Today my daddy fed me half an can of cat food -- the good stuff, the
wet stuff. I quickly ate it, as I have a terribly voracious appetite.
He left me some dry (or "shelter") food. I ate some of it, but
mostly because it fell into my mouth as I laughed at the thought of
consciously consuming it. "I'm a house cat now", I thought to myself,
"that shit won't fly here." I took a nap for the rest of the morning,
but felt a deep, insatiable hunger around 5pm.

"What to do? What to do?"

I'm a mere kitten, so hunting anything but bugs is out of the
question. And that squeaky mouse thing -- not actual food! A toy in
fact! It's a shame I found that out as it escaped, rather than
entered me.

Luckily, I soon heard a familiar sound.

"Niiiiiiietz! Niiiiiietz!"

I hit the mother load. The female came home. Did she give me food immediately? No. But I know how to milk, so to speak, it out of her. I suckled, and suckled, and suckled upon her leg, arm, and other potential utter until I finally got my way. The human, in frustration, opened up a new cat of wet food. Victory is mine again.

Kitten: 1, human milk bag: 0

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