*snorts*

Hey thanks Momma, for just taking of my HALLOWEEN BACKGROUND!!

Didnt really feel bad about not having anything christmassy up.. or New Years.. who cares about that.. Valentines day... St. Patricks day.....

sheesh.

Yer lucky i dont have thumbs, or i woulda called the frikkin humane society on you!!!! TOO CRUEL. Thats yoo, Momma.. if that IS your real name...

*stalks away, gives Momma the Big Stink Eye*

I think I have some butt scootchin to do on yer pillow.

The Top 8 Differences If Santa's Sleigh Was Pulled by Cats

8> When Santa wants nine cats to fly all in the same direction,
it's "On, Hoover, on, Shop-Vac...."

7> Christmas is slightly delayed while we wait for Vixen to
finish cleaning herself.

6> December 24: Fire departments the world over go on rooftop
rescue red alert.

5> Santa may get the cookies, but no way he keeps that milk to
himself.

4> First, the dinner and the grooming. Then the napping, followed
by a light snack. Then, maybe, the flying.

3> Parents frantically cover the kids' sandboxes.

2> Less antler envy.


and the Number 1 Difference If Santa's Sleigh Was Pulled by
Cats...


1> "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And they gave him a look of contemptuous dismissal."

How to "Cat-Proof" Your Christmas Tree

How to "Cat-Proof" Your Christmas Tree


1. Buy a cardboard box big enough to hold the tree. Paint it red and yellow. Paste pictures of cats playing with toys on the box. Write phrases on the box like: "Giant very expensive cat toy." "Your cat will LOVE it!" "No cat can resist!" "Hours and hours of fun!" "Only $99,999,999.99!"


2. Bring the tree home inside the box, and round up your cats. Say, "look what mommy got you! A giant, really really expensive cat toy! You will go NUTS! I can't wait to see you play with this!"


3. Force the cats to watch you put up the tree and decorate it. If they drift off towards the cardboard box, bring them back to the tree and point at it while saying things like "you had better play with this thing, mommy spent a month's salary on it."


4. When the tree is decorated, wave some branches in their face and shout, "come on and play! Lookee here, the branches move, see? Kitty is supposed to swat at the branches and have lots and lots of fun! Hey, come back here! You come back here right now and play with this tree. See how much fun it is? HEY. I'M TALKING TO YOU. Get out of that box right now, mister. The box is NOT a toy. THIS is the toy."

If you do this with enough sincerity, your cats will avoid the tree like it was a foaming mad Rottweiler. Of course, you'll be stuck with a big ugly cardboard box in your living room all through the holidays, but it can always double as a buffet table.

new foster kitties coming tomorrow

So The Loon is going to be fostering 2 6mth old neutered boys over the holidays, cause the "lady" (The Loon would like to interject here that she uses the term "Lady" lightly ... grrrr)
the lady said that" if those 2 pests werent gone by Tuesday" she was going "to drown them"!!!

So she misses Grace the fosterkittywho was adopted last weekend, but now she can help these 2 little boys out, and keep them safe and warm, and find forever homes for them :)

Sometimes The Loon ROCKS!!! (Just as long as she keeps them in her shop, and I dont have to share my bed/food/litter or toys. They can have Gloria dumbdog tho!!! MOL)

**Headbonks***

Bailey

The Loon strikes again!!

My Loon is showing very odd behaviour.

She has killed a tree, and dragged it into the HOUSE!!! She put all kinds of glittery things on it, and electrified it too.

Not sure, but I suspect she's lost it.

MY plan is to pee on the tree to show her that THATS what trees are for, then i am going to crawl allllll the way to the top, and holler at her to get her attention.

If THAT doesnt work, i am going to try and leap *from* the tree *to* an impossibly far away location, thus knowing the tree over, making it easier for her to haul outside.

Alternetivley, you can also eat some tinsel, to make pretty Christmas Poo decorations. Thats *ALWAYS* an attention grabber. (yeah yeah, i know thats dangerous, we never have tinsel in the house anymore lol)

Remember kitties, its up to US to keep our meowmys SANE!!!

About Pitbulls

ok, we have a few dumbdogs in our house...
My Captor (mom) read something on a Dogster group today, that made her sooooooooooooo mad!!

http://www.dogster.com/message_read.php?mid=283291& u=group&g=6218702

Our dumbdog Tandee Pitbull wouldnt hurt a fly. I would, but that dumdog? No way.

Tandee is the sweetest (dumbest) dog I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, I hate all dumbdogs, and would claw their eyes out given the chance, but she's *our* dumbdog.

She had to have her tail amputated last month, and she's so kind, she STILL loves going to see the Evil Dr. Cut-yer-Bitz-Off (aka the Vet). She is extra-wiggly now, and is wanting to pounce on all us kitties.

harrummph.

ok, bugger off now, i'm going back to lay on the Captor's pillow and get it all hairy and full of kitty-litter while she's still at work.

muahahahhaha

Bailey

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak), and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Laws of Physics as aplied to cats

Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until the cat gets good and ready to stop.

Aerodynamics: If it flies, a cat will chase it.

Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Dinner Table Attendance: A cat will attend all meals when anything good is served.

Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest the cat.

Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Elongation: A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to the cat's embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Energy Conservation--First Law: A cat knows that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.

Energy Conservation--Second Law: A cat knows that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace its own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Gravity: The cat knows that gravity works, even when sound asleep.

Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Milk Consumption: A cat will drink its weight in milk, squared, just to show you that the cat can do it.

Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in direct proportion to a human's desire for the cat to do something.

Obstruction: A cat will lay on the floor in such a position as to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek (and usually take over) the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Sleeping: A cat will sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible, while maintaining the cat's own comfort.

Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Total Composition: A cat is composed of "Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter!"

Cat property laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.