My Diary

Humans!!

July 12th 2011 4:09 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 11 people already have ]

Why are humans never reliable?
We got the catputer fixed, I was all ready to dictate my diary to mom when she packed up the puter and went to bed. Mom was ill yesterday and wanted an early night so I couldnt do my diary.
I wanted to report the excitement we had the other night.
We were all snoozing quietly when all of a sudden there were flashing lights outside our house. Mom went upstairs to see what was going on (humans are so nosey). There were 7 police cars outside and they were arresting two people. A bit over zealous if you ask me, so much for living in a quiet village. What with fireworks and criminals, standards are slipping around here! Before we know it, Blizzard will be moving in next door!!

Owner's Guide For Cats
Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human housetrained in no time.
CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.

COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.

FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.


TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.

Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.

 
 

Leave A Comment | 11 people already have

Purred by: Blizzard AKA The Catfather (Catster Member)

July 12th 2011 at 5:01 pm

And yous says we're crazy??? Yous nuts!!! ( If I moved next door, property values would skyrocket!! Hrumph!!!)
Purred by: Rose (Catster Member)

July 12th 2011 at 6:46 pm

Wow - 7 cop cars to arrest 2 people - makes you wonder what they go arrested for!

As always, we love reading your tips for living with humans!
Purred by: ♥ Jezebel RIP ♥ (Catster Member)

July 12th 2011 at 11:29 pm

MOL - I like your toilet training tip although I prefer doing a poo right next to the box - gets the message across too!
Purred by: Simba (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 12:09 am

Concats to you on being DDP today. I hope you have a great day.
Purred by: The Drifter♥ (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 3:05 am

Have you been bribing the diary girl with meeces again Simba?
Congratulations on another DDP.
Purred by: Kaci Sunshine - Beloved Angel (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 5:33 am

Congrats on your DDP today!

Hugs,
Kaci
Purred by: Riley

July 13th 2011 at 5:39 am

Concats Simba on your DDP today!

Hugs N Purrs
Riley
Purred by: KIBBLES (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 6:03 am

Concats on your DDP today Simba!
Have a great day!

Love, Kibbles and family
Purred by: Alex R

July 13th 2011 at 7:10 am

Congrats, Simba on DDP!
Purred by: Tiger Edward Bush (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 8:29 am

CONGRATULATIONS!! Simba on your DDP!!

It sounds like you live in a quiet area and when something does happen, all of the patrolmen like to be a part of it. Keeps them in practice for when they are needed.

Hugs,
Tiger and Family
Purred by: Mr D - D'boat #19 (Catster Member)

July 13th 2011 at 1:43 pm

MOL that was a fun diary thanks.


Enter your comment information or log in if you have an account.

Fields marked with * are required


Anti-spam Challenge:
2 + 8 =

 

Simba


 

Family Pets

Ollie
boo
Maizie
Chiefy
(03/12/92 -
24/01/06)
Tilly Mint
Sylvester
Gizmo
Fluff
(15/12/02 -
30/05/09)
Sprocket
Circles
Pootle
missing since
16/10/03
Snuffs (at
rainbow
bridge)
Ziggy
Fox
Meeko
(Adateam
Thomas)
Pollyanna
(Rainbow
Bridge)
Thai
Cairo
Tommy Mint
Timmy Mint
O' MALLY
Izabelle
Pixie
Mutzi

Subscribe

(What does RSS do?)