January 29th 2013 3:23 pm
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As every cat in my family knows, I am HoH (head of household) and alpha cat. Sure, Artie and Jack try and pretend that I’m not, but deep down they know they are my inferiors. So why the hell did Elvin think he could go off and die! Sure we weren’t besties (maybe he held some kind of grudge for all those times I caped him and yelled, “You’ve got cooties!), but he’s always been here. He was here when I was adopted and ignored my hissing and growls when we were introduced. He was the one permitted to sit by me at mealtime because he wouldn’t try and steal my food. I can’t believe my female human really thought I’d eat any meals yesterday. She had the stink of the vet all over her. And Elvin wasn’t next to me, smacking his food as noisy as possible (despite my disapproving glances in his direction). How am I supposed to eat without those stupid smacking noises? All the other cats eat too fast to even make any noises with their food.
First Garp left and now Elvin. All that’s left of the original crew is Hilda. Artie and those stupid kittens don’t count. I did not give Elvin permission to die. It’s not okay.
October 9th 2012 3:49 pm
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Things quickly went downhill in our household today when several men climbed on our neighbor’s roof and spent the entire day pounding on it. The male human says it looks like they still have a couple of days to go. I’ll never understand humans’ need to rip things up only to put the same thing back in place. And it always requires lots of pounding.
As Protector of the Household (and Head Brain), I spent the day watching the roofers for quality control. Elvin is old and spent his day doing his usual: sleeping. Artie told Jack and Sally some ridiculous story that ended with him shaking his stump at them. Sally squeaked and ran and hid in our male human’s closet. Artie, Jack, and Hilda all cowered in the front hall closet on our female human’s shoes. Cowards!
Despite what malicious rumors might suggest, I did not vomit because I was upset or scared. I was so disgusted with my siblings’ cowardice that I had to express it in a manner the humans would understand.
January 24th 2012 4:50 pm
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Hetty Miep: Hear ye, hear ye! Sally and Hilda, you may now report your findings.
Hilda: Sally and I are pretty sure that Samoa’s brothers didn’t hack into her account.
Hetty Miep: Nonsense! What about that Inky?
Hilda: He’s too busy riding his pony.
Sally: Yee haw! I want a pony!
Hetty Miep: Sally! Quit jumping on the couch! It’s not a pony. Now, what about Newman?
Sally: Nope! He’s too busy sucking on the Mrs.’s arm and working on his Poopology sequel.
Hilda: And Violet’s too busy being a pony.
Hetty Miep: *sighs* Well, what about Gleek?
Hilda: No way he’d dare hack into Samoa’s account.
*Hetty Miep lets loose a string of bad words. Hilda runs over and covers Sally’s ears with her paws.*
Hilda: Face it, Hetty Miep. Whether you like it or not, Artie and Jack are Dreamboats-in-Training.
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