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High Tide with Captain Jack

Ringworm Nola: Part Deux

Ahoy me mateys!

It be a right long time since we last spoke. Cap'n Jack apologizes fur the great delay.. Ye see me daft woman says she be way too busy to browse the Catster. But what did me wee eye spy her doin' this very eve? Watchin' Dancin' with the Stars on abc.com! Ye dastardly woman! We be boycottin' that show until they allow contestants o' tha feline persuasion to participate! To tha brig with ye! *mumble grumble* Tha mighty Cap'n Jack dances the best darned paso doble this side o' the Mississippi.. do tha foul producers o' that show be callin' me?! NO!

So now that me daft woman be sufficiently reprimanded.. it be time to continue me swashbucklin' tale of "Ringworm Nola." Me fans ha've been clamoring for the endin' to this fantastic story. An now, tha wait be o'er me fine mateys!

Previously on "Ringworm Nola."

After recovering from pneumonia, Nola's nuttiness disrupts the household. Nola sprouts ringworm after being weaned off her medicine. All of the Neverland clan fall victim to the evil ringworm. It is up to the mighty Captain Jack to save the day.


And now the long awaited conclusion to "Ringworm Nola."



"Ringworm Nola!" I cried, "This ship be not big enough fur the both o' us!"

Ringworm Nola giggled. "Oh Cap'n Jack, I love playin with you!" An with that, she made a mad dash fur me face!


AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!

*smackety smack*

Tha e'il Ringworm Nola whapped me in me head! Obviously, fearin' fur her life, Nola ran up me crow's nest. "Oh ye silly lil girl, tha Crow's Nest be my domain!" Tha mighty Cap'n Jack attacks!

Round an around the crow's nest we went. Up an down, round an around, until I see tha dizziness in Ringworm Nola's eyes. Har Har! Me plan be workin!

Ringworm Nola flops off me crow's nest and lands in a corner. "I've got ye now ye tiny scoundrel!" Ringworm Nola just rolls her eyes. "Argh ye foul villian! Ye think tha mighty Cap'n Jack be a joke?!"

"For villians such as ye, Ringworm Nola, tha mighty Cap'n Jack must use his mostly deadliest o' weapons!"


Then I raise me eyepatch.

"Booga booga!!!"

Nola screams in horror and runs fur her room! Oh aye, the horror of me creepy lil eye! Har har! No one be safe from it's wee lil creepiness!

"Job well done, Cap'n Jack!" Jenny says as she locks Ringworm Nola inta tha brig. "Ta use one o' yer words Jenny.. DUH!" I say. "Har Har Har" we both laugh in unison.

epilogue

Tha foul beast be forced ta stay in tha brig until her e'il spirits be exorcised. I ne'er understood why she be needing tha excorcise.. that Nola be a right beanpole o' a girl. Now Nola be fine an de-ringwormed. She still be terrorizin' the Ne'erland clan. Argh, but they always be buggin' me an I got me booty of catnip an Feline Greenies, so I let her beat the holy begeezus outta them. Makes me laugh.

Aye an fear not me fine mateys, tha mighty Cap'n Jack has skin far superior to any other feline. No ringworm befell me tough hide!

Until next time,
Meow!

Cap'n Jack

fear me eye! fear it!

Ringworm Nola

Ahoy me mateys,

Cap'n Jack here ta share with ye another tale o' swashbucklin adventure.
Today's tale be called ...

"RINGWORM NOLA"

Tha moment wee Nola blew inta town, I knew she be trouble. She be gettin' all attention that shoulda been for tha mighty Cap'n Jack. Sure at first she was cute and cuddly and oh so sad with her poor breathin' an all. An then the foul spirits tha humans be givin' her made her feel fine.

She be runnin me decks tearin' down me sails an such. Bitin' an attackin' anything that moved. An then tha humans started ta wean wee Nola off tha foul spirits. An at that moment, "Ringworm Nola" was born.

da da da daaaaaa....

Tha foul spirits musta helped contain the ringworm because thar be no sign o' it before .. an now she be off the meds, she be sproutin' tha ringworm EVERYWHERE! But does this stop her reign o' terror?? OH NO!

Tha evil Ringworm Nola be swipin' at e'eryone with her tiny daggers o' death. E'ery scratch infested with ringworm.

Tha fair Peter be first on her list..

With a one-two punch, poor Peter lost tha hair on his lip. Ringworm Nola just laughed an went on..

Mouse an then Tinkerbell fell under Ringworm Nola's e'il embrace.

The Ne'erland scallywags be callin' on tha mighty Cap'n Jack fur help. "Please help us dear Cap'n," they whined, "Ringworm Nola is beating us up. And not only that, all this ringworm is giving us the heebie jeebies!"

"The heebie jeebies be naught ta mess with," I tell 'em. "I shall take on yer quest! Me fee be one bag o' feline greenies wit a side o' catnip."

An so one ta ne'er back down from a fight, yer mighty Cap'n Jack approached the foul beast. "Ringworm Nola!" I cried, "This ship be not big enough fur the both o' us!"

Ringworm Nola giggled. "Oh Cap'n Jack, I love playin with you!" An with that, she made a mad dash fur me face!


AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!


........................To Be Continued...........................


Can tha mighty Cap'n Jack beat the foul Ringworm?!


Tune in next time for the conclusion to "Ringworm Nola" !

snubbed!

*mumble* *grumble*

eh ahoy mateys..

Cap'n Jack be in a right foul mood this eve. In me pre'ious entry, I told ye o' me swashbucklin adventure on me crow's nest. Those e'il Ne'erland scallywags be tryin ta steal me place at the top o' the livin' room. They created quite the disaster, topplin me crow's nest an "nearly takin' out tha DVD player" .. whate'er that means.

They be terrible scallywags.. ne'er listenin' ta tha Cap'n when I be tellin' 'em , "swab tha decks!" "hoist tha sails!" "open tha lid ta tha cat food!" Okay, they DO listen when I tell 'em ta open tha cat food.. still, they be mighty disobedient on tha whole.

And now..

ta me mortification..

ta me utter humilation...

THOSE NE'ERLAND SCALLYWAGS BE FINALISTS IN THE WORLD'S COOLEST CAT CONTEST!!!

ARGH!!!!! What a disgrace!!!!!!

Until next time,
Meow!
Cap'n Jack

*practicin' me poses fur next year*


Oh an one more thing.....


THAR BE NO COOLER CAT THAN THA MIGHTY CAP'N JACK!!!!!!




***Editor's Note: See Naughtiest Cat entry Wendy Darling