HI, I'm The Drifter.

My New Year Resolutions.

December 31st 2009 1:45 pm
[ View A Comments (3) ]

* I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

* I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

* I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

* I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

* I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

* I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

* We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any human's bed while they're trying to sleep.

* Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

* I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

* I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

* I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.

* I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

* I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

* When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.

* When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

* Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

* I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.

* I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

* When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

* Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

* I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a..

* The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.

* I will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

* I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

* If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

* I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea.

* A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.

 
Purred by: Emily Felicity, Precious Angel (Catster Member)

January 1st 2010 at 12:21 am

Your resolutions are cute! :~D
Purred by: King Simba (Catster Member)

March 12th 2011 at 1:24 pm

I laughed so much reading these! I can't believe we missed making friends with more British kitties on here for so long! If you would like more friends, we've just pursuaded the three cats next door to join as well. I've linked them in my diary. It's so great to meet you!
Purred by: Timmy Tomcat DB #122a (Catster Member)

September 30th 2012 at 3:56 pm

Your are one Funny Funny Kitty!
Good stuff!
Purrs and Head Bonks
Timmy T and Family

 

The Drifter♥


 

Family Pets

Mouse
Purrdie, Until
we meet again.
Muffin

Rainbow Bridge
Willow.
Rainbow
Bridge.
Charley. Fly
free sweet
boy.
Ellie (now at
rainbow
bridge)
Flick.
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Toby.
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Bonnie
April ♥
Merlin
Toby Too
Sylvester&hear
ts; Rainbow
Bri
Gazza.
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Tikka.
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Arri.
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Smudge♥
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Smokey.
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Pooh♥
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Bruiser.
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Thomas.
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Da Vinci
Keaira.
Brenna.
Adinnam
Shimmering
Sheba.
Pumpkin.(Minim
uff)
Lizzie.
Buzz.
Tegan(Tiggy)

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