*Wrapping Presents With A Cat*

(thanks joanne!)


1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2 Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out p resent and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Vow to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the thing for you.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now Wasn't this the Purfect Cat-astrophy

Having Balance in My Life

How do you achieve balance in your life?
I achieve balance more often than ever before. I am almost one year old! I have been a very clumsy kitten. Sometimes I don’t know that walking on the newspaper that is hanging off of the table’s edge is not the same as walking on the table. The newspaper won’t hold me up!

What is your biggest challenge in balancing your life?
My biggest balancing challenge is trying to tip-toe past Icon when he is asleep on the back of the sofa. I like to run past him before he can swat at me.

What are your priorities?
That’s easy! I want to PLAY! If it moves, I will try to play with it. Even if it doesn’t move, I will still try to play with it… pushing pens and pocket change off of the tables is fun.

How have your priorities changed over time and why?
So far, I have not found anything I like to do as much as playing. I like being picked up and petted more than I used to. However, I am still squirmy-wormy.

What advice can you share to help all of us balance our own lives?
Be careful jumping from the end table to the windowsill. If there is paper on the end table, find another way up to the windowsill. The paper can fly back when you push off with your back paws, and you could fall.

The Cat's Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
and chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleighbells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.

"Must be Santa" thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa
so jolly and fat
With a huge load of presents
and all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

Thanksgiving

Hello Catster Cats!
I couldn't believe it when I saw how log is has been since I wrote a diary entry! Well I have a few things to tell you about.
I guess I could start with my experience at the Vet. Last month I went to the Vet to be spayed. It wasn't too bad really. I have a shaved belly and I kept trying to get the suture out myself. I KNOW that the suture shouldn't be ON me! MOL. It is gone now and maybe mammacat will take some pictures of my belly while it's bare.

Thanksgiving was okay, but not great. I discovered that I LOVE TURKEY. Unfortunately, my People went to their People's houses and cooked and ate at those houses. Maybe for the next holiday we'll cook and eat TURKEY here.

Icon keeps wondering where his Christmas tree is, and when is it going to get here. I'm not sure what he's talking about... This will be my first Christmas! YAY!
I am also excited to see snow. I have seen it on TV. I like to watch penguins. I like to imagine myself chasing a penguin in the snow. Like a snow leopard! ROAR! Maybe when it snows here I can go outside and chase some birds or a squirrel! I can pretend I'm a BIG SNOW LEOPARD!
I CAN'T WAIT FOR SNOW! yay!

I'm in the contest!!

Are you entered in the World's Coolest Dog & Cat??? Enter Now!!
Please vote for Kateri at the 2nd Annual World's Coolest Dog and Cat Show!

Suppose Edgar Allen Poe's Cat Wrote "The Raven"

The End of the Raven
-- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat
by Eric Portell

On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"

Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered, I made sure that nothing
clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."

While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.

"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.

Hello

I am so excited that I finally have my own Catster page!

I have been hearing all about Catster from Icon since I arrived here last week. What an exciting week it has been. I am now part of a real family! (I had a wonderful foster family up until now)

I don't miss my littermates because I have NEW fuuriends here. There are kittens only a little bit bigger than me, so I think Diablo is my new boyfriend. Mom says I'm not old enough to have a boyfriend and that Diablo isn't intrested anyway cause he is neutered.

I'm suppossed to be a companion to Chloe Anne and Icon, but they aren't that much fun. Chloe tries to act like she is the boss because she is bigger, but it is all show. Icon is grumpy to me and he only cares about his Missions as a Spy Cat. I'm going to be a Spy Cat too! Icon thinks I am too little and I would get scared, but I am never scared.
I'd be a good assassin because I have super long kitten claws! No one has been able to keep me still for long enough to trim them. Having long kitten claws are good for climbing up stuff and are necissary for traction. Oh, did I mention I am a fast runner? Yea, sometimes when mom is playing my favorite game with me (chasing the stick end of the cat teaser) I actually get IN FRONT of it!!!!!

So anyway, here I am! yipppie!

I can't wait to make new Catster friends!!!!!

>^..^