Faster than a speeding mouse, more scary than a musk ox, it's SPARKMAN!

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Heroic Epic Late Night Battle with Evil Orange Mastermind

February 9th 2007 7:01 am
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It is my mission today to kill the orange knit ball!!!! Clearly it is an evil mastermind, controlling all the bad stuff that happens in the world... like human babies falling down wells, humans' addictions to sitting in vats of water called "bath tubs," and the worst, the human that runs the "flavor" department at the healthy cat food factory!!

I started my campaign a few nights ago when I dragged the evil orange ball into bed and started gnawing on it. I was trying to poke out its eyes and cut off its vitals, like its tail and ankles!!! Well Mom woke up (how was I to know she was sleeping in our bed in the middle of the night?! Thats where you sleep during the day!!).

So she woke up and reaches around like a blind lady till she finds what I'm gnawing on. Then she takes the squishy, wet ball demon and makes the worst face ever! I was all sure that it had made an attempt on possessing her soul or something!Then she does the bravest, most generous thing ever-- she threw my evil mastermind, orange ball clear across the room! It bounced off the closet door and rolled over by Dad's night table. Laid there stunned and well... deflated looking.

So I picked up my heals to go after it. And then, who do you guess was also in bed sleeping in the middle of the night-- DAD?! Opps. I ran clear across his neck or chest. But he just kinda woke up and rolled over. Not nearly as fun as waking up Mom!

So anyways... The fight is on and the orange mastermind of zenda must be conquered!!! Or at least dragged into the litter box... Good thing I only wake Mom and Dad up like that a few times a week. Any more than that and they might get mad at me... oh, wait. I'm too cute to get mad at. HA HA HA!!!

 

How I lost my giblets!

February 3rd 2007 7:14 am
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I am just a bundle of purrs and cuddles this morning! Yesterday was a little scary, until I realized Mom left me with an ENTIRELY FEMALE STAFF at the vet's!!!! I am becoming quite the Casanova, so that was GREAT!

And then I zonked out for a while... When I came to my rump was sore and my eyes had this goo all over them. I could barely see, but by the time the vet called my Mom to tell her I was awake, I was already batting at all the toys in my cage and purring. I was chewing on my octopus toy when they brought me in my carrier in to Mom. Apparently I was a smash hit at the vet's and all the girls there had to coo over me, and come out to say good bye before I left. *sigh* Fans!

While I was zonked, Captain says they scuttled me barnacles, but I know what really happened... They clipped my claws short!!! I mean, they're still there, but I can't claw at anything!!! Very distressing. Those women must have been evil sirens from Mercury! Who else would clip my claws?!

So I got home, saw Captain Morgan and Moose. Did a back flip ninja styled move and bit Captain's ankles. Then I pawed at Moose's head and chewed on his ear.

Later, while playing around and being anything but calm and relaxed, I apparently sat in the water fountain and pawed/splashed all the water out onto the floor. I did this apparently three of four times. Only stopped becaues Mom moved the water fountain to the bath tub. I totally don't remember this... I really only remember my ninja like back flip roll into the attack on Captain's ankles! That was amazing!! I am SO COOL!

Captain Morgan did lounge on the couch with me later and bathe all the vet smell and goo off me. Thanks Captain! I am feeling just fine this morning! Miss my claw tips, though.

 

Follow up message from Sparkman's Mom...

February 2nd 2007 10:41 am
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The vet just phoned to report that Sparkman is coming out of the anesthetics and doing fine! The procedure went well, without any surprises. They're keeping him until 4 pm for observation... He'll be back to his back flipping, tail biting self by tonight!

Purrs
Sparkman's Mom

 

Message from Sparkman's Mom

February 2nd 2007 7:20 am
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Hello Sparkman's Kitty Friends!

Just a quick note to let you all know that Sparkman will not be online today to play. Instead he is spending the day with his favorite female vet, being neutered. Thanks for the rosettes and kind messages! I'll read them to him when he comes home. He'll see you tomorrow!

Love
Sparkman's Mom

ps-- Both of his brothers have updated their diaries, if you're in need of non-educational reading.

 

Long Weird Story About How I Lost My Fifth Fang!

February 1st 2007 7:03 am
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Okay, so REALLY WEIRD story for you guys today! Dad says it's weird because it had to happen, Mom says its weird I'm so sensitive to my dental happenings.

Well, yesterday that fifth fang was bleeding most of the day, and it hurt so bad to bite anything that I didn't eat any food, and kinda moped around batting at toys with my paw. I was a very poutin, sad, little super kitten. Mom says I whimpered a lot. And then when I didn't eat my wet cat food dinner, Mom and Dad knew something had to be done about that tooth.

So I was sitting on the couch with the Captain, taking our pre-bed-time nap, when Mom came over and started fiddling with my loose tooth. Now this was like the third time today that she'd jumped on me and wiggled my tooth around for who knows what reason, so I was going to teach her some manners. I chomped down on her finger really hard! I mean I BIT that danged finger!!! And just then I felt the tension of my tooth kinda give out... I can't explain it too well, but I sat there kinda shocked from the shear pain of it! I wanted to scream, but her finger was still clenched in my jaws.

Mom lifted up my lip and looked to see my tooth dangling there from my gum. I let them wrap me up in a towel, petting me, cooing over me, and then Mom reached in my mouth and pulled it out. And it hurt when I bit Mom, but that strangely didn't hurt at all! I gave Mom a look that clearly said "FINALLY! Take that stupid fang away!!!"

Mom carried me into the kitchen, where I immediately started guzzling food. I was just ravenous! She put down a whole pile of kitten treats for me, and was dangling toys for me to pounce on! Oh, what a great end to that horrible day!!! And after almost a week of being a Five Fanger, I am HAPPY to have lost that extra fang!!!

 

How You Doin?!

January 31st 2007 4:44 pm
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My Friend Lucy just sent this idea for a caption to my primary photo!!! So now I have the giggles!

"BTW, Mama came up with a caption for your main picture: *doing her best Joey Tribiani impression* 'How you doin?'"

 

Five Fangs of Fear!!!

January 31st 2007 12:59 pm
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Uh-oh... I just heard Mom talking on the phone with that pretty girl vet I like flirting with. NOW I'm worried! I thought that trip we're planning on Friday was just a flirty, fun date with Ms. Vet... Luke suggested I show her my five fangs... But Mom's all talking about dropping me off, leaving me there!!! And I can't eat before hand?! This is serious. What the heck are they plotting?! And I wonder if I get to bring my purple mousie... how bout the rainbow colored blanket? and the scratching post? The ball in track?!! So scared!

 

Still the FIVE FANGER!!!!!

January 30th 2007 6:32 am
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RAWRRR!!!! I still have more fangs than should be allowed! There is true terror in the hearts of pine cones, corks, yarn balls, and even Mom's shirt buttons!!! The Five Fanged Kitten of Doom still lurks the halls in search of toes and ankles and tails to bite! Look out world! I'm STILL the FIVE FANGER!!!!!!! Ha ha!!!!!

 

Confessions of a Water Lover....

January 28th 2007 10:18 am
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Hello. I am Sparkman, and I am addicted to chasing drips of water around the bath tub. And not just the bath tub, I also chase them around the shower curtain, the sink, drips off wet humans, splashes from the shower, and even the ones Moose splashes out of the drinking fountain.

I first realized that I might have a problem when I was sitting on the side of the bath tub a few weeks ago, watching Human Dad take a shower. I was so enthralled with watching water splash on the sides that I didn't notice Dad petting me several times with a soaking wet hand! Well, you guessed it; I was humiliated with a wet back and tail for what seemed like days.

But I'm admitting it now, because I think my obsession has taken me too far. I was watching the shower water while Human Mom was in it this morning when I realized that I'd have a better view of the drips from inside the bath tub. Now, like most humans, Human Mom kinda blocks the sun (or should I say WATER) when she's towering over me. So I climbed behind her into the "dripless area" of the tub. I sat there for quite a while, licking off the occasional drip from my fur and purring at all the water splashing around me. It didn't occur to me that I was doing anything weird until Mom called Human Dad over to see me... I dashed out and pretended to have just fallen in. I sat cleverly on the carpet bathing my wet fur, and then I realized it... I am a water addict!!!!

I'll have to go find a support group for this. I mean, cats loving faucets is one thing, cats who drink a lot of water is another, but cats who even go into the shower to watch splashing?! That is just too far. I'm so embarrassed.

 

Now the oh so much better news!!!!

January 26th 2007 6:01 am
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I FOUND MY DADDY!!!!!

I've been asking around whenever I see a likely candidate for my paternity, if he perchance fathered a batch of kittens with my Cat Mom (aka the sainted, beautiful mouser of dreams)... And just when I was starting to think that maybe Human Mom was right and that I was from some other planet that sounds a lot like Planet Krypton... Or that maybe I was an immaculate conception. I mean, Capt. Morgan says his Cat Mom was a real lady and therefore a virgin. Though I'm not sure what that word means...

Anyways, just when I was sitting around confused and biting my own tail in befuddlement, my FATHER stepped forward and admitted that he's my Dad!!!! Now I do have a lot of questions; like why he left us to live in Pennsylvania; what was the first thing he noticed about Cat Mom; how many other siblings do I have and in how many states; is he part of a traveling circus, and is that why he was in town; does he bite and chase his own tail like I do all the time; whats the meaning of life; who'd win in an eating contest Garfeild or Cookie Monster; and of course, chicken or fish???

But really, truly, who needs to ask questions at a time like this?! I have a real DADDY!!!! His name is Andre. And I'm the spitting image of him! So THAT's where I got my good looks!!! He even commands building projects! Check him out, he's sooooo pawsome!!! *sigh* DADDY!


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ps-- Mom says I should include the IDs of my friends mentioned in my diaries today... oh, and apparently I was on the "Active" list of the kitty diaries yesterday! (thanks for the tip, Sparkles!) I was very surprised and still don't know what "Active" means... Do you??

Navin R. Johnson-Davis #69281
Gordy #276717
Dutchess #276733

ANDRE #173884
Sparkles #427485

 
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