We're practically lovers now.

I have friends who laugh at how much I love being with Bella. She's my ibuprofen, who takes my pains away and helps me sleep. When she lays beside me, it's impossible to get up because the coziness weighs me down like a big, thick down blanket. She's gotten so used to the attention that I lavish upon her and even seems to crave them.

It's kind of sick because I wonder if this just isn't another version of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, she didn't like the attention before but I kept "forcing" this love on her - by means of hugs, kisses and lots of petting - and, now, she craves it. I mean, she did NOT want anything to do with me on Day One and she probably started being sweet to me since I'm the one who feeds her and changes her litter, right? Am I an evil captor? My boyfriend reassures me that it's not S.S. when I didn't kidnap her or anything, haha.

Well, what I have given her is a cushy, well-fed and well-loved life away from homelessness, shelters, pounds and outside dangers. Still, I often feel like I could do better as a cat's mommy. That's right. I'm not a cat "owner". I'm her mommy :)

Ah, it tickles me tummy when she jumps on the bed and settles down against me, tucking in one paw and then the other, as she makes that gentle rustling sound that cats make when they "snuggle in". You guys know that sound. Lately, she's taken to laying in front of me so I can lavish all the attention she needs on her. One moment, my back is facing her, but she'll sometimes climb over to the front so I can pet her.

How can people not like cats? I just don't understand.

She's a completely different cat

That is, around me. Between Bella and me, there's a lot of love and she's always by my side. She's completely stopped scratching me and even puts up with all the annoying pick-ups and kisses.

My boyfriend of ten months is amazing with animals. Even those who claim to be good with cats and dogs have a hard time appealing to Bella. However, the first day they were acquainted, Bella was licking my new beau on the arm and letting him pet her. It didn't take long before she was purring and dozing off on his chest. You guys have no idea what a huge deal this is within the realm of Bella. She does not accept someone so easily. Yet, she adores my boyfriend and it touches me that he cares so much about her, too. Our neighbor's new girlfriend has been bringing her enormous dogs over to his place on a daily basis and one of them is a huge pit bull that should never be brought into a cramped apartment. When Bella was hiding under the bed and I couldn't find her, my boyfriend got panicky that she might be outside where the pit bull was and dashed out the door to find her.

When you get to know the side of her that isn't so shy and scared, you can't help but find her charming. She's so affectionate and always wants to love and be loved. I had wondered if I had gotten myself into something annoying when I was first taking care of her. Now I don't know what I'd do without her.

Love Love Love

She's really opening up to me now.

Yesterday, I was working on a paper. My desk is right next to the bed and I was typing away w/one knee on the edge of the bed.

She crept up and laid down with her back against my knee and softly purred as she rested her round little head on my lap. She would sometime roll her head back to blink contentedly into my eyes. It was love, love, love. It was like having a small child resting against me. It's always that way with her. Sometimes, I wonder if she's a small person in a fluffy cat suit.

I love to hold her marshmallow paws and gently press the soft pads. She used to snatch away when I did that but now she just ignores me when I do it.

Earlier today, she sat upright on the bed to stare into my face. So I leaned over to kiss her on the forehead and she sat perfectly still. I think she knows how much I adore her.

I know I haven't been here for a while

Truth be told, I felt a bit silly writing in a pet-journal.

Lately, I've realized though. I'm probably not going to find anyone nearly as excited about the progress I've made with Bennie as a fellow cat-lover might.

Truth be told, not many people like Bennie. When she's not ignoring people, she acts paranoid about their presence. When people get too close, she's likely to hiss and scratch.

The thing is, though, before she was left in my arms, last year, she pretty much led a life of solitude. I can't say she was neglected just because that'd be betraying a good friend who trusted me enough to leave Bennie with me, plus my friend did give Bennie as much love as she could, I'm sure. Being a full-time student while trying to make ends meet is terribly time-consuming, after all.

So, Bennie spent most of her life hiding from people and being by herself, until she was thrust into my home.

It took her a month to get used to being here. She hardly came out from under the bed and would not come near me. Even when she started showing more of herself around the apartment, she was most likely to be found under the bed anytime there were visitors.

I let her take her sweet time getting used to me. During that first month, we did our best to maintain our distance, while I kept her fed and comfortable. My hopes leaped when she started sleeping at my feet, on my bed and not under it.

One day, I came home and she ran out of my bedroom, mewing affectionately. To my amazement, she started purring and rubbing against me and, when I stooped to clean out her litter, she rubbed her head against my hand to be petted. A few weeks later, she was comfortable enough with me to lay on my chest and let me pet her.

She did get scared easily. One moment, she'd ask to be petted, only to immediately scratch my hand out of baseless fright. I had scars for months and I even considered returning her to the friend, even though she was hundreds of miles out of town. Then I'd think about the progress we'd made in getting Bennie to accept me and how it'd be cruel to betray her hard-earned trust, and I'd keep her another month, and another month.

Over a year has passed and Bennie hardly scratches. In fact, she hasn't scratched me in months. Only the faintest of scars remain on my hand and they're still healing.

She's like a little girl, following me around the apartment, sitting comfortably by, whether I'm on the computer, on the bed, or on the livingroom couch. She has even started creeping onto my lap, which she hardly ever does when I'm sitting up. When I come home from school or an errand, she runs out of the bedroom with a chirp that makes me coo at her. When I wake up in the morning, I find her curled up right next to my pillow and it immediately brightens up my day. She's become so affectionate that she seems like a completely different cat than the one I first brought home.

Yet, all this is like telling of a leprechaun-sighting. She's rarely like this with anyone else. To all other people, she's just a mean, scratching cat that would rather ignore and be ignored. The plus side is that she's definitely become more comfortable with people. At the least, she lets herself be seen.