What's up with water?

So,

As luck would have it I was looking in the goldfish pond a little too closely last week and I fell in. As anyone who has ever held me over any amount of water knows, I am an absolute nightmare when A) I am wet, or B) I am ABOUT to get wet.

As I was slipping and sliding along the rock features as I tried to get out of the pond, I started wondering "what's up with water?' My little cat brain has always thought of water as something of a paradox. I'm more than happy to drink water wherever I see it -- a bowl (toilets included), a shower, or a pond. However, I'm absolutely appauled when it touches my fur...unless of course, I'm licking myself. In fact, I'm even cool with water if it comes from some other kitty's tounge, but if it comes from a hoze or a water gun pointed at my rear, I run in fear. So what gives? Any other kitties out there experiencing this issue? How do you deal with accidentally stepping in your water bowl? I personally usually run away and then lick my paw, but that hardly makes any sense. If I were smart, I'd just rub my paw on a paper towl...except, no don't get me started on paper towels!

Pinot D. Cat

King of the (cat) Jungle (gym)

Dear Diary,

So my grandparents (Mo's parents) recently got me and Momo an enormous cat jungle gym. A little background on this gift: I had asked for this for Christmas in 2007, and went I initially sat (and later peed) on Santa's lap he said I would receive it if I was good for 48 hours!

That would be so easy I thought, 48 hours, 2 days. I could do that in my sleep. In fact, that was my plan. For the next few days I did my best to sleep as much as possible, knowing very well that I am a perfect angel when asleep. After about 3 days of sleeping 20+ hours a day, I awoke...a little bit groggy.

I had slept through Christmas and the day was 12/26! I looked for Mojo but couldn't find him...I assumed he was outside playing with my present. Well, he was outside, but my present wasn't! He was just on a chair, sunning himself.

I looked for my parents and they gave me a greenie and said "Merry Christmas". I held out my paw, demanding that my enormous cat jungle gym immediately be handed over, but my dad just grabbed my hand and shook it. Clearly they didn't know that I meant business. I peed under the tree and on the couch. Take that!

For the next 18 months I tried in vain to communicate that I was owed an enormous cat jungle gym; I tried everything I could think of -- I peed on the chair; I peed on the bed; I peed in the tub; I even peed in the kitty litter. None of it worked.

Then one day I was explaining this all to my cousin Mai Tai, who is much smarter than my brother Mujumbo. She said that maybe Santa meant "48 waking hours". That made sense; that Santa is one sneaky Santa.

So a few days ago I completed my sentence of 48 consecutive good waking cat hours and was rewarded with this skyscraper of a cat house. it was totally awesome. I immediately claimed the penthouse as my own and told Mr. Mojito that he could be my doorman. So I've been living it up in my kitty condo for a few days now and life is good. I think I'm gonna fire Mo though b/c he sleeps on the job all the time, and most of the time, he's nowhere near the door he's supposed to be opening for residents.

love,

Pinot, King of the (cat) Jungle (gym)

Kitty Tracker

So,

This morning I was just lounging about, waking my morning cat nap when I was suddenly grabbed, stuffed in my cat carrier and rushes to the vet. I immediately knew I was going to the vet because that's the only place I ever go. I used to get lured into my cat carrier with a handful of greenies, but now, they just sneak up on me and toss me in. I don't like being catnapped!

So I go to the vet, and I am assuming I'm here for my routine physical, you know...poop in a bag, sit on a scale, get my butt's temperature taken. But today they took me in a special room with two people wearing masks! They told me that my secret cat identity would no longer be a secret and that they were putting something called a "kitty tracker" inside of me. I was like, "meow do you mean, inside of moi..eow?" Then they gave me some medicine that put me into cute little kitty sleep and I woke up with a little bandage on me.

I asked my mom what happened and she said I was implanted with a little chip that tells me where I live. I was like "Um, I live on Wahoo drive in one of 12 yellow houses on the street. If I get lost, I'll just keep scratching on doors till someone lets me in."

Apparently my mom only heard "meow", because she gave me a little pet and asked if I wanted a greenie. I'd have preferred a little explanation of what happened, but greenies make everything better.

love, Pinot

big mistake!

Hola amigos - So, my orginial parents were in town the last couple weeks for the "wedding" thing. It was chaos! Everyone running around, stressed, wrapping little ribbons on things and whatnot. Actually, I offered to help with the ribbons but no one took me seriously for some reason. Yeah, I know, it was weird. Anyways, after the whole shebang was overwith, I saw my new parents getting the cat carrier out of the closet. And I was like, "Whoa! the moment I've been waiting for! Now that I can be a legitimate cat, my parents are taking me back to Virginia where I belong!" After all, Florida is fine and everything, the weather is great, but my true calling is my former career as a curator of cat memorabilia at the smithsonian national museum of cat history. Everyone knows that. I'm famous for it. Anyways, I was ready to hop right into that carrier, be shoved under an airplane seat for 2+ hours, and hit up some bars in Adams Morgan. As I was dusting off my conservative three-piece suits, bowties, and rainboots, I glanced over at the cat carrier again (so ensure all my luggage could be accomodated) and realized something - it was not my carrier! It was some lousy tiny carrier. I was like, come on moms, I know I lost some weight -- but a little extra space is always nice! She just petted me and walked away. Hmmph.

Well the story gets worse unfortunately - what happened on the day my parents left? They accidentally took the WRONG CAT!!!! Can you believe it??? I mean, how dumb are they! All I can imagine is that they got confused by the carrier to cat size ratio and thought since mai tai fit in there perfectly, she must have been me. I know, so idiotic! But what do I expect really? This is so typical. I'm sure they will realize their mistake soon - as soon as they sleep through the night a few times without being awakened by extremely loud bossy meows, they will know they got the wrong cat. Mai Tai NEVER does stuff like that. As far as I know......

Stay tuned!
Pinot the frustrated cat

Cat elections

How comes cat can't vote? I really want to vote, cause I'm a cat and I don't feel my needs are being met by the current administration. First of all, ...okay, well that's all I got. But I feel like I should be allowed to vote.

Pinot

Other cats' diaries

So I was bored and just wandering around catspace today...that's what we cats called catster. Also, sometimes we call it facecat or catbook, both are perfectly acceptable.

So I was looking at the diary of the day and it was really crappy - it was just a dog saying he wasn't a cat but that he was bored. No kidding you're bored, you're a dog. You're boring and you're smelly and I didn't know you could type.

But the diary wasn't even the worst part of the page.
(http://www.catster.com/cats/861714) This cat has a crazy moving background that almost gave me a little kitty seisure...and he's got lots of other crap on his page, like him sociallizing with dogs.

I didn't know catster was setting the bar so low these days...I'm just really disaapointed with catbook.

love,

Pinot

p.s. Pinot is ... really tired of catster.

new snack

Hey Pinot fans! What's up? I'm doing good, thanks for asking. Today I felt compelled to logon to catster and put my paws on the keyboard to tell you about a delicious new snacky snack I recently discovered. By now you all are well aware of my greenie obsession. And I admit, they are green and crunchy and superyummy and I will tear apart one of those shiny packages any day with my little teeth. But get this, I discovered a snack-toy combination .... it's called a "lizard." It's super fun! My parents keep them out in the backyard instead of the pantry, but otherwise they are pretty similar to greenies. Everytime I am bored/hungry, I just run outside and pounce on one. Then I carry it inside to show off to Mo and Mai Tai, who aren't nearly as good at catching them as me. I'm a good hunter!

Each lizard is like 2 snacks actually -first I eat the tail. Then I play with the rest of him. Sometimes, my parents take my snack away before I can finish it - but its all part of the game! Then I run outside and pounce on another. Yummmm.

Well I hope Mo and Mai Tai aren't inspired by this diary to go and try to catch some themselves -- I want all those little snacks to myself!

See ya--
Pinot the Lizard Hunter

Wedding Invitation Cat

Dear Diary,

You'll never guess what arrived in the mail for me today, a package! It was the best ever. My parents unwrapped it for me and showed me these wedding invitation thingies, but I was more interested in the box.

I immediately flipped the box over and made a fort out of it. No Mai Tais or Mojitos allowed! I forgot to cut an air hole in my fort though and so I had to stop playing when it got hard to breathe. Then I played the Meerkat game, which is basically me sitting on top of the box moving my head left and right searching for predators. I only spotted two sleeping kitties and a dog for the first 30 minutes, then I spotted what I thought was a piece of cheese on the floor and went to investigate. I was like "free cheese! awesome!" Turned out it was just a bit of paper, but I ate it anyway.

I didn't feel so good after that and fell asleep. When I woke up, my parents told me I had a job to do. I was like "um, being a cat is my job" and I walked away. It was about 2 p.m., time for my hourly cleaning, so I started licking myself, closing my eyes, just having a good little cleaning in general. Then, out of nowhere, I licked something that wasn't fur! And it tasted like glue! Gross!

My mom had stuck a wedding invitation envelope flap between my tongue and my fur. She gave my head a good little pet and said, "Okay, Pinot, only 124 more." So for the next 4 hours, every time I would close my eyes and resume licking myself she'd stick a wedding envelope in there!

I felt really used, but I was later told it was the only time I had ever made any sort of contribution to the household, so I felt a little bit better...but still a little bit bitter!

love,

Pinot G., the wedding invitation cat!

p.s. Remind me to hide when thank you notes go out!

Hurricanes

Dear diary,

Today I want to purr a little bit about hurricanes. I had a little bit of hurricane experience in Virginia, or so I thought. On occassion, my parents would make hurricanes, which are delicious drinks, basically they taste like sweet little ground up greenies! Sometimes when they wouldn't finish them, I would steal a few little cat licks! After that I usually fell asleep :-)

So when my Florida parents told me we were gonna have a hurricane last week, I was excited! I told Mojito all about them and he didn't believe me. Instead he just went to his food dish and shoveled food into his mouth, making a mess everywhere. So the hurricane finally arrived and my parents didn't seem at all excited about their deliciousness! In fact they seemed oddly preoccupied with the weather!

So the day they said the hurricane was to arrive, there was nothing but rain, some bread, and a random gallon of water. I told my parents that is not how hurricanes are made, but they said "Don't be scared, Pinot, everything will be alright."

I gave them a 'what are you talking about!' look and then they put me in the litterbox and said, "Don't pee on the couch!"

I was like 'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! WHERE'S MY DRINKY DRINK' and they closed the door on me. So I'm stuck in the smelly bathroom with nothing to do and no delicious drink, so I'm writing in my diary.

purrrrrrr.

Pinot

mysterious door

Hey pinot fans! I know you are still super relieved that I'm not moving to kentucky, huh? well snap out of it! We have important things to talk about. We can't all just hang around being happy about my staying in Florida and not paying attention to all the interesting things going on in my life. Sooooo.....

Something weird happened to my outdoor access place, which my humans refer to as "door." So now it has a weird extra panel in it, through which I've been shoved several times. I have been quite confused by this new development. My parents have been calling it a "cat door" but that doesn't really seem to make sense since its not furry, cute, lazy, and does not say "meow." Maybe I'm misunderstanding the name of it? Well I'll let you know. In any case, that is not the most important thing to focus on here, people. I've been shoved through this thing! It's so humiliating! Don't they understand that I need to scratch scratch scratch, then they open the door? Thats how this system works. I don't really see any reason to change it now. It was working just fine. Now I scratch scratch scratch, and they shove me through the flap. Can someone explain to me how this is supposed to be an improvement? Frankly, I preferred this "cat door" when it was living in a cardboard box in the entryway, it was quite comfortable to sit on. Sigh. No one ever consults me on these things. if they had asked, I would have pointed them to the automatic remote convenience keyless entry system available as an option on the mini cooper, which could have easily been adapted to a cat door whereby an electronic sensor attached to my collar would automatically open the back door for me when I got within 5 feet of it. Now that's smart.

Love,
pinot grigio (the cat)