))))

Love, Tully & Mom Kelly
Purred by: Tigger (Catster Member)

December 27th 2013 at 4:55 pm

My goodness - that is what we are all here for! It is an awful thing to lose a beloved pet, and many people just do not get it. But those of us here do get it - we really do, and whether it was recent, or years have passed, it still hurts, as they were a part of our heart. I know how difficult this must be for you, and yet, I can see how righting this wrong will help to allow you to move past the hurdle. Of course you will always always miss your babies, but after the grief comes a sense of peace, knowing they are watching over you, and that there will always be a part of them in your soul. Do not ever feel that you cannot share your thoughts here - that is what friends are for, even if we are all friends through a screen, it does not mean that we cannot care about each other, and wish we could be there with a hug. I am glad you were able to find a support group, as that will help a lot. Do not be so hard on yourself, and take the time to heal & grieve, and rest. I hope you are feeling better soon, and here are a few of those hugs..((hug)) ((hug)) purrs & pawtaps, Tig, Maizy, Smitty, Felix & Momma Renee

 

Kaci Sunshine - Beloved Angel


 

Family Pets

Miss Mittens -
Angel DG #14
Abby Angel at
Rainbow Bridge
Angel Pete -
DB #26
Jennifer
Beloved Angel
Callie (Mar
1965 - March
1984)

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