5 years....

Five long years have passed....always in my heart, always on my mind my beloved Peanut. Thank you for sending us Loki , Maggie and Abby

Four Years

Every day I look at your picture. You are always there , in my heart, my thoughts. Such a special little soul.
Four years, I can't believe its been that long.

My precious baby Peanut I will love you forever.

3 years

It is 3 years today my beautiful boy. Not a day passes when I don't think of you, I still miss you so. You were such a sweet and special boy- you will be in my heart forever...

Sometimes I feel guilty for loving Loki so much now, but then I think to myself he is ,like you a wonderful boy , a special and gentle soul, and I know you want us to love him as we love you. Our hearts have room for so much love don't they? And I think also that if you had not become ill,somehow Loki would have come into our lives along with Maggie and you would have been the best of friends.

I will always love you, my sweet and gentle Peanut. Forever and ever......

Christmas Memories

I have been reflecting recently on Christmas and my memories of it from up here at the Rainbow Bridge. Mama and Kiwi will both tell you that I loved Christmas! Once the tree was up my favorite place was under the tree. I never messed with it, well, okay maybe just a little on the bottom ornaments. I was a cat after all! But lying under those twinkling lights and smelling that tree smell was just wonderful.

My earliest Christmas memory is of me posing with a Christmas bear for a picture. I must have been about 3 months old. Note to Mama, find the photo and scan it for my page! I knew Christmas was special then. I got toys too! I was such a pampered and loved baby… If I could grant one wish from the bridge it would be that all kitties could be as loved and cared for as I was.

The next year they posed me with toy train and a little engineer hat. That picture is on my page. Peanut the Engineer Cat!

Of course there were the Christmases they tried to pose all three of us kitties together for a special Christmas picture. Easier said then done…. I’d sit with Kiwi, then Muffin would get in the picture, then one of us would leave. We’d all look different ways…Something shiny would catch our eyes….I know it frustrated Mama and Daddy to no end. But I know they treasure those pictures since both Muffin and I live at the bridge now. One with Muffin and me is still on our computer desktop. Then there is a picture of me alone which I think Mama especially loves .I’m wearing a Santa hat, the one that she made for a Santa doll…I hope she adds that to my page too!

For my last Christmas, just before I got sick, I got a special present. As you know I grew into a very big boy. I did not fit into the regular cat beds like Kiwi and Muffin. Mama and Daddy bought me a beautiful big squishy soft green bed! It was really a medium dog bed, but it fit me perfectly! From the minute it was unwrapped I knew it was mine. I got right into it and I loved it so much! Muffin and Kiwi knew it was mine so they never really tried to use it. It’s funny, now finally Kiwi uses the bed. She is so tiny in that bed, but I think it makes her still feel close to me. Once in a while Maggie will lay in it too, but never Loki, although I wish he would. We would have been such good friends…. Anyway, he is a big boy like I was, so it would be a perfect fit.

The first Christmas after I went to the Rainbow Bridge my pawrents were so sad …. Even with Maggie and Loki in their lives they still felt a hole in their heart. Knowing how much I loved Christmas made it especially hard. Then Mama found a special ornament that seemed so perfect. The ornament was a beautiful pewter angel, bearing a cat in her arms. This was hung on the tree and the photo of me in the Santa hat was put into a special Christmas frame for all too see. After Christmas the angel was moved from the tree to a place of honor next to my photos on the wall where she remains today.

Christmas is a special time, for both person and cat, isn’t it? It’s a time when we remember the love we share, and love truly is forever.

Two years....

Its been two years since you left us Peanut. I still think of you everyday, we still miss you so much. When I close my eyes I can still feel your furry body on my shoulder with your cheek nuzzled into my neck. You were such a loving boy, so sweet , so special. I'll never forget the first time I saw you, how you looked me right in the eyes. I knew you were destined to be our cat, but I will never understand why you had to leave us so soon....I cherish the memories of the time we had with you and I am so grateful for that time. You were a very special soul, a true angel on earth.
Often I think about how much you would have loved playing with Loki, Maggie and Abby, and they with you. We are so grateful to have them in our lives. They have helped us to heal , yet they can never replace you. I know you sent them to us , they show us that in special ways.
We saw a dragonfly on the door 2 days ago. It reminded me so much of the day you left us, but also it reminds me of the way you sent us Maggie and Abby. Its beauty is so delicate , such a miracle of nature like life itself.
And the peace rose has a bloom unfurling today, a very special September bloom , a reminder of you and the continuity of nature.
I'll always love you Peanut, you will always live in my heart and soul.

The roses are growing

The two rose branches survived the winter and have flourished. There are still two plants, and they are green lush and beautiful. The branch that is closest to the original stem is budded.
Like the roses, Maggie and Loki flourish, but the memory of our beloved Peanut lives on forever in my heart and soul and all are loved.

The Peace Rose

Our beloved Peanut came into our lives just a couple of months after my Mom passed away. I always felt that she had somehow sent him to bring me comfort. You see, when I was young my Mom told me a story about one of the cats that lived on her farm when she was a child. This was a big gray tom cat she called Nel. He was a very sweet cat and stayed with her while she suffered a terrible fever, bringing her comfort. Like my mother’s Nel, my Peanut grew into a big gray sweetheart who brought me great comfort. He was definitely a gift from my mother and he brought so very much joy to me.

Another gift was a Peace rose, given by my mother-in-law in memory of my mother. I planted it in my garden and it flourished. It flourished just like my Peanut, that is until last year when they both died.

Like my cats, my gardens bring me great joy; they are all embodied with great beauty and wonderment. The gardens never cease to amaze me as I look at them every spring and see the plants growing once again. Last spring and summer Peanut was just so sick. I could not understand why he was so ill, what reason could there be. I would go to my garden and cry. I noticed that my Peace rose had not survived the winter and this made me very sad. I didn’t dig it up though; I didn’t have the heart, and so I trimmed the canes close to the ground and let it stay there. In July, I was working in the garden when I noticed a shoot coming from the base of the Peace rose. Like some sort of miracle it was growing again! I was filled with promise. I was sure this was a sign that Peanut was going to live, he would be a survivor. And indeed for a while he rallied, played and acted like he was going to make it. The rose bloomed, a tiny bud unfurling. A Peace rose in bloom is so beautiful. It seems to glow from within. As the rose was budding I noticed something odd. About a foot away another rose stalk was growing away from the main cane. A separate second little rose bush.

Sadly Peanut’s remission did not last long. I could not understand why he had to leave us, why did my Mom want him back? I had this image of him though, sitting healthy, proud and regal next to my parents with his beautiful tail curled around his body, and that was a good image. But why had the rose started to grow again? I was so sure it had been a sign that my Peanut would stay with me.

After the loss of our sweet Peanut, we found 2 beautiful Maine Coon cats that joined our family. Maggie and Loki. They bring us great joy and share so much love. They can never replace Peanut, no one can. But they have made their own special places in our hearts and souls.

I was marveling on this glorious spring day at my garden, just a week ago covered in late season snow, now growing so fast! I looked at the Peace rose and wondered if it would come up again this year. It’s too early now to tell if it survived. But as I was reflecting on it I realized there was indeed meaning in its rebirth last year, its rebirth as two bushes. Again, it was a message of comfort and love from my mother, which I see now. The rose bush growing again as 2 was symbolic of the 2 special little souls, Maggie and Loki who joined our family. As that rose bush grew, so too were they growing so that when we were ready for them they would be ready for us. I know they were the special cats selected for us just as Peanut was, and we were meant to have them both, and just like the rose bush, the second sprout from the same root came later – Maggie, our dragonfly miracle .

Two roses, glowing with beauty. Two cats glowing with beauty. And my Mom, Dad and my Peanut, filled with the purest of love, always watching over us