Ringworm Nola: Part Deux

Ahoy me mateys!

It be a right long time since we last spoke. Cap'n Jack apologizes fur the great delay.. Ye see me daft woman says she be way too busy to browse the Catster. But what did me wee eye spy her doin' this very eve? Watchin' Dancin' with the Stars on abc.com! Ye dastardly woman! We be boycottin' that show until they allow contestants o' tha feline persuasion to participate! To tha brig with ye! *mumble grumble* Tha mighty Cap'n Jack dances the best darned paso doble this side o' the Mississippi.. do tha foul producers o' that show be callin' me?! NO!

So now that me daft woman be sufficiently reprimanded.. it be time to continue me swashbucklin' tale of "Ringworm Nola." Me fans ha've been clamoring for the endin' to this fantastic story. An now, tha wait be o'er me fine mateys!

Previously on "Ringworm Nola."

After recovering from pneumonia, Nola's nuttiness disrupts the household. Nola sprouts ringworm after being weaned off her medicine. All of the Neverland clan fall victim to the evil ringworm. It is up to the mighty Captain Jack to save the day.


And now the long awaited conclusion to "Ringworm Nola."



"Ringworm Nola!" I cried, "This ship be not big enough fur the both o' us!"

Ringworm Nola giggled. "Oh Cap'n Jack, I love playin with you!" An with that, she made a mad dash fur me face!


AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!

*smackety smack*

Tha e'il Ringworm Nola whapped me in me head! Obviously, fearin' fur her life, Nola ran up me crow's nest. "Oh ye silly lil girl, tha Crow's Nest be my domain!" Tha mighty Cap'n Jack attacks!

Round an around the crow's nest we went. Up an down, round an around, until I see tha dizziness in Ringworm Nola's eyes. Har Har! Me plan be workin!

Ringworm Nola flops off me crow's nest and lands in a corner. "I've got ye now ye tiny scoundrel!" Ringworm Nola just rolls her eyes. "Argh ye foul villian! Ye think tha mighty Cap'n Jack be a joke?!"

"For villians such as ye, Ringworm Nola, tha mighty Cap'n Jack must use his mostly deadliest o' weapons!"


Then I raise me eyepatch.

"Booga booga!!!"

Nola screams in horror and runs fur her room! Oh aye, the horror of me creepy lil eye! Har har! No one be safe from it's wee lil creepiness!

"Job well done, Cap'n Jack!" Jenny says as she locks Ringworm Nola inta tha brig. "Ta use one o' yer words Jenny.. DUH!" I say. "Har Har Har" we both laugh in unison.

epilogue

Tha foul beast be forced ta stay in tha brig until her e'il spirits be exorcised. I ne'er understood why she be needing tha excorcise.. that Nola be a right beanpole o' a girl. Now Nola be fine an de-ringwormed. She still be terrorizin' the Ne'erland clan. Argh, but they always be buggin' me an I got me booty of catnip an Feline Greenies, so I let her beat the holy begeezus outta them. Makes me laugh.

Aye an fear not me fine mateys, tha mighty Cap'n Jack has skin far superior to any other feline. No ringworm befell me tough hide!

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack

fear me eye! fear it!

Ringworm Nola

Ahoy me mateys,

Cap'n Jack here ta share with ye another tale o' swashbucklin adventure.
Today's tale be called ...

"RINGWORM NOLA"

Tha moment wee Nola blew inta town, I knew she be trouble. She be gettin' all attention that shoulda been for tha mighty Cap'n Jack. Sure at first she was cute and cuddly and oh so sad with her poor breathin' an all. An then the foul spirits tha humans be givin' her made her feel fine.

She be runnin me decks tearin' down me sails an such. Bitin' an attackin' anything that moved. An then tha humans started ta wean wee Nola off tha foul spirits. An at that moment, "Ringworm Nola" was born.

da da da daaaaaa....

Tha foul spirits musta helped contain the ringworm because thar be no sign o' it before .. an now she be off the meds, she be sproutin' tha ringworm EVERYWHERE! But does this stop her reign o' terror?? OH NO!

Tha evil Ringworm Nola be swipin' at e'eryone with her tiny daggers o' death. E'ery scratch infested with ringworm.

Tha fair Peter be first on her list..

With a one-two punch, poor Peter lost tha hair on his lip. Ringworm Nola just laughed an went on..

Mouse an then Tinkerbell fell under Ringworm Nola's e'il embrace.

The Ne'erland scallywags be callin' on tha mighty Cap'n Jack fur help. "Please help us dear Cap'n," they whined, "Ringworm Nola is beating us up. And not only that, all this ringworm is giving us the heebie jeebies!"

"The heebie jeebies be naught ta mess with," I tell 'em. "I shall take on yer quest! Me fee be one bag o' feline greenies wit a side o' catnip."

An so one ta ne'er back down from a fight, yer mighty Cap'n Jack approached the foul beast. "Ringworm Nola!" I cried, "This ship be not big enough fur the both o' us!"

Ringworm Nola giggled. "Oh Cap'n Jack, I love playin with you!" An with that, she made a mad dash fur me face!


AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!


........................To Be Continued...........................


Can tha mighty Cap'n Jack beat the foul Ringworm?!


Tune in next time for the conclusion to "Ringworm Nola" !

snubbed!

*mumble* *grumble*

eh ahoy mateys..

Cap'n Jack be in a right foul mood this eve. In me pre'ious entry, I told ye o' me swashbucklin adventure on me crow's nest. Those e'il Ne'erland scallywags be tryin ta steal me place at the top o' the livin' room. They created quite the disaster, topplin me crow's nest an "nearly takin' out tha DVD player" .. whate'er that means.

They be terrible scallywags.. ne'er listenin' ta tha Cap'n when I be tellin' 'em , "swab tha decks!" "hoist tha sails!" "open tha lid ta tha cat food!" Okay, they DO listen when I tell 'em ta open tha cat food.. still, they be mighty disobedient on tha whole.

And now..

ta me mortification..

ta me utter humilation...

THOSE NE'ERLAND SCALLYWAGS BE FINALISTS IN THE WORLD'S COOLEST CAT CONTEST!!!

ARGH!!!!! What a disgrace!!!!!!

Until next time,
Meow!
Cap'n Jack

*practicin' me poses fur next year*


Oh an one more thing.....


THAR BE NO COOLER CAT THAN THA MIGHTY CAP'N JACK!!!!!!




***Editor's Note: See Naughtiest Cat entry Wendy Darling

Crow's Nest

Ahoy mateys!

Cap'n Jack has another harrowin' tale ta share with ye. An it all started very innocent-like.

Ye see one day last week, me daft woman comes in carryin' a box filled with sweet-smellin' carpeted bits. She proceeds ta put these bits end o'er end until thar's a magnificent CROW's NEST in tha middle o' me livin' room! Ah 'tis a wonderful thing. I be startin' ta think me daft woman has a head on those shoulders. But then she says, "It's ta make ye feel like a REAL pirate!"

ARGH Dangit ye foul woman! Ye went an ruined a touchin' moment. I was gonna kiss ye an e'erythin' for bringin home such wonderful treasure. But ye gotta insult me! I BE a REAL pirate! Argh I get no respect I tell ye.

So continuin' with me harrowin' tale.. I be enjoyin tha top spot on me crow's nest. Tis a great gift. I can see fur miles. But.... I can't be seein behind me. Suddenly thar's a claw in me backside! I turn ta see an e'il Ne'erland scallywag hangin' from me crow's nest, tryin' ta rip off me tail! I gi'e her the mighty paw o' death an she falls ta the ground.

But to me surprise, thar be 3 more Ne'erland scallywags ta take her place. They be o'errunnin' me crow's nest. I gi'e 'em swipe after swipe with me mighty claw o' death, but they still keep comin'. And then......

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


ME CROW'S NEST PLUMMETS TA THE GROUND!!!

Oh great davy jones' locker! What ta do!? To me shock AND horror, me daft woman races ta me aid. She plucks me from tha devasted crow's nest and says, "I'll fix tha crow's nest, ye go chase down those Neverland scallywags!"

A great battle ensued, but o'course yer mighty Cap'n Jack prevailed. Me treasure be safe AND secure. Me daft woman reinforced me crow's nest. Thank thee hea'ens, Cap'n Jack likes ta stay well abo'e tha ground!

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack

That large head looks ta be a fine landin' spot....

3.24

Ahoy me mateys,

I be browsin' me Catster page an me daft woman says, "Hey Jack, ye been corralled 25 times!"

Oh ye daft woman! No one corrals the Mighty Cap'n Jack! I be faster than a speedin' cannonball, more powerful than an eight-legged seamonster, able ta leap tall furniture in a single bou...

"OK Jack! Sheesh! I just meant 25 Catster users actually LIKE you." *mumble... unbelievable if ye ask me.. mumble*

EH?? I'll ignore yer foul mumblin' fur the moment woman.. WOW 25 Catsters like me? Ye really like me? I clicked me corral link.. Here are yer 25 Catster corrallers and their 81 cats! Holy smokes 81 cats! That's 3.24 cats per human! Fantastic! World domination be near upon us!

Now be the time fur Cap'n Jack ta be lettin' ye in on a lil known secret... thar be EIGHTEEN cats in me family! I told ye me woman be daft!! She be too tired after takin care o' all these freeloaders to e'en update me Cap'n's Log, let alone be havin' a Catster page fur all them scallywags. Seriously, tha food be for ME, not some semi-feral strays wanderin' in looking fur free grub!!

Cap'n Jack works fur a livin! Treasure sure won't pillage itself!

Anyway, thank ye fur corrallin' tha Mighty Cap'n Jack!

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack

P.S. See the newest freeloader in me family, her name be Nola Granola.

Well shi'er me timbers an blow me down!

Ahoy me mateys!

It's been two whole months since me last Cap'n's Log! Quite unbelievable fur such n attention-star'ed cap'n.

I been a wee bit busy seein' as how I hadta take part in all tha festivities last week. Ye see, Cap'n Jack has his very own national holiday. It be called Talk Like a Pirate Day. I hadta cut a ribbon at the Pirate's Hall o' Infamy, take part in the 2006 Walk fur Treasure an I e'en had a photo-op with tha president.

Cap'n Jack had some trouble understandin' his broken English, but tha president seemed ta be really excited ta meet a genuine pirate. He kept tryin' ta get me ta call him "Commander." Uh HELLO? I be the mighty Cap'n Jack! I be callin' no one commander! To tha brig with ye, ye scallywag!

Until next time,
Meow!
Cap'n Jack

Hackin n yackin so tha eFF Bee Eye can't find me trail.

Captain Jack is Back?

Ahoy Me Mateys!

How ye be? Been ages since me last log entry. Tis been a busy time for me daft woman, meanin' I don't get me necessary Catster time.

Anyway let me tell ye a tale of me swashbucklin' adventures. A few weeks ago, me an me daft woman be watchin' the ol squawk box. I be restin' me eye for a wee moment when all o' the sudden I hear some nutty human from tha tv shout, "Captain Jack is Back!"

HUH? Whar did I go? And EXACTLY how long was I asleep?!?

Apparently, me daft woman called out tha national guard while I was missin (asleep?) All I be hearin on tha tv is Cap'n Jack is Back! I be hearin it for weeks now. Tis good ta know America loves me an all an can't get enough o' me miraculous return. I just wish I knew whar I've been!


Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack
9-10..
Ne'er Sleepin Again!

It's Kitten Season

Ahoy me mateys!

It be kitten season again. Animal shelters across tha country are fillin' up with tha wee lil ones. They need lots o' help. Me daft woman be plannin' a Kitten Shower at tha orphanage whar I grew up. "A KITTEN Shower?! Are ye daft?? Felines don't like water ye silly woman! That's just mean!"

"Oh Jack," she says, "not that kind o' shower. At this shower, people bring gifts for the wee ones!"

"OH! How fantastic! Can ye tell 'em I want that new diamond-encrusted eyepatch I saw in the latest PQ*? and a new Parrot? (YUM!)"

Well she just shakes her daft head at me. The mighty Cap'n Jack won't be standin' for this dismissive stuff much longer. Anyway, me thinks the kitten shower idea be a sound one. The wee ones sure could use some goodies. Me daft woman e'en registered tha orphanage at walmart.com! Ye can see tha kitten wishlist here.

So if ye live near Mount Vernon OH, please stop by fur the Kitten Shower on Sat. June 24th, 1-4 pm. Or ye know, just send 'em somethin' nice.

Knox County Humane Society
400 Columbus Rd
Mount Vernon OH 43050

And if not, consider donatin' somethin' special to tha wee ones in yer area. The wee ones and their human caretakers will thank ye fur it!

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack
I'm just a 9 lb kitten!

*Pirate's Quarterly

P.S. Me brother Alex be feelin' better. Read his diary entry from today. Daft humans don't know what they be talkin' about.

Argh Evil be Upon Us!

Ahoy me mateys!

It be tha day o' the beast. 6-6-6 !!! EEEK!!! ..I mean ARGH!! Thar be monsters in tha sea. I am sure they be from the depths o' Hell. So to stave off tha horrors o' the deep an save me ship from sinkin', I thought I should be doin' a good deed on this unholiest o' days.

So I be thinkin', "Argh, what would the Mighty Cap'n Jack do ta combat evil?"

An then I be thinkin', "Argh, why do I think in tha third person? How weird."

An then I be thinkin', "Whar be that danged daft woman? Tha Mighty Cap'n Jack be full o' hunger! Thar I go again, thinkin' in tha third person. I wonder if I should be seein' a shrink about that. I might be know as Mad Cap'n Jack, not the Mighty Cap'n Jack. I wouldn't e'en know if I was loony cuz loony scallywags don't e'en be knowing they be loony... Argh, I'm hungry! Whar be that daft woman?!"

And so I kinda forgot about me good deed. So I be thinkin' again, "SELF, what would I do to combat e'il?" Self replied, "Well Mighty Cap'n Jack, you tend to be lazy an a bit o' a blowhard. Why don't ye help make some cats on Catster smile?" "Excellent idea!" I say to meself, "I'll give 5 paws up to 666 cats on Catster."

So that's me tale for the day. Oh.. well I may notta made it quite to 666... more like 47.. I think I got tha Carpy Tunnel. But it be tha thought that counts, right?

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack

Poor Alex

Ahoy me mateys,

Cap'n Jack be a woeful pirate this e'enin.' Me canine pal Alex be knock, knock, knockin on hea'ens door. He has a dreadfully big baseball size tumor in his belly. Jenny be terribly sad. I keep tellin' her.. "Alex always plays with tha baseballs, are ye sure yer just not missin' one?" But she just shakes her head. Hrmf. Well I'll forgi'e her this time for ignorin the mighty Cap'n Jack.

So forgi'e me fair mateys fur not bein' around so much, thar be much goin' on in tha Cap'n's house.

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack
Alex: Peace out ye ol' salty dog!

P.S. Say Ahoy! to me new fa'orite pirate-in-training: JAKE! He's jus a wee lad, but with trainin' from his big sis Mara an from tha mighty Cap'n Jack, he'll make a fine pirate one day!