Happy New Year

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry I've been so out of touch. (I seem to meow that a lot lately.) I have no excuse other than that I've become lazy. Lately, I haven't been interested in the computer. All I want to do is eat and sleep.

Mom and dad have been home a lot the last couple weeks and it's sort of thrown me off. I don't know when it's time to eat. Naturally, I start bugging dad at 2:30. I sit on the coffee table and stare at him and he stares back. Then he returns to tapping away on his computer, so I tap him a couple of times. He looks up and then ignores me. So I tap him again and give him the fail-proof silent meow. Still he does not feed me.

Very disconcerting, folks. Very disconcerting.

As a last resort, I wander into the kitchen and get the cork (see my video) and that is the trick to get dad to feed me. He always thinks I'm too fat to get the cork, but then he doesn't realize the strength of my desire to eat.

That's about all that's happened lately. Except that I've left a couple of poopy trails on the carpet. That was funny.

Happy New Year All!

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Extraordinaire

Rosettes

Heavens to Rosettes! I just logged in today to check mail, take care of some business, that kind of thing, and saw that I have all kinds of gifts from sweet, precious kitties! I don't feel worthy, but it just made my day!!

I needed it too because today a man came to the house and mom said, "Maggie, this is Pete. He'll be taking care of you while we're gone."

While we're gone? While we're gone? Seriously! Are they seriously abandoning me again? Ugh. Sometimes they disgust me. See if I cuddle with them tonight. I will, of course. But then my motto is to be nice to others not because of who they are but because of who I am.

Gotta go. Need to enjoy some extra cuddle time before mom and dad take off again!

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Tres Forgiving

I love mom and dad

I love mom and dad. Love them, love them, love them!

Well, let me be completely honest. I didn't love them so much this weekend when they took off for Cooperstown and left me lonely and sad by myself. I expressed my displeasure in a way that I'm quite sure was obvious when they entered the house. In fact, I made sure to eat and drink a little extra, just to fully express my extra displeasure on the kitchen floor. But I said what I needed to say, in my way, and once it's said, you move on.

Last night, mom peered her face around the door at me and cooed, "Maggie!! We missed you!" I cooed right back and didn't stop purring all night. I slept with them all night, trying every possible position and location on the bed, enjoying them all and mom and dad's snoring and rhythmic breathing.

Thing is I'm stumped. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong that they keep leaving on these weekend vacations. I'm just as cute, soft and fluffy as always, yet something isn't working the way it used to.

It's a topic to think about another time. Right now the game is on and the Orioles are showing the Yankees who is boss. It puts mom and me in such a good mood. I can't miss this...

Margaret Mayberry, C.E.

Animal Planet

Happy Summer friends! I hope that your summer has been as lovely as mine has. Well, truth be told, mine has been mostly fun. Mom and dad have left me a few times for a vacation alone. Why they don't take me, as sweet and precious as I am, I will never understand.

Ever since mom and dad got HD tv, I am a big fan of television. Not all television, though. The Animal Planet. It's gripping. Gripping! When dad puts it on, I am riveted. I can watch for twenty minutes at a time, even if it's close to my nap time.

A few minutes ago, there was a dog show on the tv. A dog show! Can you imagine? It's the funniest and silliest thing. What happens is these dogs let people fluff them up and put ribbons and bows in their hair and then parade around a room in this little prance-like trot that had me nearly falling off the coffee table I was laughing so hard. I wish I could tell those dogs to have some dignity.

I guess there are some who will do anything to get on tv and be famous. Not me. I have more self-respect than that, and I would certainly not be tip-toeing around any room 0n a leash for the purpose of getting some meaningless accolades and a paper ribbon. Bless their hearts.

I guess that's the difference between cats and dogs. A cat would never find herself in a "show," in such an exhibitionist display. Whoever heard of such a thing.

If you ever get a chance to see a "dog show," you really must. It really made my day. I'll be thinking on that for a long time.

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Avec Beaucoup de Self-Respect

Trapped Again

You're not going to believe me when I tell you this, but do you know what mom and dad did to me this past weekend? They left me alone. Again. Yes, it's true. Seriously.

Saturday afternoon they went to somewhere called, "Asheville." I can't tell you what it's like since I've never been, but mom and dad seem to like it. I was so bored and I hate sleeping by myself. Hate it! Well, I don't hate it, sometimes I like it, but I like having the option to choose whether I sleep alone.

Sunday afternoon, mom and dad casually strolled into the house looking all sunny and cheery, with rosy, sunbathed cheeks. Sometimes their rudeness knows no boundaries. Nevermind. Because I am lovable and forgiving by nature, I just put the whole thing behind me the minute they walked through the door. There is no room for grudges in life. Life is just too short for that silliness. If everyone would learn from me, I could solve world peace.

In other news, I have two new tricks for accelerating the morning feeding schedule. One wasn't effective for me, but I share it in case it may work for you. While mom was sleeping, I tapped her on the hand. That's it. Simple, straight-forward, polite. It's clear to everyone what the tap means. Unexpectedly, mom just groaned and turned over, without even a little scratch on my sweet cabeza. Even though it didn't work this time, I still believe it could be an effective tool, so I may give it another try in the future.

The other trick, much more effective, is opening the bathroom cabinets, as if I'm fascinated with what's inside. (Truthfully, I was. Mom and dad are always banging about in the morning, cabinets opening and closing. I was rather consumed with trying to understand it.) Worked like a charm.

It's a gorgeous day, so I'm going to wrap this up now. Have a wonderful day yourselves!

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Extraordinaire

Best Night Ever

Last night I was a bit naughty. I convinced dad to let me out around 10 p.m. He is soooo easy. I have him wrapped around my paw like nobody's business. Mom would never have let me out that late. She's so strict! Anyway, I went out and then I was kind of naughty. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but I hid when they called me to come in. Then mom and dad went to bed so I stayed out all night!

:-O

I know what you're thinking. I know what I did was wrong, but I was having so much fun, I couldn't help myself. Sometimes it's so peaceful to just sit on the porch and stare. I get into this meditative zone and then sometimes I forget where I am and then something will move like a bug or a frog and it scares me so much it nearly stops my little heart. That's how I spent most of the night, staring.

Anyway, I'm so soft and fluffy, mom and dad never stay mad at me for long. If I need a little extra softening agent, the silent meow melts them like butter.

Tonight I have plans to watch the Orioles game with mom. She says they're going to the World Series this year and no one else knows it yet but her. All I can say is that I'm not drinking that Kool Aid. Bless her heart, when it comes to the Orioles, she loses the ability to think rationally.

Oh! I hear dad. I have to go. More later!

Greetings!

It's been so long since I've written anything that my cousin Lucy asked if I were dead. That really made me embarrassed. But then every time I want to use the computer, mom tells me that she's using it, so it's been hard to get computer time.

I'd complain that it's all not very fair at all, except that things have been so boring around here lately. Maybe you remember the classes I was teaching last year...well, I guess I was a little too hard on my students. They didn't come back after the last class. Goodness, kids these days are so lazy.

The only thing of note around here is that mom and dad went on vacation and left me alone for a week. That wasn't too fun. Their friend, Mr. Brad, who was supposed to feed me, forgot! He came one time, a day late, but then he never came back again! That scrub!! It's a good thing I'm such a sweet lady or next time I saw him, I would poop on his shoes. I would! Anyway, by the time mom and dad came home, I was starving!

Oh boy! I was so happy to see them, that I've barely left their side. You know what I missed most? I mean, besides being able to eat every day? Cuddling with mom and dad. It's my favorite thing to cuddle with them. I was glued to mom's side for at least a week. Even though it makes her eyes and throat itch, and she wakes up groggy, I know she loves it too.

Lately, I've employed some new techniques in waking up dad. He's been sleeping in too late on the weekends. I guess it depends on your perspective, but that's mine. Weekend mornings are torture for me. Sometimes I don't get to eat for another full hour or two later than during the week. Mom told me it was jet-lag. I don't know what that means. Whatever. It's just an excuse if you ask me.

The important thing to learn from this is that when the things you've been doing stop working, you've got to be flexible! You have to be imaginative and try something else. So, I tried the old techniques. I readjust, like I'm not comfortable and trying to find a better spot. In so doing, I walk over top of mom or dad, or I just stand on top of them shifting all my weight to one paw, whilst I stare into their face waiting for their breath to stop it's rhythmic pattern. When it stops and the quiet sets in, I know they have stirred from sleep. Then I employ the tapping paw on the chin with a hint of claw to wake them irretrievably. From that point on, sleep will be lost to them, and the victor is Maggie, whose starving little tummy soon gets nourishment.

But those were the old techniques and they haven't been working. Frustrated to devise something new, I thought and thought. "What is it that irritates them enough to get them out of bed? If I can get them standing up, I've won." That's what I thought about for ages. To them it may have looked like I was just sleeping or lounging, but I was thinking. I do my best thinking laying on my back, for example. Then it hit me! Of course! I starting "pulling the carpet" as dad calls it. He's so funny with his Britishisms.

We'll see how long that works because mom is forever lecturing, "Don't reward her!" which I guess means that if I do something bad, there has to be some arbitrary time in between before I'm allowed to be fed.

The best thing, which I almost forgot, is the new hairbrush. I'm purring just thinking about it. It's like a super duper special brush and when mom brushes me, it's like getting a massage, a makeover, and a haircut all at the same time. The brush is called a "furminator" and it's a slice of heaven.

I'm getting hungry now, so I have to wrap this up. I promise to try to write more often.

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Extraordinaire

Engineer's Guide to Cats

Hello fellow catsters! Once again I must apologize for my lack of attention to my blog. I just get so busy with keeping order around here that it takes too much of my time. Yesterday, there was a squirrel in Ms. Glenda's garden, so I nestled down in the weeds and then jumped out on him when he was least expecting it. It was marvelous. The look of fright on his face and the way he jumped ten feet in the air to get away. I was laughing my head off.

Anyway, I found this marvelous video that I wanted to share with you. It's called An Engineer's Guide to Cats.

Btw, in case anyone is paying attention, guess who the Orioles beat last night? Heeheee!!

More later...

Margaret Mayberry, C.E.

One Year Anniversary

I can't believe I'm so delinquent on celebrating my anniversary on Catster. It was one year ago on the 6th that I finally found my voice where others might hear me, where I found others like me in a world of humans and their strange habits, where I could make friends, and where I was finally allowed an opportunity to express my suppressed creativity, which remains, still, unappreciated in this stifling house where everyone is supposed to sit in only a limited number of designated places and eat one designated food product in one designated spot.

In this forum, I am finally in the company of others who understand why if a vole is careless enough to wander within the purview of my claws, he deserves his fate, a fact that my humans, God love 'em though I do, are unable to digest in their limited world view.

I love you Catster. Thank you for all these gifts you have given me.

I feel normal and vindicated. I know now that it is mom and dad who, I'll just say it, are anal and uptight, and it is I who am normal and right. Things are meant to be explored and kitchen counters and plates are meant to be licked. Nights are meant for games. Purrs are meant for when you feel like it and that time cannot be constrained to a schedule. It happens when it happens and it will express itself when the time is right. These are things that I have learned as the real truths of life, not the arbitrary and unrealistic rules that mom and dad try to force us to live by.

Thank you Caster, for helping me to find myself! You're certainly cheaper than the therapy I was destined for.

Margaret Mayberry, Chat Extraordinaire

Spring Updates

Goodness, when I realize how long it's been since I've written, I'm a bit embarassed. All my resolutions to write more regularly have failed utterly. Nevertheless, mom is still to blame for my bad habits. Since her computer broke, she uses mine non-stop and threatens to not feed me if I start complaining too vociferously about her selfishness.

She conspires against me. This is the most troubling of her recent behaviors. Long ago, dad taught me that if I go in the kitchen when he does, with only a little persistence, I can convince him to give me a few nibbles of whatever he's eating. Mom has it in her head lately that I've become a nuisance with my begging and has resolved to change me. Yesterday, mom and dad had toasted tuna melts (YUM!) and mom forcibly chased me out of the kitchen (making my paws move as if I'm walking on my own), and then kicked me out of the house when I kept returning to the kitchen looking for leftovers. I had to use my silent meow ploy on dad, who was busy working in the garage and unaware of mom's disciplinary attempts. Of course, he's weak at my paws and gives into whatever I desire.

Nevermind, I still love them both, though I always prefer to lay my head on dad's lap and stare into his eyes. In the middle of the night, I'm still enjoying The Waking Game with mom. Her grunt on waking makes me giggle uncontrollably. She thinks it's a purr so my guise of being nothing but sugar remains undiscovered.

Besides the usual games, the only other topic of note around here is that a "chimney sweep" came. He wore a big Dr. Zeuss sort of hat and spent hours making noises with big machines. When he was done, there was a top on the chimney and I'm told there will be no bird's nests in the chimney anymore. No more little cheeps and chirps to entertain me throughout the day.

At least baseball season has started. I'm looking forward to watching the Orioles with mom again, though I think dad would rather watch grass grow.

Hope your March is full of good luck and pots of gold!

Margaret Mayberry, C.E.