April 8th 2009 11:14 am
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Dear Vacuum Monster,
I don't like you. You are loud and obnoxious. You kind of smell funny, too. You are too hungry and your food of choice seems to be cat hair, dog hair, and kitty toys. Not cool.
What's your fascination with kitty hair, anyways? And what about my felt ball? It wasn't enough to eat it, you had to incinerate it, too?
This past weekend your behavior completely crossed the line. In a matter of five minutes, your awful hose mouth sucked up THREE of my perfectly good mousies! I had them hidden for a reason! Stay out of my secret hidey spots (ha-ha, I have some you don't know about!)!
Saturday's Mousie Massacre was completely unprovoked and only further illustrates your obvious sociopathic nature. Your criminal behavior and lack of empathy and remorse truly indicate a serious personality disorder on your part.
This is a final warning. I'm serious, vacuum monster. No more trouble from you! Don't forget my cord chewing skills. In a matter of moments I could bring you down forever.
No purrs for you,
Lucy
P.S. On behalf of my doggie sister Sophie, keep your stinking hose mouth out of her doggie den, too!
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