My Troll Page.....

So mummy's been putting my pictures up here on this Catster thingy for about a month or so now and telling stories about me; saying I'm a troll and stuff like that.

Well I guess in a way, it's true. I do luv attackin' feet, especially my big bro, Drew. Man, he just has these huge feet that are just prime pickins, if ya ask me.

I have to say, I kinda like the Troll background that she put on here; it really says "ME". At least I didn't get some boring ole trees like Tinky - hear that Tinky??? You are boring!!!

She could have done without adding that blackmail picture of Mollie & me sleeping together though - what was she thinking??? She could have added a picture of me whooping Mollie's butt; now that would have been a picture to behold - YES!!!

Well, I guess I'll just have to make sure I know what goes in from now on and if I don't like it, watch out for your toes mummy!!!

That nasty vet...

Here I am this mornin, mindin my own business an mummy get's up has her mornin coffee and starts fillin a bag wif kitty treats. Wait a minute, I say...kitty treats??? Usually it's Mollie treats; this is weird.

So of course I follow her.

An jus where does this get me??? Right into the crate; that's where.

Well, daddy picks me up and carry's me out to the car an I see that mummy's carryin Tinky. Ooohhhh this don't look too good, I say to Tink. He's not listenin to me tho, he's too busy whinin like a little baby. So, of course that get's me scared too.

Daddy stops the car and we get out and I remember that place. Momma calls em the vets. They're not so bad; ya jus gotta lettem know whose boss sometimes.

We go in & both get weighed. I gained 3 whole pounds - woo-hoo!! Hey, I work hard at it.

Some lady was there wif a dawg in a basket and daddy went over to have a look and the dawg started barkin at him. Well no wonder, she had all these tiny little puppies in there wif er.

So we go in the room to see the vet and Tinky was such a sook. He cowared in the corner an when it was over, went an hid in the crate, mol!!! Me?? I hissed at that vet. Show no fear. I'm tough. He knew I was boss. Oh sure, he laughed but he knew. I hissed at him when he first walked into the room. I hissed at him when he examined me and I hissed at him when he jabbed me. He'll think twice about jabbing me again.

Mummy ended up carryin me home cos Tinky would not come back out of the crate. This is the cat that don't like the crate - go figure.

When we got there, mummy decides we didn't get enough torture from the vet so she get's her grubby paws on us an squirts some crap on us that supposed to protect us from fleas, mites, ticks, you name it.

Too bad it couldn't keep the vet away and Mollie....hey they'd make a fortune then.

Mice

We have mices in the house.

Mommy first found figured it out when she found the packaged food all chewed thru. Now da rotten rodents are leavin der poops in da kitchen drawers an are even brazen enuff ta leave em on da stove.

I'm not impressed. I hear them in da walls but der sly.

Momma's been teasin me. She's sayin things like "are you earnin yur keep around here? You could be catchin a mouse you know".

She knows I'm a good mouser. I know she luvs me no matter what tho. I'll get em. I'm a barncat fur meowness sake.

Watch it mices....the Dustball is rolling in...muah-ha-ha!!!!

One Happy Kitty

I'm such a pawsively happy kitty.

Last nite, mommy had what she calls one of dose moments dat make a 2-legged say "Well no-pooh!!" She was watchin me jump off da step ladder in da kitchen an heard da little jingle of da bell on my purdy rainbow collar an it hit her. Well even if a mouse did come within my range, dey'd hear me comin wif dat bell of mine. So last nite she chased me down....I don't know why but I thought she was gonna kill me (I think I've been listen ta Tinky too much)....an she took my collar off. Den she gave me some scratches bahind da ear ta let me know it was all ok.

I didn't catch a mouse yet doe. Da rotten little rodents don't come out much passt da cupboards an momma don't want me runnin around in her cupboards. Fur the lives of me, I can't unnerstand why. She says she don't thinks so. Specially wif my sheddin da way I am rite now. Hmmmph....teach her ta feed me such hi quality stuff....I can't help it if I'm beautiful an I knows it.

Anyway, I'm lettin her think dat it's cuz of da one she saved.

Yep, dat's rite. Da very first time I caught a mouse, my mommy took it from me an tried ta nurse it back. She even researched online ta find out what ta feed da rotten little rodent. All she found out was da different methods 2-leggeds uses ta kills em. She was horrified an I was ROFMTO. Sadly da little thing died after a couple a days so what she learned was ta let nature take it's course an let me do my job.

Well dis mornin when mommy checked her emails she found out I was onna da diary picks for da day. Dat really is excitin!!! My ugly canine fur-sister ♥ Mollie ♥ writes lots in her diary. I hardly writes at all so now I have somethin else ta tease her about, MOL!!! It's her karma comin back from all da times she holds me down wif dat giant paw.

Thanks Catster....ya'll rock!!!

She turned me inta a leprechaun....

Daddy put more space on mommys puter so she could play more. So what does she do?? She downloaded somethin called Gimp.

An she used dat Gimp ta turn me inta a leprechaun...not funny mommy!!!

She's been playin an learnin how ta work dis new Gimp but turnin me inta an leprechaun is goin a little too far. She didn't turn Tinky inta anythin. All she did ta him was put him in a nice cozy little picture wif a rainbow an all.

No mouse yet. An I think even daddy gave up on me. He an mommy came home da other day wif a ultersonic rodent repeller.

Day plug dis thing in da wall an day say it makes some noise ta chase away da mices. Hmmmm.....sounds kinda hokey ta me. I was kinda hopin day'd make em run right out ta me but dat hasn't happened.

I mean what do day think? Little mice are yellin "Bug music!!!!", as day pack dar bags an run fur da hills?????

Is a sad day when it comes down ta me bein replaced by some gadget day plug inta da wall, while I'm bein turned inta a leprechaun.

Mommy won't be laughin when I get that mouse.

Meows an purrs.....

Mommy has ta be stopped!!!

Ok Mommy, ya jus gone too far dis time!! Callin me a troll is one thing but ta actually turn me inta one??? Yur goin too far mommy an I'ma gonna getcha fur it...yep....I'ma gonna. Ya jus wait. ****waits patiently fur mommy's feet ta go by, muah-ha-ha!!!

Spring has sprung an we critters gots spring feber aroun here. Da smelly dawg has it bad, pullin mommy down an stuff. Does she turn her inta a troll??? No...she gets ta be a furry little bunny. Course I think dar a bit strange too but still...

All I ask fur is access ta mommy & daddy's room really early in da mornin so I can look out dar window an stalk da birds. It's my job ta stalk da birds!!! An dars so many of em out dar right now an day make soooo much noise in da mornin.

Day keep da door closed. Dar excuse is dat my furless bro Drew, is home an day, like him, need somthin called privacy. An den mommy's whinin bout daddy workin till da wee hours a da mornin....like dats got somethin ta do wif me?

I need ta get at dat window!!!

So what do I do? I simply bang on dar door till day wake up. An do day appreciate my efforts? Of course not. Mommy is a total snark-puss wif me. She even had da nerve ta say dat I'm a troll afterall, maybe day should jus put me in da basement at night an she laughs!!

What is a troll....I mean cat, ta do. Such unfair treatment from the 2-leggeds, I jus can't meow enuff. If yur readin dis....send help!!! I can't let dem away wif dis abuse any longer!

Meows an purrs....

Banished!!!

I jus cannot believe da cruelty of dese 2-legged creatures. It's not enuff dat day torment me all day long..... but when da nite time comes an dar headin up to slumber..... what have day started doin????

Banishin me downstairs!!! It's cruelty, I tell ya, cruelty!!!

Da cathouse we live in is over 100 years old (human years, dat is, mol). It has lotsa room fur roamin doe Tinky purfurs ta whine all nite, da little whiner, mol.

Da house also has access ta da stairs (main floor) from 2 different rooms an bofe rooms goin ta da stairs have doors ya can close, closin off access ta da stairs.

Well.....whatta think my purrents have started doin ta me?????

Ya got it. Day banished me downstairs, closin bofe doors behind em. So I no longer have access ta bang on dar bedroom door really early in da mornin so I can stalk da birds.

It's abuse I tell ya!!!! Call the Humane Society!!! Oh wait....is dat Maui Wowie??? Oh yummm......lick.....mmmmm .....lick....mmm.....oh I feell mush better nowww.....mmmmm.

meows an purrs

Hoppy Easter!!!

Taday's Easter Sunday, so day say. It won't mean a lot fur me cuz my purrents are goin off fur da day ta daddy's sisters house. It was Grand-dads 70th birfday da udder day so dar goin ta celebrate. Maybe if I rub enuff on Daddys chin before e leaves an try really hard ta not bite is nose, mol, he'll brin me home some left overs....I heard mommy say somethin bout havin salmon...oh, how I luvvvvv salmon....

Well, I'm still bein banished downstairs at night. It's not so bad, I guess....if yur a dawg, mol. An speakin of dat, I even learned ta use da sad face now. When da first 2-legged comes down in da morn, I'm dare ta greet dem on da udder side a da glass door, lookin up, wif da saddest face I can muster...oh, an of course I have ta let out a squeak, mol. Ya see, I never did develop much of a meow....unless I'm REALLY, REALLY HUNGRY, bol. Usually, it's a pitiful squeak. Mommy tinks Mollie is teachin me the sad look purdy good, mol.

Ya know what I luv bout Mollie tho??? Da times when she's crated an I park my furry little butt (ok....so it ain't so little anymore....sheesh), on toppa her crate ta have my nap. Who's holdin who down now, Mollie!!???

I tink my bestest Easter treat taday was findin out my diary was picked in da Catster Daily Diary Picks. Dis is a second fur me an; my fur-sis, Mollie has never been picked an she writes waaayyyy more dan me. Dat's what she gets fur bein a big, slobbery dawg, wif long floppy ears, mol.

Tanks, Catster!! Y'all rock...ya really do. Now I'm off ta chase a dawgs tail. It's temptin me waayyy too much.....zzzzooooooommmmm

Meows an purrs...

RAW!!!

My purrents been switchin the smelly hairy dawg ta da RAW diet. Purdy sad if ya ask me....what day do fur dat smelly dawg.

Day went out taday an bought a box a RAW food, some bottle a oil dats s'posed ta have some vitamin stuff an would ya believe a kitchen scale ta weigh out her food??? Fur meowin out loud!!!

Now despite my feelins of dis bein downrite specism....it does have dee odd advantage.

Would ya believe...mommy is dumb enuff ta actually leave Mollie's food thawin out, rite within my reach??? Do ya know jus how many times I helped maself ta jus a little snack a raw tripe, beef er ground chicken??

I jus can't help maself...it's sooo darn good. An I don't tink she really notices...by da time mommy's hand gets in dare ta mix it, I don't tink she could care less.

Ahhhhh.....I'm still banished at nite but I'm findin some good round here....like da freshly picked catnip mommy brought home last week....yummy.

Guess it aint all bad....taday anyway.

Meows an purrs

Da Gurrreat Outdoors

Ya know I been sufferin wif dat spring feber. I knows I'm not da only fur who suffers it but at least da udder furs in my pad are allowed ta get outside an enjoy the gureat outdoors. I knows....day has limitations....

Da smelly dawg always has ta be on some kinda rope thing day call a leash cuz she likes ta go on walk-a-bouts an my purrents don't like dat. An Tinky don't go on walk-a-bouts..... he stays close ta da house....well ain't he jus da purrfect kitty, mol. I'm a gureat explorer!! Do day see da impurtance in dis??? No, of course not. Day say "we don't want ya near da hi-way"

I'm not fraid a no hi-way. I see it all da time from my winda. Don't scare me at all. Ya see, my birf mommy died from onna does big tings dat drive on da hi-way. Her name was Tazz. An I look a lot like er an mommy says I'm spazzy like er too. So, as long as we're livin on da hi-way, rules are rules.

Well taday my furless bro Drew, an his girlfriend, Tracy came up wif an idea. I didn't like it at furst but ......

Day have bunnies. Elvis is da plump one. He's in onna pics, mol. Day figured dat Elvis' harness should fit me cuz, day figure I'm jus as plump as Elvis!! Can ya believe???

Well....it fit....hangin head in shame.

Mommy was glad day tried it cuz she'd bought a kitty one a couple a years ago an I gots outta it. I did not get outta dis one, I'm meowin.

It was a bit humiliatin at furst. Dare's Tinky, flauntin is freedom ta me, posin fur pics like da attention mongrel he is....hsssss. Den I stawted takin in da smells an omk, it was so nice. Den mommy really made my day. I hurd da bag shakin....yep...it was...Maui Wowie!!! It was jus like da bag said...I went on a trip an didn't even leave da back yard.....ahhhhhh.

I could almose furget I was wearin a bunny harness, mol!!

When it was time ta come back in I made sure ta be my ornery self agin an bit Tracy as day was takin da harness off me... ****breaks into big evil troll grin***** ....put me inta a bunny harness....plump??? me plump???

meows an purrs