Faster than a speeding mouse, more scary than a musk ox, it's SPARKMAN!

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Reminder to All Cats: Don't Eat the Green Ones!

March 13th 2008 7:59 am
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Sparkman here with just a quick note to remind everybody not to eat any little green men this week! I know normally I advocate eating all small invaders, as they may of may not be aliens, swamp monsters, or robots. But this week you have a higher chance of them being these strange Irish things called "Leprechauns."

So here's what you do: Pounce on their hind feet and knock them over so they can't get away. If you must use claws, try not to stick them too far through the clothes, I hear that there just isn't much to these little people!

Then pick them up by the feet in your mouth, and dangle them upside down. If they're taller than you climb a chair or something so they're really dangling in the air.

At first they'll be chanting stuff and trying to zap you with spells, just ignore that and keep dangling.

Eventually when they get around to saying "okay, I'll give you anything you want, just please let me go!" Don't let them go! I mean, you can put them down and stop dangling them, but don't loose your claws just yet.

Now you have to get them to do your bidding. Most of us cats can just telepathically communicate with all living things, but I understand a few can't. Here's where Catster comes in...

You drag the little green guy over to the computer, open the catster "gift bin" and point to various things you want. I suggest the pot of gold. With that, you can buy important things like cat food, litter, puff balls, and light armory.

After they give you the stuff, THEN you can eat them! Or let them go so another kitty down the block can catch them and get stuff too. Either way, just make sure you get stuff from them before you get down with your bad cat self. Rawr!

*************************************************** *************

My buddy Callie sent me a link to this very very useful article. Clearly this person knows more about catching Greenies and retreiving Goldies than me!!! So here it is, a much more informed source... Thanks Callie!

http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/leprechauns/a/030501a.htm

 

Do Leprechauns Get to Sleep in a Pile of Potatoes?

March 10th 2008 12:55 pm
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Boxie Brown gave my Mom this horrible idea last week, and here it is on my head! A HAT!

I was napping on the couch happily, when along comes my human and sticks this green hat thing on my head! She always does these things when I'm sleeping. It's so sneaky of her! I woke up to the sound and flash of that camera in my cute little face. I was blinking and looking around when I realized that the green hat was there on my noggin. Mom kept clicking away, and I just made horrible faces at her.

She stopped clicking and said, "Wait right there! I have an idea!"

And I just glared at her, "What? You think I'd go out in public like this?!"

She came back in the room with the most beautiful thing; a whole bag of potatoes! I just sat there wide eyed looking at her, afraid to knock off the silly hat for fear I'd miss out on potato time. She started piling them around me, and I was purring then. She picked up the camera and started clicking again. I was so happy!

Is this what life is like for a Leprechaun? Rolling around in a pile of potatoes?! If so, sign me up! Mom left out one small potato for me after the sneak attack photo session... I'm going to lick it and cuddle it and carry it around the house! But most of all, I'm going to use it as a pillow. It's a good life as an orange cat in a green hat! Ha ha!

 

Lion Cubs, Rawr!

March 8th 2008 8:48 am
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Our local zoo just got 3 lion cubs! They're in quarantine still, but I get to watch them on a lion web cam! It's running from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. (central time). It's so exciting! Mom says they look just like me... I wonder if they're my cousins or something! Oh, purrs! Lion cubs!!!

 

Happy Feb. 29th Everybody!

February 29th 2008 6:55 am
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Mom said it's Leap Year Day! So I'm jumping and leaping my heart out! Hope you're all the same. (It's hard to type while leaping!)

Purrs and Happy Leaping!!!
--Sparkman!

 

Sleep Wool Sucking Sucks!

February 27th 2008 7:36 am
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Boy, did I ever get in trouble last night! And this time, I wasn't even awake! I was just laying there all curled up with Captain Morgan at the bottom of the bed, dreaming about my real Mom, the barn, my litter mates, the horses, and of course nursing!

I woke up to my human Mom saying "SPARKMAN!" and yanking me up in the air! What's more, there was fabric in my mouth. I quickly swallowed it before she could see the evidence! But somehow she knew. She yelled "BAD, Sparky! Don't DO that!" And I let out a weak whimper, "What did I DO?!"

She pitched me off the bed then in punishment. And I was still just bewildered and groggy, not sure what just happened... I followed one of the humans who got up to the bathroom and sat on the carpet whimpering at them. I was so tired, and had just lost my bed!

When I went back to bed a while later, the humans were asleep. I climbed back in beside Captain and then saw it: a giant gnawed hole in the top blanket! Oh, NO! If I start eating the bedding, Mom says I'll get kicked out of the bedroom at night. So I've been trying really hard not to do that!

This morning I had a long whimpering pout to give Mom. And I've been extra loving and sweet. Oh, please don't banish me from the bedroom! I'll try and be a good kitten, honest! Gotta get back to purring at her... bye friends!

 

Editing Down Our Group List...

February 15th 2008 7:51 am
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Hey kitties!

Mom and I are editing down our list of groups me and my bro.s are in (since we realize that there are very few groups that we visit on a regular basis). So I apologize if you're offended by us leaving your group. We love all of you, but we're just trying to be honest and leave groups to those whole are active in them. Purrs and love to all of you!

--the Sparkman!

 

The One Time I Behave, She Wants Yelling?!

February 14th 2008 1:51 pm
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Hey! I finally figured out why Mom was snippy with us this morning. You see, we were confused because she was playing with us, opening cat food cans, teasing us with toys, and then suddenly she was just grumpy! I just overheard her on the phone with Dad, and now I know the whole story...

Apparently Catster has this Voki Talking Animated Cat thing going on the main page. And Mom sure loves all that weird stuff on the main page, let me tell you! We have calendars, cards, big photos... So apparently she was trying like mad this morning to get us to talk into the microphone on the laptop! Then she gets to put our voice on an animated kitten for our page! But you see, she was being so quiet that we all assumed it was quiet time and were being good, silent little kitties.

She tried messing with fetch mousie, pulling out potatoes, fed us an extra dinner, jiggled the doorknob like she was letting us on the porch, and she even sat in the bathtub waiting for me to come yell at her! Poor Mom! Why didn't she just tell us to yell?! She was being so quiet herself, we thought she had one of those headaches again or something! Yeesh, Mom!

End of the story; she gave up and we don't have any animated talking kittens... Maybe tomorrow?!

 

General Warning Issued to All Humans...

February 7th 2008 8:56 am
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Stop petting my ears, you humans! I know they get really warm when I sleep and that they're softer than soft... But your fingers are dang dang COLD! So stop it. I'll whine at you and bite them if you try it again! See these claws? They're for humans that don't listen! Stop petting my ears!

And while you're at it, stop kissing them too. Your slobber is the hardest dang smell to get off my ears, and Captain Morgan says he's sick of licking my ears every time my stupid humans kiss them. You are cramping my style and messing up my fur! Stinky humans!

Hands off the ears!
Rawr!

 

Mouse Chasings Galore!!!

February 4th 2008 9:26 am
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Oh my Bastet! There was just so much excitement here this weekend, don't be surprised if we all don't insist on writing about it in our diaries! There was a mouse in the house! And we ALL got to play with it! That is, all besides Dad; he went to work. But him going to work is how it got in! Let me explain...

We were all asleep in bed, Dad got up to go to work much earlier than usual, and we were all sleepy. So only Moose got up to say "bye" to him. And we were in bed, listening to Moose "meeping" at the door like he always does after Dad leaves. Then he starts playing with something. Real wild running around antics and crazies! And he knock over something in the other room. Captain and I looked at each other, heard Moose scamper some more, and then we were off! We knew something good was going on out there!

As we got to the living room, Moose started growling and I got scared. Moose is a fierce, strong kitty! If he says stay back, I stay back! But Captain's just the bravest dude ever. He runs over and is crouching down looking at Moose and trying to see what he's got.

Mom gets up about then and walks in and does the same. I get over there just in time to see Moose drop this teeny mouse he had in his mouth! It runs right under the sofa! So she pulls it out and lets us try and get it out from under there. We were literally running laps around the couch, trying to catch that little guy. Captain finally got it out, and chased it to the propped open door in the hall, Mom immediately opens that for us too. And the mouse had vanished!

Now we knew there were no mouse holes there, so we were sniffing around when Moose starts pawing at the corner of the wall. I stuck my head up to say "Moose. you doofus!" when I saw that teeny mouse climbing the wires to the door bell! Moose was being real careful, cause he knows we're not aloud to chew or mess with wires. (One of the few rules we respect!)

It finally falls off and starts running, and I caught it this time! I grabbed it in my mouth and carried it to the bathroom. I had an epic battle with the little intruding alien mini-mouse then! Ha ha! I was ninja chopping it and body slamming it and it was scared, me me tell you! All big eyes and claws!

Then Mom comes over with this jar. Sure Mom, jars are fun too! I batted at the jar and then swatted my mouse, who'd started climbing the shower curtain. Mom pulls out this screw driver and I'm all "Oh! YOU are going to stab it! I gotta see this." We have been trying to get those humans into hunting for months. So I just sit back and watch what I expect to be a brutal and disgusting mess.

But she just gently taps the mouse with the screw driver and shoves it into the jar. Then screws the lid on. What the?! Mom!

She got her coat and stuff on and left the jarred mouse on the floor for a second for us to gawk at. Then she picked it up and walked it outside! She came back in without it, and Moose went on the porch to look for another. We all treated her like she'd made her first kill, though I doubt it. There was no mouse blood on her anywhere! And I should know. I sniffed and licked her whole face while she was asleep!

But at least we all got an extra dinner and treats out of it... And I got potatoes! I'd rather have them than mouse guts any day! Yum! Potatoes! purrs...

 

Valentine's Day for Sparkman!

January 28th 2008 8:29 am
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I am all decorated for Valentine's Day! I got all my favorite things on my page: Ninjas, Goats, and even POTATOES!!!! (Thank you so much, Oly!)

For those of you just logging onto my page for the first time, you're probably confused to heck... Sorry about that. Let me introduce myself, I am Sparkman, aka the Ninja Goat Cat that eats raw potatoes! Phew, I bet that cleared up a whole lot of confusion. Now off to scrounge around for wayward socks and potato wedges... Purrs every-kitty!

 
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