May 4th 2009 2:14 pm
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It never occurred to me that it would happen again, but, today, I adopted an adorable little gray kitten named Kovu. He lost his cat parents and has a furever home with a kind family. He somehow didn't feel his life was complete, and after a serious discussion about the problems between an earth kitten with an angel mom, we decided that it would work for us. Kovu has the Catster number of 979145.
December 26th 2008 1:59 pm
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This is taken and modified from an entry of my Dogster friend, Tiffy. I thought it was so beautiful, so I applied it to me.
I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead. Because you cannot see me with your human eye, cannot feel me, with your hands or hold me in your arms. You think I am gone forever. You recall how I looked when I left this place, and you cannot remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in another place. You are racked and torn by the pain of our separation and it blinds you to that which is right in front of you ... me.
How many times since I left your immediate sight have you been told that I'm dead and you should "get over it"... How many times have you cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me because that's what people say is normal... but somehow you can't and no one seems to understand? How many times have you put yourself through such excruciating pain because you aren't willing to consider that I am not, by any means, dead.
I want you to do me a favor and go back in time with me. Remember the glorious day I came into your home- was I not the most intriguing creature you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with me? I wanted this too. Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did many things together. You were so proud of me! I was a good friend and I took care of you when you cried, were angry or felt down and unhappy.
When you didn't have a lot of time for me because of your obligations, I waited patiently for you. I was always there when you needed me. Did I not look at you with such acceptance and patience that at times you felt perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never unworthy in my eyes. I was your very best friend regardless of what you were doing, saying, thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I couldn't get enough of you. Remember the last time we saw each other with earthly eyes? You tried to be brave but I knew you were crying ... I know you so well. Better than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not look at you with such pure trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep me with you always? Did you not promise that you would love me forever? I believed you. If this is so, then why have you let me go by thinking I no longer exist? Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I looked at you with adoration, acceptance, patience, trust and love. Who created this depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the song of our laughter which was created in the name of love?
I am no longer an earthly figure, this is true. My body was only part of who I really am. My body would have been but a mere shell on earth if it were not filled to overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving light. When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty and adorable. But what kind of relationship would we have had if this is all that I'd been? How could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual substance? We are all made up of energy which resides far deep down inside of us. It is our core, our soul, spirit and loving light. It is the energy that is all of life ... it has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and always will be, and without it there is no life. You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just as you know that our love existed on earth - you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one place. But you *knew* it existed. There was no doubt in your mind.
They demand you get over me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see me again because animals don't go to Heaven. Oh really? I'm here to tell you different. You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a loving Creator simply because I wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing creation with personality? How could I have been so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit and loving light? And if this energy is and always will be, then how can it be that I am dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all of life then I was never alive to begin with. But you know better.
You cry because you miss me, this I understand. I miss you too - I miss the belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared. But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical connections. I came to this place to live a whole new life, not because I didn't love you anymore or because I wanted something better. I came here because it was time for me to go to the next phase of my existence, something all living creatures must do eventually. It is the normal progression of life. I was not taken away from you because you cannot take away that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift to be cherished and honoured just as I cherish and honour you. Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain number of years and then dying. We are blessed with time in a body so that we can learn, share and grow. It prepares us for the next phase of our eternal life. The body holds within it the true life force of our existence ...our soul, spirit and loving light.
You say that all you have left are memories. Not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body, I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting as we were always side by side in our earthly life together. I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories which tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.
I understand your tears, each one you shed is testament to your love for me, and I am honoured and humbled. But don't forget the good things we shared - remember and smile. This is an honor for me as well. When you need me I will be here . Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the world and your notions of what death is, and give me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you. Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be proud of. I am still your friend and soul mate. Don't memorialise the death of my body but instead honour and celebrate my never-ending life for it is eternal and forever as is my love for you. Until we meet again...
November 26th 2007 9:18 am
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I have permission from my friend, Frankie's mom to add her beautiful memorial to him. Frankie and I walked a simular path battling FeLV. Thank you, MacKenzie. I am so honored to add your poem to my page.
Because I loved you more
November 19th 2007 8:20 pm
You came to me so small, thin, and cool to the touch.
You tried so hard to speak but you couldn't give me much.
We went home for our first battle, of what became our war.
Some said we shouldn't try it, but I loved you more.
Day one and two were rollercoasters, trying to find out what was wrong.
We visited the doctor who said, it'd be "too hard, for him not long."
We said we try it anyway, there was life here to fight for.
And we began round two, because I loved you more.
God was on our side, and look at how you soared.
Once you moved around, you were never bored.
You caught up w/ the girls, and played and played and played.
You spread love and laughter, what a difference time had made.
You almost got adopted, when God handed us round three.
You had Feline Leukemia, to put you down or live with me?
You were happy and so healthy but people told me "do it now."
Do I want the struggle? "It's not worth it, there's no how."
I looked deep into my heart, it was you we're fighting for.
And you came home to live with me, because I loved you more.
For a month it all was wonderful- no worries and no fear.
Then suddenly you're sick and it didn't look so clear.
And we visited our doctor, he gave us what he could.
We fought and fought and fought- just to get you back to good.
You really didn't want to play, just rest quietly by me.
I assessed your every move- nothing wrong that I could see.
My crazy little Frankie was so quiet anymore.
And then a month later was final battle number four.
We went back to our doctor, he said "we'll try this one more time.
But it looks to be looks to be leukemia- Frankie might not be fine."
So he gave us his best and sent us on our way.
We went home in silence, I began to pray.
That night you climbed the cat tree- one more and one last time.
And played in your blue cubey- just like everything was fine.
The next day it was downhill and furthur more each day.
On Monday night I realized- the words I didn't want to say.
I looked into your eyes and held you all night long.
We did a lot of talking- what would be right , what will be wrong.
I looked deep into my heart- now it's me we're fighting for.
And couldn't put you through it because I loved you more.
Through all my tears I shed, there isn't one that I regret.
I would cry them all again, not one moment I'd forget.
You are imprinted in my soul, my sunshine missing in my heart.
I will remain the broken one, this time we are apart.
I held you for your last breath, held you longer after that.
And gave you one more kiss, my tiny kitty cat.
Then gave you to the angels, it was peace we're fighting for.
Now with golden wings you rest Frankie- because I loved you more.
I love you always and forever Frankity Frank the Frank Master!