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Misadventures in the Life of a Carpet Destructing Dynamo

Secret Cuddles

While my mommy was napping on the couch this morning, I snuck up by her head and crawled under the covers to snuggle next to her. I love her, and I know she likes it when I cuddle cause I'm usually so reserved.
I also didn't want Loki to see me. He's a brat, always jumping out at me from behind stuff. He picks on me cause he knows I don't have front claws!! So not fair. :((

Plaster and Pain

Every time the humans (and especially my mom, she has an adversion to letting me climb wherever I want. I don't understand it!) catch me even NEAR the tantalizing hole in the bathroom wall, they make that annoying "bad cat" hissing noise at me and close the bathroom door. How dare they try and keep me from my desire!! I decided that they, being just simple humans and no match for the wit of a feline such as myself, would be taught a lesson. I set out to get into that hole and find whatever treats were hidden there.
Luckily, the other day, my chance at glory arrived! The humans had let some strange man in the house. As I was investigating this interloper, he climbed up on one of those tall-metal things that humans use to be able to reach things over thier heads (why they don't just climb is beyond me.) and began to investigate the hole. My attention was piqued. Was he going to take the treasure that must surely be hidden within? I waited.
Then, this...this...NON-CAT-PERSON began covering up MY hole! I tried to climb the metal thing only to be shooed away by my mom. (She's a good mom, but she interferes in cat-business too much.) Didn't she understand that the Evil Hole Filler (EHF) was trespassing onto sacred cat-space?!
As the EHF and my mom, along with my aunt, became engrossed in thier dreaded attempts to block me from access to the treats I was sure were in the wall, I slunk upstairs. Not to pout, mind you, but to devise another plan of attack. I was seriously considering shredding the EHF's leg, and maybe peeing on his ugly clumpy shoes, when my cousin Flipper had a great idea. She suggested that I climb into the wall and be as quiet as possible. She said that this would teach the humans, especially my mom and the EHF, that I was not to be trifled with. Flipper is pretty smart sometimes, even if she does look like she was dragged through a burning bush backwards. (I prefer sleek orange fur, myself. No accounting for taste, I guess.) Flipper even opened the door for me, and I stealthily crept into the hole and began my long-delayed hunt for the treasure.
When I heard the EHF come into the bathroom, I hunkered down and was as quiet as...well...as a cat. I watched with slitted eyes as he began banging on the wall. The noise hurt my sensitive ears, so I crept away to a more secluded location.
Man, this place was great! There were lots of wood-things to sharpen my claws on, plenty of dust-bunnies to seek and destroy, and I soon became preoccupied with the HUNT. After a while, though, I began to suspect that perhaps there WAS no treasure. I sneezed my way through a few piles of dust, back to the bathroom hole.
There was no hole.
Now, of course, being the feline divinity that I am, I did not immediately panic. My mom would surely realize that I was gone, wouldn't she? She'd get me out, and I would act properly grateful (for a few minutes) even perhaps allow her to snuggle me (which I enjoy, just as long as no one is watching). I sat down to wait.
After what seemed an eternity, I became slightly concerned. Mustering up my innate Mighty Feline genetic memory, I let loose a caterwaul sure to bring the household running to rescue me.
Mrrrraaauuuuuu!
Hm. No one. Perhaps louder.
MrrrrAAUUUUU!
Where is everyone? Mom? Aunt Amber? Flipper?
Flipper! That sneaky little...
MRRRAAAUUUU-OOWW!
WHY wasn't anyone coming to get me? I continued to wail, and I must admit, I began to sound more like a kitten than the ferocious predator that I am.
Well, I was worried, ok? The humans are my source of FOOD for Cats' Sake!
When my continued wails had no effect, I curled up pitifully and began to doze...

SLAM!
I immediately let loose with a little question...
Mrrauu?
I heard my mom's voice! She was opening the kitchen cupboard below! Wait, no, mom, I'm up here!
MRRAAUU!
Cupboard slam. Steps. Closer. She calls my name.
MRRAAUU! MRRAAUU-OWW!
She screams for my aunt. Finally- rescue!
My brave aunt Amber hammered a hole in the wall and my mom crouched outside the hole calling my name. When I made my way out of the hole, she cuddled me and stroked me and told me everything was alright. I let her. After all, no one was watching.

Now, would you believe that after ALL this, my aunt had the EHF come BACK to fix my rescue-hole?! Stupid man stomped upstairs, complaining all the way about curiosity and cats.

I peed on his shoes.