It has happened. Meowmy's neice has come to visit. She is staying with us for a whole week. Why is this a nightmare? Because Meowmy's neice is a *shudder* Veterinary Technician! Worse than that, she teaches other humans how to be Vet Techs at a college in Phoenix where she lives. She is passing on her evil knowledge and cat torturing techniques. Her whole life is dedicated to the evil practice.
Meowmy and Grandma, the traitors, let her into MY PALACE. She brought a man with her who she calls her fiance. Meowmy says that means they are going to get married. He pretends to be very nice and, heaven help me, I love the way he pets me, but let's think about this. He is going to marry a V-E-T person, so there must be SOMETHING wrong with him.
The very first day they were here I inspected their suitcases while they were out. I smelled five different cats! I couldn't find the cats,though, so I don't know what they've done with them. I shudder to think!
The next day the V-E-T person dared to pick me up. I went for her face. That stopped her. Or so I thought.
Later, I was minding my own business resting in the bedroom windowsill when suddenly Meowmy (traitor) and the V-Person appeared in the room. Autumn Amelia was sleeping on the bed and was easy prey so they grabbed her first and clipped all her claws.
I should have known. I should have seen it coming. But I was so enjoying watching the little brat get her claws clipped that I never gave it a thought. The next thing I knew the V-Person turned on me, grabbed me off the window sill and put me on the bed. She examined my nose and ears (which itch like crazy lately to the point where I have scratched them bloody)and she said to Meowmy, "looks like allergies. You should take her to the vet and get some meds for her.) WHAT?! Not only do I have to put up with a V-Person in my own palace, but I have to get in that horrible carrier and go to my vet's office, too?! It was all too much!
Next Meowmy (traitor)tried to hold me down while the V-Person tried to clip my claws. I am stronger and fiercer than prissy little Autumn Amelia. They could only get four of my claws before I got away. I managed to slap the V-Person before I dove under the bed. *grins at the memory*
The very next day, Meowmy (traitor) sneaked up on me while I was napping and whisked me into my carrier. I remembered the words of the V-Person: take her to the vet. Get meds.
I knew where we were going.
At the vet they did unmeowable things to me with a thermometer. Then they poked around all the scabs on my nose and ears. The vet said I have seasonal allergies (I get them every year)so she gave me a shot - yes, that's right - stuck a needle right into me. She said it would make me stop feeling so itchy, but that if we don't get a hard frost within the next two weeks I will probably have to get another one. I know humans control the weather. If there is no hard frost to kill my allergies between now and then and I have to get another shot, I will know for sure it is all part of their great conspiracy.
Then my traitorous Meowmy asked the vet to clip my claws. She told her how she and her neice had only been able to get four of them. So the vet got one of her minions to hold me down and they wouldn't let me go until all my claws were clipped. I've never hissed so hard in all my life, and believe me, I have hissed a lot in my time (living with Autumn Amelia causes uncontrollable hissing).
As if all of this was not bad enough, the vet actually brought out a camera and took a close-up picture of my scratched up nose. She said it's so that when my allergies come back next year she can compare it. A likely story. It was simply to embarrass the cat. Will the horrors and humilations never cease?!
She let it slip that the picture would be kept in my file. So... they are keeping a file on me, ay? I've always suspected a conspiracy involving those V-people and now I have the proof. Yet I find myself to be the main target, especially since one of their kind has invaded my palace. Notice that I had to go to the Vet because the neice told Meowmy (traitor) to take me. It was a set-up. She did not come here to introduce her fiance to us, nor, as she claims, to be in her friend's wedding. That was a clever ruse, but not clever enough for me. I've figured out that much. Now I just need to ferret out what sort of plans they have in mind. I suspect they want to do experiments on me to find the secrets of feline intelligence superiority over that of humans. Ha! That is not something they could ever understand.
I am writing this in my diary because my little sisfur, Autumn Amelia, is probably too embarrassed to write it in her diary even though it happened to her. It's too funny not to share, so I just have to.
First of all, you must know that the dishwasher (not a built-in)is right next to the refrigerator. My food dish is kept on top of the refrigerator because if I eat on the floor like my sisfur, as soon as she finishes inhaling her food, she comes to my dish, pushes me out of the way, and eats all of my food. So Meowmy started feeding me on top of the fridge so that I could at least eat in peace.
A few days ago Grandma was standing at the counter next to the dishwasher. She was making chicken salad. She had placed the mashed up chicken in a bowl to which she had added chopped celery and sliced olives. She had mixed the mayo in and was just turning away to get a plate out of the cabinet and bread from the breadbox to make her sandwhich.
Suddenly there was a loud crash and we all turned to see a blur of calico fur flying through the air along with the bowl of chicken salad, two placemats, and a basket full of pens and pencils.
Autumn Amelia had jumped from the floor to the dishwasher and then attempted to jump from the dishwasher to the top of the refrigerator in order to steal my food. However, she has such long fur that even the pads of her paws are covered with fur and she didn't get a good grip. When her paws hit the two plastic placemats that were on top of the fridge, she slid right off along with the placemats. On the way down, she took the basket of pens and pencils and Grandma's chicken salad with her! The bowl landed upside down on the kitchen floor. What a mess!
Well, you would think she'd be in BIG trouble. But no! The "adorable" furball gets away with everything. Meowmy went running to her saying, "Autumn, sweetie, are you okay?" and checking her all over to be sure she wasn't hurt. She was fine, just scared and embarrassed. Grandma started picking up the pens and pencils and in the midst of them she found a letter opener. "I've been looking all over for this!" she exclaimed. Meowmy said, "what a good girl, Autumn found it for you."
Good girl?? Let's recap: Autumn Amelia attempts to STEAL MY FOOD, sends placemats, pens and pencils flying through the air, and turns Grandma's lunch upside down on the floor. And she is a GOOD GIRL? *sigh* The only justice here is that she didn't get my food, but she got what she deserved for trying to steal it.
I knew it. I knew it all along. I was suspicious that Meowmy and Grandma were planning to go away for Christmas and now I know it's true. Meowmy told me herself. She and Grandma are going on a spiritual retreat at a monastery for three days. I can't believe it. They will be gone Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and won't be back until the afternoon of the day after Christmas. This is outrageous! How can they do this to us?!
Meowmy said that she made arrangements with Santa Paws. He's going to make a special trip to our house on New Year's Eve just for us. I suppose that's very accommodating of him, but why must we wait? Just because Meowmy and Grandma want to see us open our presents? Then they should just stay home! Meowmy's friend that I wrote about is coming to take care of us. Couldn't she help us open presents? I am so distressed. This is just awful. I can't believe we are going to miss Christmas.
Maybe Autumn Amelia and I will have our own Christmas together. She went to the vet today for a rabies shot and she's still in a snit over it, but hopefully it will have passed by tomorrow evening. Even if Santa isn't coming for us until New Year's Eve, we can still have our own kitty Christmas together. We will meow Chirstmas carols, nap under the tree, sniff the presents and say our purrayers. It will still be Christmas no matter what. *sigh*
Meowmy and Grandma just better really make up for this on New Year's!
