pearls of wisdom

pearl of wisdom #1: how to make the dog look bad

January 2nd 2007 10:34 am
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as a cat, i am genetically programmed to be aloof and snobby, and above all, to ignore my human when she is speaking to me.

however, now that there is a dog-sister involved, i must make her look inferior to me- not because i actually care if the human likes me better, but just to see the look on charlotte the dog's face when my human cuddles me after i come when i'm called.

she picks me up and makes the gooey voice at me, and scratches me behind my ear and tells me how very good i am to come when called unlike the dog who comes when called but only when there's a frisbee or a stick or treats involved.

when i'm getting all this well-deserved attention (which really i can't stand but don't tell the human) the dog comes over and sticks her nose on my bum (which i do not enjoy, by the way) and so i swat and hiss, and then the human gets mad at the dog, and i am satisfied.

that is the way things go around here, and it works pretty well for all of us, i'd say.

 

in which my tail catches fire

June 4th 2007 1:03 pm
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i am very proud of my fluffy black tail, so it is with great embarassment that i relay the following events.

my mom/slave had a candle burning on the kitchen table to get rid of the doggie odor during dinner time. i, the investigator of All Things Important, was sitting on the table, as per usual, when my tail suddenly alit with colors before unknown to said tail.

my mom/slave gasped, and with alarming redundancy cried "pearl! your tail is on fire!"

i, being cool and collected in all but the most extreme situations, jumped from the table and by then, the small flame that was my tail had extinguished itself. still, my mom/slave was devestated that such a thing had been allowed to happen to me, her little sweetpants, and so she immediatly doused the candle with a swift breath, attended to my singed (but still fluffy) tail, and then, with no more regard to her folly, went about washing dishes as if nothing, certainly nothing quite so significant, had occured.

granted, there was no lasting damage done, no real injury, but i feel this tail-burning deserved at least a little tuna fish, or perhaps some salmon? its not every day, after all, that one's tail is aflame and one survives without permanent physical scarring.

 
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