December 22nd 2011 1:36 pm
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It has been 10 weeks since Sally Maria left for the Bridge. 10 weeks of not being able to hold my girl, of not being able to hear that wonderful purr of hers or her squeaky little meow. 10 weeks since I said good bye to my best friend.
I miss my little girl so much...
Thank you all for the sweet rosies and pmails for Sally's birthday. It was such a difficult day for me, coming less than a month after she left us. I know everyone here has suffered through the loss of a pet and your words of kindness and sympathy mean so much to me. If anything, I find it hurts more now than it did back then. The numbness has faded but the pain and the grief still remain.
I am so fortunate that her last moments with us were exactly how I'd hoped they'd be. My girl definitely knew how much we loved her and I think there was a sense of relief on her part, that she was glad that we were helping her to the Bridge so that she could finally be at peace. I have no regrets, no doubts, no guilt. At last Sally knows what it feels like to be healthy with no limitations or restrictions. I'm glad the pain is mine and not hers to bear.
But there is such an emptiness in my heart and such a void in my life. I am trying so hard to be happy for Skyler's sake, and for my husband and Trinity and Emily. They just want me to be happy again so I do what I can so they think I am. The tears still come every day but I save them for when I'm alone. I know my wounds are still fresh and that, in time, they will heal. But now they're just open, raw and angry.
I've decided that I'm going to wait to get another kitty. As much as I miss having one of my own, if I adopted one now, I would just be trying to find another Sally and that's not fair to me or to her memory. My life will always have cats in it, but right now I need some more time. One day I'll be ready to open my heart to a new furry friend, but not now.
Thank you again, all of you, for all your words of encouragement, love and support. They have gotten me through some pretty rough times, just as they did when Sally was here. Each and every one of you has a very special place in my heart and I am grateful to have you in my life.
Love & Hugs,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi
November 2nd 2011 9:17 pm
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Sally Maria’s mama here…
It’s been 26 days since my little girl became an angel.
Tomorrow would have been her 17th birthday. For the first time in 16 years, I won’t be singing “Happy Birthday” to her as soon as I get up. We won’t be going for a celebratory walk outside. I won’t be getting her chicken for dinner. It will be up to her new angel friends at the Bridge to help her celebrate.
It hurts so much to not have her here. While I am happy to know that I spared her any further pain and suffering, I had no idea that it would be this hard. I have cried every day since September 29th, which is the day my husband and I made the decision to help her to the Bridge. I am surprised that I haven’t felt any of the guilt that I always thought I would feel – “I should have done this…” or “I shouldn’t have done that…” – but I was in no way prepared for the crushing emptiness and loneliness I have felt since letting her go. The mornings are the hardest. Between my husband leaving for work and Skyler getting up, there is “girls time”. I spend 20-30 minutes every morning on the couch with a blanket either reading or playing on the computer and my girls snuggle with me. Sally was always there for “girls time”, even on the mornings she didn’t feel good she would move a little closer and purr her loud, rusty purr. I would do just about anything to be able to hear that sound again, to see her sweet face, to hold her little paw… I haven’t been able to put many of her things away. Her electric blanket is still in front of the fireplace, her pill bottles (now empty) still sit on the counter next to her pill shooter. Her comb still sits on the table with the fur from her last combing in it. I guess it’s a way of keeping her near.
Her little memorial area is coming along. I’ll post the pictures on her page but it’s still a work in progress. I’ve ordered a shadow box kit so I can keep safe the beautiful towel that Sky’s mommy embroidered for me. I have her last collar along with her lock of fur, paw print and the pretty picture collage that Jazzi Angel’s mommy had made for me. Sitting in the middle of it all is the beautiful little cedar box with my baby girl’s ashes inside. I’m not sure yet if this is what I want her to be in permanently, but it’s okay for right now. On the wall above everything is the paw print we made on her last night with us and a picture taken of her on her last day. I am in love with that picture. When I look at it, her expression says, “It’s okay mama. I’m at peace.” I made a copy of it for my desk at work and I happen to know that the other copy I made is sitting on Dr. Hansche’s desk so she can keep him company when he makes his calls and does his paperwork.
I have finally been able to read all of the pmails, rosies and comments that she received when she left for the Bridge. A simple “thank you” doesn’t cover how touched I am by all the love and support you all have shown us. I feel I have to hide my tears from my friends and family because they just don’t understand the depth of the loss that I feel, but I know my fellow Catsters do. That’s why we’re all here, because we share a common love and devotion to our furbabies. I have cried and ached along with others when it was their turn to let go. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for being here for me and Sally, for reaching out and sharing both the good times and bad. You guys mean the world to me.
I can never thank you enough for the comments, pmails and rosies but words are all I have so THANK YOU to Riley-Wiley, Rufus, Misha Angel, Gracie, Murray, Jezebel, Milo, Murder, Skids Kitty, Sissy, Chef Rooster, Alfie, Calvin, Novi, Tyler (Boombastic Angel), Hazel Lucy, Tigger, the family of Big Harry, Patches and Zack, the family of Junior Fluffkins, Tethys Fluffkins, Jake and Samantha, the family of Alex the Angel, Ray, Busby and Toot Suite, the family of Angel Princess, Angel Smokey, Cassie and Sassy, the family of Adam Dylan and Eve Layla, the family of Kaci Sunshine, Miss Mittens, Abby, Jennifer and Pete, the family of Ko, Taz, Jacob and Flinders, the family of Murray, Willie, Pearl and Cindy Lou, the family of sweet Angel Alex, Lacey and Finney, the family of Scooter, Lola, SooLing, Ashlynne and Beepers, the family of Misha, Angel Marrakech, Samsara and Colette Sidonie-Samantha, the family of Timmy Tomcat, Toby Tomcat, Buddy Tomcat, Inky and Little Guy, the family of Alex, Annie Angelpants and Bugsy, the family of Snickers, Kitty, Baby and Sammy, the family of Miss Sable-Kitty, Max, Charley, Max & Diamond Lil, the family of Buddie, McKenna, Cash and Gibbs, the family of Ashley, Callie and Tony, the family of Blade, Tigga, Rufus and Pepsi, the family of Torbjorn, Onyx, Jasper, Severian and Victoria, the family of Dusty the DogCat, Rocket Sprocket and Shady, Baby-G and Little-One, the family of Moozer, Punkin, Spot, Sealegs and Bobcat, the family of Teebo, Callie and Rose, the family of Pinkie, Biggles, Nonny, Buddy and Fluffy, the family of Bella, Orange Ruffy, Smokie-boo and Natalie the NatCat, the family of Ava, Andy, Arli, Augie and Lilah, Timo Katze, Callie, Balty, Bobcat Fluffy Angel, Hooch, Peaches, Trouser, The Olde Furts, Scooter PAWS, Angel Amelia, Rascal, Freckles, Augie, Sky, Myrfyn, Cleo, Edwina, Da Tabbies O Trout Towne, Serena Honey Girl Angel, Alexander, Nala Sue Angel, Rebby, Gentleman Jack, Tink the Cat, Wyatt James, Sammie, Harley.
Thank you all for loving my little girl. She was one in a million, a little furry angel sent here to share her life and love with me. I am so grateful to have shared 16 ½ wonderful years with her. There will always be cats in my house, but there will never be another Sally Maria.
Hugs,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi
October 8th 2011 9:15 pm
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Sally Maria's mama here. Just wanted to let you all know that she had a very peaceful, gentle crossing.
Our day was quiet. Sally was very interested in getting attention, more so than usual. She got lots of pets, loves and rubs with a couple of sessions with the baby brush. About 1:00, I made her a snack of last night's Popeye's chicken and then she decided that she wanted to go outside (which surprised me). We spent a few minutes on the patio during which I kept trying to get her picture, but she kept moving closer to me so I couldn't focus on her. I finally got a couple of shots which turned out surprisingly good.
Her appointment was at 3:00. They took us back to their "quiet room" and Dr. Hansche came in. He said that every once in a while, he'd fall in love with one of his patients and Sally Maria was one of those. He thanked me for taking such good care of her and for choosing him to be her vet. My husband and I had her on the couch between us, wrapped in her favorite birdie blanket. Sally jumped a bit when the sedative went in but quieted quickly and we said our goodbyes. Then Dr. Hansche came back in and gave her the second shot. She was gone before he was done with it. He gave me a lock of her fur, both black and white, from right behind her ear - my second favorite place to kiss. He gave me a hug as he left the room. The whole thing took only 20 minutes.
I have no second thoughts, no doubts or regrets. Sally had grown so weak and frail, it was painful just to watch her walk across the room. We wanted to let her go before she began to suffer. I knew this would be hard, but had no idea of the pain I'd be feeling. Coming home and not seeing her on her heated blanket in front of the fire place was like a knife in the heart. I just can't fathom the idea of never seeing her again. My husband said he feels lost. He was Sally's "man" for 11 years and loves her about as much as I do. Trinity knows that something is wrong and is hiding under the bed. I know that the pain will lessen in time but that doesn't help right now. Right now, I just want my baby back. I want to hold her and hear that loud, raspy purr. I'd give anything to be able to kiss her little forehead again.
My girl is gone and she took a big piece of my heart with her.
Thank you so much for all the kind words, comments, pmails and rosies. It hurts to much to read them right now but I can feel the love and sympathy behind them all. Thank you for loving my sweet girl.
Hugs & tears,
Sally Maria's mama Kristi
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