Smokey's Thoughts

Exposé!

June 14th 2013 1:24 pm
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Nofur will believe what I found today! It appears that Meowmy is planning her summer vacation. I thought that's what she was up to when I heard her and Grandma talking about going to Vermont this summer. I did some investigative work and just look what I uncovered! She has written up directions for the cat sitter to follow while she's away. I've copied and posted them below. So this is what she tells the other humans about us. I want to make clear that anything incriminating against me that you read in this is completely untrue. I am a perfect angel.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARE OF SMOKEY AND AUTUMN AMELIA

MORNING:
Smokey usually wants to go out first thing in the morning. She will take a quick trip around her realm to make sure all is well then come back in for breakfast. Autumn will just want to eat.

Put dry food in each cat’s dish in the morning. Put a few treats in each cat’s treat bowl.

MAKE SURE SMOKEY IS INSIDE BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR THE DAY!

EVENING:
Give each cat ½ a can of food in the evening. They expect supper at 5:30 p.m. If you get back to the house later than that, feed them as soon as you get there. They will likely meet you at the door and demand supper immediately. Actually, Smokey will probably want to go out for a few minutes first. Autumn will just want to eat.

Autumn’s dish goes in front of the white cabinet and Smokey’s goes in front of the wooden waste basket.

CATS DISHES:
The dry food they have for breakfast goes into the smaller ceramic bowls. It doesn’t matter which cat gets which bowl. The canned food goes into the larger bowls. The blue bowl is Smokey’s and the one with autumn leaves is Autumn’s. The treat bowls are obvious because they have their names on them.

Lately, they have been switching bowls about half way through their meals. I don’t know why they do this, but at some point, they just decide to switch dishes. Let them do it, it’s okay. They eat out of each other’s dishes when one isn’t around. It’s okay, but you kind of have to keep an eye on them to make sure one cat isn’t eating most or all of the food and the other cat not getting enough. Mealtimes can be very stressful (for you, not so much for them).

MAKE SURE SMOKEY STAYS INSIDE AFTER SUPPER. BE WARNED: SHE WILL TRY TO TRICK, GUILT TRIP, AND BULLY YOU INTO LETTING HER OUT. DON’T FALL FOR IT. ONCE SHE’S HAD SUPPER SHE HAS NO INCENTIVE TO COME BACK IN AND SHE WILL TRY TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT. THEN SHE WILL GET EATEN BY A COYOTE AND I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU. NO ONE WANTS THAT.

9:00 p.m. - TREATS
Put a few treats in each cat’s treat bowl. They know 9:00 p.m. is treat time. They will come and get you if you forget. Sometimes they try to get treats earlier than 9:00 and it’s okay if you want to give them treats between 8:30 and 9:00, but if you do, don’t let them try to get more treats at 9:00.

Once you get the treats into their treat bowls you have to stand between them until Smokey finishes (Autumn will finish first). Once Autumn finishes you have to block her with your body from going to Smokey’s bowl. Keep at it until Smokey finishes. Otherwise, Autumn will push Smokey away and take her treats.

Please put the treat bags back in the cabinet after you put the treats in their dishes. If you leave them out they will wait until you leave the room then rip them open to get at the rest of the treats.

WATER:
Be sure the water fountain is full and running at all times. Add water to the basin if it looks low or starts making weird noises.

LITTER BOX:
Please scoop litter box at least once a day. Put waste into plastic bag. If the bag gets too full, tie it up and throw it in the blue trash container outside. I usually scoop the litter box in the evening. No matter where the cats are, when you finish, announce in a loud voice “CLEAN LITTER BOX!”, so that they know that it’s clean. They actually do wait for this announcement, especially Smokey.

GOING OUTSIDE:
Autumn is not allowed outside. Smokey is allowed out in the daytime, but only if someone is home to let her back in. Please do not leave her outside when you are not home and NEVER let her out after supper. In fact, it’s best to close the door while she’s eating supper. If the door remains open she will tease relentlessly to be let out. If you have to go out after the cats have had supper, please be very, very careful that Smokey doesn’t get out either as you leave or return. She’s very determined and very sneaky.

Smokey hates rain. If it is raining out she won’t go out, but she’ll be furious. Expect her to yell at you and slap you, but try to keep her from beating up on Autumn. Smokey also hates noises. If someone outside is making noise (running a lawnmower, bouncing a basketball, using a power tool, etc.) she will be afraid to go out and she will blame you. Accept it. No one has ever been able to convince her that the weather and the actions of the neighbors in their own yards is not the fault of the person holding open the door. Prepare for the wrath of the cat to descend upon you. It has taken a really long time, but Autumn seems to have finally figured out that she should hide during these times.

FIGHTS:
Sometimes they get into a tussle. Usually, if you just say “GIRLS!” in a loud, sharp voice, they will stop. Of course, they will look at you like “what?” Then they’ll start up again. Separate them if they get too rough.

ATTITUDES:
Smokey might slap your feet or legs if she gets mad at you for something, or even just for the heck of it. At least she keeps her claws in. For your own safety DO NOT pick her up unless you absolutely have to. She hates being picked up and she will whip around and go for your face. The claws may or may not come out. Don’t be deceived by her size. She is very strong and extremely fast!

Autumn is generally pretty laid back. Just don’t touch her pirate ship. She has a habit of giving little bites. They really don’t hurt and I’m pretty sure they are meant to be “love bites”. However, since she usually does it first thing in the morning, the other theory is that they are “feed me now” bites. Her other habit (and this is adorable) is that she likes to grab your leg as you walk past her. No claws and it’s mostly just a little tap. I’m not sure what it means. Since it usually happens in or near the kitchen I think it might mean that she is trying to push you towards the food so you can get some for her.

THE PIRATE SHIP AND THE BANANA:
The pirate ship has been moved to the front entryway. Autumn is still very possessive of it, so it’s best to just leave it alone. Smokey doesn’t usually bother with it so it shouldn’t be a problem. The catnip banana is Smokey’s favorite toy. Autumn knows that and when she’s jealous or mad at Smokey she takes the banana. Please try to keep fights over the banana to a minimum.

YOUR BEDTIME:
Lately, Smokey has been very insistent about what time I go to bed. She wants me to go to bed whenever she’s ready to go to bed for the night (usually no later than 10:30 or 11:00). She seems to think she can’t go to bed until I do. I don’t know if she’ll do the same with you. If it gets late and she starts meowing at you, it probably means she thinks you’re up too late and wants you to go to bed. It doesn’t matter whether she’s planning on sleeping in the same bed with you or not. She just wants you to know you’ve gone to bed so that she can, too. She’s becoming very strange and super bossy as she ages.

PETTING STATIONS:
Smokey has several petting stations. When she wants to be petted she will come to you, meow a lot and start to walk away, looking back to see if you are following her. When she gets to one of her petting stations, she will throw herself down on the floor and look up at you expectantly. You are supposed to pet her. She has a spot near her hips that she doesn’t like touched (she may have arthritis). If you accidently touch that spot she will whip around and try to rip your hand off. It’s better to stick with just petting her head and upper body. She will let you know when she’s had enough petting by slapping, biting or trying to wrestle you. When she does that, stop petting her if you know what’s good for you.

THE ROCKING CHAIR:
Mom's recliner/rocker in her bedroom is really Smokey’s chair. It’s okay if you sit in it, but Smokey might stare at you. She also might jump in your lap. If she does jump in your lap she will want to be petted. If she curls up on your lap you are supposed to pet her, rock her, and sing lullabies to her. She likes “On Top of Old Smokey”, “Rock-a-Bye Smokey” and some other lullaby that you’ll have to get my mom to teach you. She’s usually done after three lullabies and will get down.

SITTING ON THE COUCH:
Autumn is rarely affectionate, but lately whenever I’m sitting on the couch and she’s around she jumps up and sits half on the couch and half in my lap. I don’t know if she will do this with you or not, but in case she does there are a few things of which you should be aware. First of all, she does “happy claws” on your legs and expects to be petted non-stop. If Smokey happens to be around at the time she will glare at both of you. She hates it when Autumn gets any attention. This could account for why Autumn has started doing it. I’m usually eating something when Autumn does this, so that could also account for it. She may actually just be buttering me up for some food or planning a way to steal it. Whatever her motive, it’s probably not genuine affection, so don’t get a swelled head over it.

WHERE THEY ARE ALLOWED AND WHERE THEY ARE NOT:
They are allowed in all rooms, but try not to let them get closed into closets. They are allowed on the beds, couch and chairs. They are not supposed to be on the breakfast or dining room tables – good luck with that. They are allowed on the dishwasher and on top of the refrigerator, but not on the kitchen counters or the island. They are usually pretty good about those. They pretty much have the run of the house. They go in my craft room a lot (especially Autumn). I don’t know what they are making, but it must be a big project because they’ve been working on it for a long time. If they start hanging out in my craft room, please try to distract them and get them out of there. They are prone to eating craft materials and pulling out ribbons and beading wire and generally making a big mess.

CARRIERS:
Should an emergency arise which necessitates taking them anywhere, they should be put into their carriers. The carriers are in the basement. Smokey’s is the pink carrier that looks like a tent. Autumn’s is the hard plastic carrier. Warning: they HATE the carriers. They will fight being put in them. (Autumn is almost too big for hers). The best way to do it is to stand the carrier on end, pick up the cat and put her in hind-legs first. Quickly zip or lock the carrier, then gently lower the carrier to its correct position. Be absolutely certain that Autumn’s carrier is locked as she can and will open it if it isn’t. When putting the carriers in your car, please strap the seat belts around them. Hopefully, you will not have to do this at all. Oh, and they hide as soon as they see you take the carriers out, so you have to be as sneaky as possible about it. It’s best if you can close them onto the sun porch before you even go get the carriers. Be aware, though, that they will hide under the benches on the sun porch and you will have to crawl under and drag them out. It’s not easy because they will dig their claws into the rug, so be careful. Once you have unhooked them from the rug they will dig their claws into you. Expect there to be blood – yours.

HIDING PLACES:
If you can’t find the cats, try looking in their favorite hiding places. They both hide under any of the beds in the house. Autumn also likes to get on the top shelf of the metal shelving units in the basement and hide behind boxes. They have other hiding places that no one has discovered yet. I'm pretty sure they can make themselves invisible when they want to.

CLOSETS:
You probably won’t have any need to open any closets, but just in case you do, please be sure the cats aren’t in them before you close the door. More than once Smokey has slipped by me unnoticed and ended up shut in my bedroom closet. For some reason she likes to sit there and look at my shoes.

Lately, Smokey has been asking to go into my closet to see the shoes. If she stands at the closet door and meows that’s what she wants. You can open the door so she can go in and look at the shoes, but make sure she’s out before you shut the door. She usually does this a couple of times a day – once in the morning and once at night. She’s getting really weird in her old age. Humor her.

DOORS:
Neither cat likes closed doors. Closet doors should be kept closed, but doors to rooms should be kept open. They don’t like being closed in or out of any room. Autumn loves to hang out in the bathroom window. If you use the bathroom while she’s in there, try not to close the door all the way. It makes her very nervous. I think it goes back to a traumatic kittenhood experience. When she was a baby and had only been living with us for a few days, Smokey pushed her into the guest room closet and shut the door. We didn’t find her until the next morning. She was sitting on a shelf when I opened the closet door and practically fell out into my arms. (Smokey was furious that I let her out and hissed at me!) Ever since then Autumn has hated closed doors.

Autumn loves to look out the door of the sun porch. She also loves to have the front door open, so you can leave these two doors open during the day as long as you are going to be there.

WINDOWS:
Both cats love to sit in open windows. Their favorites are the ones in my bedroom and the bathroom window. Autumn also likes to sit on the little round table in the sun porch and look out over the birdbath and flower garden. Smokey likes the sun porch window that faces the back yard. Leave the windows open for them as much as possible. Just be sure to close them if it rains or if it’s supposed to rain while you are going to be gone. Rain tends to come in through my bedroom window that faces the neighbor’s house and everything gets soaked.

THUNDER STORMS:
Autumn is afraid of thunder storms. If there is a storm she will probably go downstairs or hide under a bed. Smokey is not afraid of storms and will continue her usual routine which consists mainly of sleeping.

BEFORE YOU LEAVE:
Before you leave the house, please be sure you know where both cats are just so that you know that when you left they were both inside and safe.

That’s all I can think of right now. I hope I haven’t missed anything important.


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING CARE OF MY PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRLS!

HAVE FUN!

Note from Czarina Smokey: Meowmy included the phone number for our vet at the end of this, but I took it out. Just the thought of someone calling the vet is too horrible for anyfur to have to contemplate. *shivers*

 
 

Leave A Comment | 5 people already have

Purred by: Meep (Catster Member)

June 14th 2013 at 8:46 pm

These things are very important for cat sitters to know! We have petting stations too, in fact that's the exact thing meowmie calls them. I wonder if they're related?

And food drills . . . and bed/door checks . . . hiding under beds from carriers . . . we have lots in common. Your meowmie is very thorough and your catsitter will know you well. Good luck to all!
Purred by: ishtar *proud wobnapt* (Catster Member)

June 15th 2013 at 2:25 pm

smokey, what an extremely caring mom you have! i had thought the "manual" my human had written was already, well, "ok"... but your mom hardly left out anything...

just one note from my person: as a believer in murphy's laws she would add the v-person's phone number after you took it out. when it is at hand - it definitely won't be needed ;)
[human's thinking is strange, but i think at this point she might be right - add the number of all emergencies, smokey!!!]
Purred by: Czarina Smokey Stone (Catster Member)

June 15th 2013 at 7:11 pm

Don't worry Ishtar. The vet's number and directions for how to get to her office are still on the original that goes to the cat sitter. I just took them off the copy I put in my diary so no furs would have to see anything referring to a V-person. I was afraid it would give them nightmares.

We are lucky that the cat sitter is a very good friend of Meowmy's who loves us, too!
Purred by: Spice E (Catster Member)

July 3rd 2013 at 3:35 pm

I have to admit, your human is VERY detailed about everything but at times she makes it sound like you are not very nice and I know that cannot be a fact! She gives lots of warnings about you! Hope your mom has a good time and you have a good time with the cat sitter.
Purred by: Czarina Smokey Stone (Catster Member)

July 3rd 2013 at 3:46 pm

Spice E, you are so right. Meowmy sometimes forgets that I am the Czarina - supreme ruler of my realm - and as such, I am to be obeyed in all things. She mistakes my imperial majesty for not being "nice". *sigh* Humans just aren't very smart, are they?


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Czarina Smokey Stone


 

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