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Lan

A Lan Sized Hole in our Heart

t's over. We just came back from the vet's office but the carrier was empty. Lan's eating had become almost nothing and she didn't even want her nightly treats that she loved so much. All she wanted to do was lie where it was cool and quiet, and motor for us when we were near.

Ted came home around 2 PM and we went to the vet shortly after that with Lan. Ted stayed with her the entire time, petting her in the carrier, talking to her and trying he best not to cry, though neither of us had any luck with that. Our regular vet was evidently on vacation, and the gentleman who was taking his place was very kind. We told him what was going on and between her ribs showing through and her rapid breathing, he saw that she was reaching the end. He gave her a sedative to help her sleep and Lan almost immediately lay down while we stroked her and talked to her. He came back about 5 minutes later to administer the final drug and I couldn't stay. Ted did, but I couldn't.

It wasn't long before Ted came out. He said she went very quickly, an indication that it was time.

We're both home now, grieving for a big orange and white cat who touched our lives for seven wonderful years. Seven years with the magic fork, watching the bird feeders, chasing a laser pointer or begging for pieces of turkey before bed time. At least we know that on the other side of that Rainbow Bridge, she's meatloafed in a warm sunny spot and watching the birds...

Sweet baby

As stated on Lan's bio, she was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2006 and had surgery to remove the growth. The prognosis was not good as this particular type of cancer is very aggressive, even with the tumor removed. Most cats barely live out a year from their diagnosis. We hoped Lan would be one of the lucky ones.

During a follow up visit in August, we dicussed between my husband and I, and Lan's vet, about treatments. With the disease being the type that it is, and Lan just so upset and miserable during and after her visits, we decided it was best to just let her live whatever days she had in peace at her home with the things that made her happy and comfortable. The vet agreed, saying that chemo could be given but it would no doubt make her sick and didn't have a good success rate to warrant what we would put her through. It felt like we were putting a death sentence on her, but just couldn't see putting her through such discomfort and fear. By December, my husband felt several lumps in her teats. The disease had returned and with a vengence.

While taking Gracie in for her check up in Apri, I asked the vet what symptoms to look for in Lan as the cancer metastasized. Working in the medical field as I do, I suspected the cancer would move to other organs. The obvious signs would be loss of appetite and she would have difficulty breathing. We've noticed breathing difficulties in the past few weeks, along with coughing that sounds like she has fluid in her chest. She had been eating fairly well, but recently we've had to stay with her, constantly fluffing up her food and talking to her, a small price to pay to coax her into putting some food down.

Today, we only got her to eat a few mouthfuls. She purrs and sings for us, but doesn't seem interested in food. She won't even eat the treats she's loved every night before we go to bed. She's been coughing several times today, for longer periods of time. She's starting to look thin in the flanks and her fur is losing its luster. This is hurting my husband - he's been her person from the day we took her home from PetSmart, and he dotes on her whenever he can.

For now, all we can do is wait and see. I'm afraid we'll wait too long to do something and she's suffering and in pain, but also afraid we might do something too soon and it wasn't her time. But all we can do is wait... and hope.