April 7th 2008 4:38 pm
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It's been a while since I've added anything to Morgana's diary. It's been hard to write since thinking of her would only bring on the tears again. I knew that it's not just me grieving her loss but the winter depression I get. Spring in here now, not all that sunny but much better & I feel better too.
But it doesn't mean I don't miss her so much still. I'm going to find her loss hard for a long, long time I think. We had so many happy times together that when a certain situation comes up (frequently too) that we shared together, it aches inside. I'll never be able to see a mosquito again without thinking of Morgana & her hunting prowess of them.
She would help me wake up in the morning (I'm NOT a morning person) but insisting that I hold & have some serious active cuddle time with her. It was like a burst of sunshine to perk up my soul. And she made winding down & getting sleepy at night easy too with her long & quieter cuddle session. At night, when I close my eyes, the tears still seep through my lashes.
Mozza is being very cuddly though, more so at night & so the two of us are building our own night-time ritual that soothes both of us. Sadly, it reminds me though of how when he's gone, that horrible emptiness will only be all the harder to bear. But for now, I'm making the most of my time with him. I know Morgana would not begrudge us this love.
One day, I know, I'll be able to think of my sweet little girl without this horrid painful tug on my heart. There will always be that sense of loss but the pain will be gone - not forgotten but not causing the hurt it does now. Such a special dear heart, she was. I only hope that everyone who's ever had a cat (or other pet) will experience this deep bond that we felt. As loving & special as Mozza is, the deep bond is not there. Oh, he's wonderful, funny, unique & I'm so glad to have him. But it's different & won't ever be like it was with Morgana. She seemed more human than any other cat I've known except old Taco who was the entire family's pet many years ago.
Rest in peace, sweet baby & as you become one with the earth, you will be the blossoms of the Kalmia I plant over your grave. I love you forever, dear heart Morgana.
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