Apophis

Apophis arrived on the bridge. He looked very commanding in his golden "Egyptian style" collar piece. Just as Starfleet allowed Worf to wear his Klingon Warrior sash over his uniform, Starfleet allowed Pophie to keep his collar piece. He just had to be sure that It did not interfere with his communicator badge.

"How may I be of assistance captain"? He asked with his deep echoing Goa-uld voice, his eyes glowed as he spoke. The bridge crew turned around to look at him. "Don't worry", he responded. "The Goa-uld is fully under my control".

I had read his family's history in the Starfleet files. Years ago when SG1 had created the supernova that destroyed his fleet. The Goa-uld Apophis had crashed, in his mothership, into the planet Delmak. His personal shield had managed to save him from the crash, but the replicators that survived were killing his host. A desert cat wandered by the crash scene and the Goa-uld managed to leave his host and insert itself into the desert cat's body. To his surprise, he could not take control of the cat. It seemed that cats had the natural ability to be able to use the Goa-ulds memory and healing abilities, yet stay in complete control.
The Apophis symbiant and all his knowledge and experiences have been passed on to a new host for several generations now. Like Trill, cats are specially trained to take and use Goa-uld symbiants. Starfleet was just lucky enough to recruit one!

"Please work with Shrake at his science station", I said. "One of our working thoeries is that the signals are coming from fluidic space".

"Oh yes, species 8472", Pophie replied as he rubbed his paws together. "The Goa-uld paw devices worked particilarly well on their physiology" . He moved over to the port side science station to work with Shrake.

Good, maybe he will recognize something and we will see some action for a change!

We have arrived!

We had traveled for weeks at high and emergency warp and we had finally made it to the sector where Mr. Barclays mysterious communications were coming from. Every Vulcan, Bynar and other misc. brainiac was jostling for position around science stations all over the ship. Shrake was in "Quantum Mechanical Astrophysical Geek Heaven" analyzing all the bizarre data.
I however, was really bored.
I asked for another update. Shrake replied, "It seems like the signals are not coming from our space-time continuum", Captain. "They could be from another dimension, an alternate reality, or maybe from fluidic space." "We do not yet have enough data".
Hmm, (I had a hunch). "Isn't Commander Apophis on duty right now", I asked. "He had some dealings with species 8472 during one of his previous assignments". "Maybe he can make some sense of this".
"You mean that new Trill guy with the symbiont in his belly? Replied Tut.
"No, he means Pophi, the Goa-uld System Lord with the symbiont in his head?" giggled Aurora.
"Head, Stomach, paws, it doesnt matter to me, the whole "symbiont" thing gives me the heebie jeebies", remarked Tut.
"He was briefing a group of officers about the technology of "The Replicators" this morning, Captain. I am sure he is still on duty", said Aurora
"Good, call him up to the bridge please", I replied. Maybe we can find something to do besides staring at computer screens!

Deja Vu

We are back on course and have been traveling at high warp for about a week now. Things have really slowed down and I am getting so many catnaps in the daytime, that I cannot sleep tonight. I guess I will go patrol my ship. I love to just prowl around and sniff every corner and every wall. I will mark every doorpost, because this is my ship!

I was checking the crew quarters when a scent hit my nostrils that made the hair on my tail stand on end! I smelled A LIZARD! I had totally forgotten about them in all the chaos that happened with the QE2000. I guess I was just blocking things out hoping that it was just psychological trauma like the doc said it was. But no, there are still Lizards on my ship! I got into my stalking position and decided to wait the lizard out. If I stay statue still, maybe the lizard will get comfortable and become visible and then, He is mine! After all, I do have all night!
I was starting to get hot. Lizards like heat and I realized that we were in the Vulcan area of the crew quarters. It is only logical to look for a Lizard here! See, I am way more intelligent than these lizards, I am going to prevail.

After I stayed frozen in my tracks for what seemed an eternity, I heard someone behind me clear their throat.
I turned to see Doctor Volar standing there with one eyebrow raised.
"May I be of assistance, Captain"? He asked.
"Oh no, I replied, "Uh, I was just uh, meditating! (Vulcans meditate all the time, he will go for that)
"In the middle of the corridor"? He asked with a concerned look on his face.

"Uh, its an ancient cat ritual". I said (Vulcans love ancient rituals, he has gotta go for that!) "Yes, you see every year at precisely the same time all warrior cats stop to meditate no matter what they are doing." "I just did not make it back to my quarters on time". (Oh, yea great save, he has gotta believe that!)

"Very well sir", He replied. "Shall I have this area blocked off so no one runs over you?"

"No, that's o.k.", I said, "The scent is gone anyway."

"The Scent", he said with a very skeptical look on his face.
"Uh, the meditation scent, yea, um, when you are in deep meditation you can smell the ancient lands of our Cat ancestors in your nostrils. It is very invigorating".

"Indeed?" he said. "Well, good night sir".

When he left, I slumped back against the wall. That was a close one!

Security Chief Kor-Cha': Personal Log

I have missed another Batleth tournament on Qo-noS, but our mission thus far has been glorious! Just two days ago we were surrounded by an innumerable host of Daugment ships. As Kahless himself stood alone in battle against his enemies, we stood alone in battle against impossible odds.
I personally vanquished over three hundred Daugment ships with a mere 75 Quantum torpedoes. Their genetically enhanced abilities were no match for our Honor and courage! They are Petaq! My only regret is that my bat-leth blade did not get to find its mark and tear out their honorless hearts before they were disintegrated into nothingness, and their souls found their final place in Gre-Thor!

It is an honor to serve under Captain Areyel. His is a fine warrior. One worthy of a place in Sto-vo-kor!

Sure he has issues, every Captain does, but I will serve him with my life as a warrior. Sometimes, I do wish he would not be so limiting on the amount of bones that he allows me to have. He allows me only 300 small bones. This has forced me to become very creative and bury my other bones in different areas of the ship. I bet I have at least 500 more buried under the deck plating and in the walls around the armory. This is my territory. Captain Areyel only lets me mark my quarters and my armory. He goes around and rubs his cheek on all of the other doorjambs and walls of the ship.
The Chief engineer is well, a large rat. He is constantly finding my stashes of bones. This hones my skills even further. Yes, the Enterpurrrise is a great place for a warrior like me!

Salude!

I woke up with a stuffy head and started sneezing. I considered going down to see the Doc, but I only had 10 min. until my shift on the Bridge started and I was hungry! As I entered the mess hall I let out a powerful sneeze. Mucus flew everywhere. A few droplets hung on to my whiskers. I shook my head to remove them and quickly licked my nose dry.
One of the Human females gave me the strangest look. I licked my nose again to be sure I got everything. I know humans are really funny about this kind of thing.
The mucus in their nose is always touching the air. If it runs down the back of their throat, that is OK, but if it runs out the front of their noses, they freak out and I guess they think that it suddenly is transformed into a deadly poison or something. Throughout human history, billions of trees have been sacrificed to make little paper tissues that the humans called Kleenzees (or something like that) for them to blow their mucus into. I don't get it, they are just throwing away valuable body moisture.
Oh, and they look at me weird when I groom myself. They can't believe I actually lick my arm and legs. Yet they will handle the nasty equipment that Kor-Cha' has just slobbered all over and then go pick up their sandwich without thinking twice about it.
Humans, I don't think I will ever understand them!

Siren Song

The QE2000 only traveled a few light years away and then stopped, so we decided to stay right where we were to make repairs. Aurora had been monitoring their com frequencies to see what Rant may be up to when she reported. "Captain, I think I know why they are all the way out here". "They are on a tour called "The Siren Song experience". "They are waiting for some special event to happen in 8 min.
Like any good cat, I was curious, so I had us tune all sensors in their direction and I had Tut move us just a teeny bit closer.
8 min. later it was like the fabric of space was pulled back. Simultaneously we saw a brilliant light show that dazzled the senses. Over the speakers came the most beautiful and alluring voices singing a cappella. But the kicker was the feeling that washed over us. All I can say was that it was complete and utter bliss and contentment. I felt like I was napping on a furry rug, high above any troubles. I was totally surrounded by an endless supply of tuna and catnip and everything I could always want!
The urge was so strong to just fly my ship right into the rift , that I almost took over navigation myself. How Tut managed to restrain himself, I don't know, but five min. later the feeling stopped and the rift turned into a viscous gravity well that would tear the toughest of ships into micro-bits. We were both far enough away to avoid being caught, but now I know how the QE2000 got into trouble in the first place.
Aurora reported that the tour boasted 20 rifts per day and that purrrsons from all species were paying a fortune to experience the "Siren Song".

"This is way too tempting for me", I admitted. "We had better get back on course before we all end up kitties in the well!

What Next??!

We are completely out of torpedoes, barked Kor-Cha'.
I called down to Templeton, "How long on phasers or warp drive!"
I could barely make out his squeaky voice over the explosions. "At least another half hour on phasers captain, warp drive should be on line in about 15 min. sir, if something else is not destroyed!"
"Shields are at only 3% Captain, we are not going to make it that long!" Shouted Tut. I opened my mouth to order all paws to the escape pods, when the view screen lit up like a Christmas Tree. There was total silence and then the Daugments suddenly started turning around and fleeing in every direction. Some of them even ran into each other in their haste.
Hundreds of energy bolts flashed past us and either disintegrated or disabled entire packs of K-9 Cruisers.
"Give me an aft view on the screen"! I ordered. " I have got to see what it behind us!"
We all sat there open mouthed, staring at the monster that was behind us. It was a massive sphere that made the Death Star look like a powder puff. It had weapons protruding out of ports that covered almost every meter of its surface. I thought it looked like a ticked-off sea urchin from the seventh level of Hades.

"We are being hailed" said Aurora. "Oh no, I responded, what next"?
The view screen lit up and there was Captain Blubber in his Captain's Throne in all his glory. He slowly stood, waved his cape in front of his body and then took a deep bow. He stopped in a bowed position and just waited.
I was really puzzled now, but Aurora giggled and then started clapping her hands. Captain Blubber waved his flippers in a little circular motion as if to encourage us. So, I put my paws together and tried to make some noise (paws just don't clap as well as human hands). The bridge exploded in cheers and whistles. I told everyone to stand up and cheer.
Finally, Captain Blubber stood aright and said "Can we do anythin else fer ye today, wee lil ship"?
I swallowed my cat pride (and we cats got a lotta that) and said. "Um, you wouldn't happen to have any extra Quantum torpedoes would you?
"How many we talkin bout" he asked with a funny look.
(I was going to ask for 20, but I thought, Oh what the heck.) "About 75" I responded sheepishly.
He looked a little peeved and then said, "Well, that is not many, but I guess that is all yer lil ship ken hold".
He cut his communications with us and we watched as the Urchin transformed itself back into the QE2000. The Cruise liner started to head away when Kor-Cha' reported that 75 Quantum torpedoes had just bean beamed into the armory. I turned around just in time to see an object materialize at the feet of my chair. It was a box about 6 inches square. I picked it up and it emitted a Guaranteed authentic, life-sized, flippergraphed hologram of Captain Blubber.

"Well", I replied, "I guess I am a fan"!

Trapped

We were finally back on course. I had every available engineering purrrson helping to fix the burnt out systems. I had just relaxed to the point that I considered sneaking off to my ready-room for a cat nap.
I was daydreaming about chef's tuna suprise, when we just dropped out of warp. "What is going on?' I asked Shrake. "The emergency fail-safes have kicked in". "It must be a malfunction from our little towing ordeal".
I started to call down to engineering when I was interrupted by Tut. "Captain, K-9 cruisers on long range sensors." "I am picking up three packs"! I stared at the view screen as the Greyhounds, the Sheep dogs, and the German Shepherd's cruisers all came into visual range. "How many of them are there?" I asked. "Too many" replied Kor-cha".
"All power to shields!", I yelled. ""Tut, evasive maneuvers, and Kor-Cha' fire every torpedo bank at will!
The battle seemed to last for hours. There must have been hundreds of cruisers. We were taking out a lot of ships, but it seemed like we were not even making a dent in their numbers.
"Shields down to 23 percent captain, said Kor-Cha'. He straightened up and howled. "It's a good day to die!"
"Well, I am not ready to go to Stovokor yet!" I said. "Keep firing!" Tut try to get us outta the middle of these guys!" Everybody was flung out of their chairs and on to the floor. "The inertail dampers are failing captain, said Shrake. I pulled myself back into my chair. "Status report on the shields". I said.

"Shields now down to 8 percent Captain, answered Tut, "If Templeton does not get the warp reactors on line in about the next ten min. we will all be having tuna suprise at the Rainbow Bridge tonight!

No respect

It seemed like an eternity of pulling until we finally got the QE2000 moving. I smelled burning fur and looked around.
Kor-Cha's weapons panel had blown out when a phaser circuit had overloaded , but he was being tough and not admitting he was hurt. "Hey Kor-cha, you are still smoldering" I yelled over the whine of our straining engines." Rant stepped over and hit him with a shot of fire supressant gel. Kor-Cha' smiled with obvious relief.
The movement of the QE2000 finally got the attention of her Captain, who started hailing us. Aurora put him up on the main view screen. He was a huge Walrus-like being with gold plated tusks. He was wearing a white cape that was studded with all kinds of jewels and rhinestones. Large rings adorned his flippers. He kind of reminded me of an old Earth entertainer named Liverace, or something like that. His large name-tag read "Cap'n Blubber".
"And who would ye be? He snorted. "An such a wee lil ship ye all have there".
My ears drew back, I was immediately upset (My little hero ....)
"We're big enough to rescue your mass", I snapped back.
"Now don't go gettin yer nickers all in a twist matey." As he spoke, another bridge panel blew out and more smoke filled the bridge. (I was suddenly tempted to cut power and watch old Blubber-Boy get compressed into a little greasy spot.)
"We are from Starfleet and we are rendering assistance". "You sent out a distress call did you not?" I said, trying to use all of the Vulcan emotional control techniques that I could think of.
"Oh that, me first mate is overly cautious. Surely we would've escaped, but thank ye fer the boost anyway. "
Our last phaser emitter spewed shrapnel into space as it exploded from the strain. The tractor beam between the ships disappeared, but the QE2000 was far enough away from the event horizon that its own engines were sufficient to get it out of harms way.
Shrake moved towards the view screen. "Will you be needing any more of our assistance sir"? He asked very politely.
"Heavens, no! Ye can be on yer way now". Captain Blubber replied. Shrake warned him of the Duagment pack in the vicinity. "Ye don't think we would be way out here without bein able to defend ourselves now do ye?
"Certainly not!", said Shrake with a large smile.
I was just standing there wanting to fly my wee little ship up his aft exhaust port, when he cut the transmission to our ship.
"Get us outta here Tut", I hissed. "We need to get back on our mission before I get myself into trouble!"

The Plan

Aurora turned to me and said "Captian, Rant is sending an encrypted message to the Cruise liner, shall I eaves drop?" "Of course" I responded. (Rant sends out messages all the time and he thinks that we are unaware of them, but Aurora stumbled upon his messages hidden in the background noise of the scanners one day and she cracked his encryption code. We have been listening ever since.)
"Ha"!, she laughed. "He is selling two square meters of space in his cargo bay and his quarters for 1000 bars of Gold pressed latinum". "The message says he will beam over the Latinum first and then the passenger". She continued to laugh. "Who in the world would trust a Ferengi with that much latinum"! "And who, for that matter, would have that much latinum with them"?
"PASSENGERS ON THE QE2000", we all answered in unison.
"Maybe we should come up with some type of evacuation plan"? Said tut. "In case this doesn't work". "Maybe the females and kittens first?"
"This is going to work!", I replied.
Templeton called up from engineering. "We are ready captain, but we are going to have to get mighty close and Tut is going to have to do some precision manuevering to make sure we don't end up getting sucked in the well with that monstrosity". "No Purrroblem", said Tut as he leapt back into his chair at navigations. "Engage Tiger Paw", I commanded and crossed all 12 of my toes.
It was really weird to see the tractor beam coming from every phaser emmitter. It seemed like forever until the beam created a field big enough to surround the ship. "Here we go", said Tut, as he started the towing procedure...