January 24th 2013 3:41 pm
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Saying a final goodbye to you today is the hardest thing Mama's ever done. You've been with me since the very beginning of me being an adult, living on my own. You've given me a lot of scares through the years, but there was no doubt in my mind this morning that it was your time. You were ready.
I wish you had told me when you first got sick. Maybe I could have made you better? I just didn't know how serious it was when you didn't have the zest for eating like you used to around Thanksgiving '12. I thought you were just being your usual fussy self. But when you stopped eating altogether, I knew something was dreadfully wrong.
I don't even know what made you so ill, but your blood work says that your liver was very sick. At least the rest of you was healthy. I am certain that giving you some of Sab's fluids Christmas Day helped give you another month to play, zip, zag, hiss at Sab, and cuddle with me for another month.
I knew you'd tell me when you were ready to go. I didn't want you to be in pain, but you made it quite clear 2 weeks ago that you didn't want anymore medication, even if it was for pain. This morning, though, I saw it in your eyes: you were ready. I know you hated the ride to the clinic, and you weren't happy to see Dr. Vicki again, but I promised that she would help you feel better, and she did. You died with your dignity & on your own terms, growling at her, nurse Rene, and Sab, but you didn't growl at me. I will always treasure the last kisses you gave me.
The apartment is so empty now. Both Sab & I have looked for you; just can't help it. I expect to see you behind my desk chair, or in your Morgan's bed next to my desk. You were always there to comfort me when I was so upset. Not having you here to bury my face in your shoulder, to hear you purring so hard you choke yourself, having you touch & knead my tear-stained cheeks... just reinforces that you're gone, because you would never let me be alone when I was sad. It is going to be very hard going to sleep tonight without you next to my pillow. I will shed a lot of tears because I miss you so much, but they're also happy tears.
I am so blessed that you chose me all those years ago. It has been a privilege to be chosen to be your mama, to love you, and be loved by you for 15.5 years, and it is an honor that I will cherish forever. I love you, my Baby. Thank you for the lifetime of memories you've given me to cherish & hold close to my heart until its my time to go.
We've all greeted Mackenzie at the gate, and she is going to be taken good care of by all her angel pals. We're sending lots of purrs to your Mama and Sab during this sad time.
Yes we are greeted your sweet purring baby girl and she will be loved and given warmth by us angels.
You are in our thoughts and prayers during this time of sadness and your grief...it is never easy for any of us.
Mom heard something that she told me is so true "the hardest part of letting go, is learning to start over". So we all have to learn to start over without our precious babies and we all grieve in our own ways. Hope one day she will give you a sign that there is another kitty just for you because she picked this kitty for you.
She left her paw print in many hearts.We are all here for you!
QT, angel hugs and butterflies from heaven
Hazel Lucy told me you have your own cloud! You can send beams of love to your momma anytime you want. HL and I are purring for your mom's broken heart.
Sending lotsa purrs and love.
we are so sorree fur yer loss, mommie is crying