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You're the One For Me, Catty

Where's the furniture?

My human is up to her tricks again. The furniture has disappeared, including all of the things I like to sleep on. Where are all the chairs? Where's my favorite rug? My human talks about "moving the hardest thing last" constantly as things around me keep disappearing. She put a towel and the funny looking duffel bag on the floor a couple of days ago and said something like, "Nothing happening here. Nothing to worry about." I recognize that duffel bag from somewhere... At least I have a towel to sit on, since everything soft is gone.

I'll never tell

My human came home two nights ago and found me outside the front door. She had been gone for 14 hours, and I was really hungry. She can't figure out, though, why I was outside. I have my own cat sized door on the back door, but she locked it because she didn't want me to go outside. She inspected my door and saw that the lock latch wasn't completely engaged, but she pushed on the door and it wouldn't open. Did I get outside through that door?

She swears that she didn't let me outside when she left in the morning, but she knows I'm quick and sneaky. She did have to carry a bunch of different things out the door that morning. Did I get outside that way?

None of the windows were open, except for one window that was cracked open a few inches. That window has a screen and leads to a twenty foot drop, anyway. Did I get outside through that window?

I'll never tell.

Who is this bloke?

A cat that takes the bus? I prefer to stay away from moving vehicles, thank you.