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The Top 9 Highlights of Socks the Cat's State Funeral

The Top 9 Highlights of Socks the Cat's State Funeral


9> Tiny flags lowered to half-mast, then shredded by all the
other cats attending.

8> Twenty-One Shoelace Salute.

7> The coffin is draped with red, white and blue yarn.

6> Attempt to disrupt the proceedings by a group waving signs
proclaiming "GOD HATES CATS."

5> The ceremonial planting of a catnip sprig at the gravesite.

4> Hillary's press release stating that at least she was prepared
to answer the call from the vet at 3:00 a.m.

3> Overflight by the "missing canary" formation.

2> His whole litter attends, even the ones that don't sniff each
others' butts other anymore.


and the Number 1 Highlight of Socks the Cat's State Funeral...


1> After giving him a final goodbye kiss, Chelsea hacks up a
hairball.

frum Momma :(

TO BE POSTED VERY LOW ON THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than
you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and
cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, bark, try to turn the knob or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butts. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.


Remember... Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1 . Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't want to wear your clothes
9. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...

10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

The Top 10 Favorite Beers of Cats

10> Dos Brekkies

9> Missing Nads Bitter

8> Mauster Brau

7> Fostered Lager

6> Heinekitten

5> Neutered Tom Stout

4> Yarnling

3> Mousehead Lager

2> Feleinenkugel


and the Number 1 Favorite Beer of Cats...


1> Bird Light

Xander found out what my name means!!

Subject: Hey, I found anotherone on the web page! Sent: Thu Apr 19



Message:
MS TIGER WOODS: Female cats named Ms Tiger Woods are inteligent, beautiful and highly opinionated. They get along well with siblings but only if the sibling is born on the same day. Especially dumb dogs in the same household can cause trouble. These cats often go by the nickname "Em" and are useually paired with the smartest, cleaverest, and finest male cats. "
~Xander

My Song for this Week!!

I LOVES this song by the former spice chick Melany C., "I want Candy" although Tandee dumbdog is singing "I Love Tandee" to it... sheesh.

I sing "I want XanderCandy" to it MOL

Momma's been sick

Its been very quiet around here, my typist has been sick for 4 freakin days!! All my furrrends must think im dead or WORSE!!!

Im not tho.. just rolling around on the floor.. waiting for Momma to come play..

I even had to holler at the human kittens to fill the dogfood bowl, cause there wasn nuffin it it!

sheesh.

MTW

The Top 10 Kitty Horror Movies

10> Cheetah Cheetah Bang Bang

9> Don't Tell Mom the Can Opener's Dead

8> Soap and Water World

7> I Cough Up Hairballs on Your Grave

6> The Texas De-Claw Massacre

5> Eight-Lived Freaks

4> Litterboxing Helena

3> The Silence of the Iams

2> I Taw What You Did Lat Tummer!


and the Number 1 Kitty Horror Movie...


1> The Day the Yarn Stood Still

Valentines party at RnB!!

The very handsome Xander from Pittsburgh (notice the H, Xandy?? hehehe)
asked me to be his date at the Valentines Party!! Hims Daddy made us matching costumes for it!!!!

I cant say what we are going as tho, until the party!

i just adore how he "Eeeps"! :)

Momma bought Tandee a really purrrty snowcoat, onna count of it's stupidly cold outside, and Tandee can catch "new mon eeya" easily. she can also catch treats you frow at her yap.

We are having a sooperbowl party in the Tower and the Rowdy and Bawdy group tonight, I dont even know who's playing.. Xandy said summit about horses and bears being in the game!!! I hope the bears dont eet the horses!! I like horses, s'pecially baby colts!!!

If Santa's Sleigh Was Pulled by Cats...

8> When Santa wants nine cats to fly all in the same direction,
it's "On, Hoover, on, Shop-Vac...."

7> Christmas is slightly delayed while we wait for Vixen to
finish cleaning herself.

6> December 24: Fire departments the world over go on rooftop
rescue red alert.

5> Santa may get the cookies, but no way he keeps that milk to
himself.

4> First, the dinner and the grooming. Then the napping, followed
by a light snack. Then, maybe, the flying.

3> Parents frantically cover the kids' sandboxes.

2> Less antler envy.


and the Number 1 Difference If Santa's Sleigh Was Pulled by Cats...


1> "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And they gave him a look of contemptuous dismissal."