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Jazzi's special thoughts and share with you all

Living in a world of darkness....

October 26th 2008 8:27 am
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A few days ago, I woke up to find the sun no longer shines....the world as I have known it for the past 19 years no longer is filled with unfamiliar darkness. Where did the sunlight go? The darkness is scarey and not something I am comforatable with. I now walk slowly looking for the light....and it never comes. I am still not sure what happened to sunlight. I love the sun....and yet, it no longer exists for me. I don't use my voice anymore as I am unsure who may be listening. Going blind suddenly is overhemling and so difficult for all of us to understand.
Mommy wasn't sure what was wrong...she just knew I was not myself. I became quiet, non-responsive, disoreinted and retreated within myself. After speaking with the vet by phone, he felt perhaps, I had a mini-stoke; however, after visiting the vet, we were told I was totally blind. We were in shock (and still are). As I had just been to the vet right before I went on vacation with my family.
I have what is called SARDS, or Sudden Acute Rentinal Detachement Syndrome...sudden blindness. More than likely, my blindess was a direct result of my Chronic Renal Failure and Hyperthyrodism leading to one instance on elevated Blood pressure reputurning and detaching both my retinas...something the vet says is extrordinarily rare. Although kitties with Chronic Renal Failure and Hyperthyroidism often develop high blood pressure which can result in blindness, I have been tested for elevated blood pressure numerous times and even though the test were negative, we put me on blood presssure medication as a precaution. I was unable to tolerate the blood pressure medicine due to my chronic pancreatitis.
The vet says, almost 99% of the time, only one eye is affected, I am in the 1% catergory of having both eyes suddenly affected. Guess that is why mommy says, I am one in a million.
I truly hope for all the kitties expereincing Chronic Renal Failure and/or hyperthyrodism, they will learn from my darkness and be able to continue having sunshine in their lives always. You should be able to tolerate the blood pressure medications if you don't have liver or pancreas problems. I have both, coupled with irritable bowel syndrome...simply not an option for me. Who ever coined the phrase aging gracefully, must have been young!!! Although, I am doing my best to live up to the will take a while to get get back in the swing of things.
My family is doing all they can to support me and love me through this new journey in my life...with the hope, I can adjust and have an exceptionally wonderful quality of life again. I am starting to feel safe in my favorite room of the house, mom and dad's bedroom. There is a new gate across the door so I will not accidently venture out and fall down the stairs. I have learned to find my box, and my favorite sleeping spot. I am still not good with my kitty steps leading to my food and my mommy's bed. I usually sleep with her. Mommy and daddy have left everything the same, except added a few safety precautions, such as bumpers on the bed (making it so hard for mommy to get in/out of bed), jingle bells on Sissy's collar so I know she is there, etc. My family are now my eyes...they guide me with treats, lift me, help me, protect the point, I know my mommy is struggling with her spine as I hear the limp her step...they are doing all they can to enhance my other senses and help me make a successful transtion to a non-sighted world. I must admit, I so miss seeing everyone's face' Granny and Papa check on me regularly while mommy and daddy are working.
Mommy and I made pact many years ago and she has let me know she will always honor her word. She has promised me anytime my quality of life diminishes to the point I am no longer happy, she will help me peacefully to the bridge. Each time I have a flare of my other aliments, I have sucessfully recovered (with the help of the power of the paw), sometimes more quickly than others. If I do adjust to this new challenge and am happy....I will remain with them...if not...I will go to the bridge knowing how loved I am. I will let mommy know when it is time to go.....
I am humbled and overwhelmed by the response from all my wonderful Catster and Dogster Friends. I never dreamed in a million years when joining this webiste more than two years ago...I would inherit such a wonderfully loving family. Each of you has been more caring and supportive than our friends who live here is truly amazing and there are no words to ever let you know how much we appreciate all the pmails, words of encouragement, love, gifts, rosies, prayers, purrs, woofs, resources, information, cards, phone calls, pictures.....our hearts are overflowing with loving support and gratitude for each of you. They say TRUE friends are there during the most difficult times...and each of you has truly proven what TRUE friends you are....thank you is simply not enough and yet, there are no other words to express what our hearts feel.
Mommy so wishes she could thank each of you personally; however, there is no way she can physcially do that. The responses have come in such great numbers...she simply does not have the physical ability to do all she is doing and personally answer each pmail and thank each of you invidually for all you have done and given to us....nice thing is, she knows she is accepted as she is and that it is okay not to do that. Thank you for always allowing us to be who we are and loving us as is.
In closing, please really read the words to this song...You raise me up...

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be. "

Our hearts are forever connected by paws!
With love and appreciation,

Jazzi and family


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Jazzi, Sunshine Angel^PAWS^


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