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Too Young to Cross the Bridge

Crossed the Bridge This Morning

Karma came in to my life 2 weeks ago today. I'm still amazed at how and where I found him. Little did I know he was sick inside. The thought crossed my mind at the possibility of being sick but the way he flourished, especially in the first week I had him, it was hard to believe something was wrong, yet alone have him die.

Wednesday night I noticed he wasn't eating or drinking like he had been. A week before that, he had the runs and was diagnosed with coccidia and had to give him Albon. I stopped giving him the wet food because I was afraid that was part of the issue with the runs. So when I noticed he wasn't eating and drinking like he had been, I gave him a can of Fancy Feast Turkey in Gravy and he scarfed that down. I went to the vet on Thursday and she said that he probably wasn't getting enough water and told me I need to give him the wet stuff. I also thought maybe he was slightly constipated, so she told me to give him some Laxotone too. So, Thursday night I gave him some Laxotone which he literally bit my finger to eat. I also gave him a can of kitten fancy feast oceanwhite stuff and he only ate about half of it. That was the last time I saw him eat.

Friday I took him to the vet. He weighed .99 pounds. Oh yeah, he had a blockage. Left him there so they could do an enema. When I came back 45 minutes later, bad news. Enema didn't work and blockage still there. Xray showed fluid in the abdomen but the mass that she felt didn't show up on the xray. She said his intestines were folding over on themselves and suggested I put him to sleep. I went back to the kennel he was in and he was playing and jumping around and sticking his paws out trying to get out of the cage. I couldn't put him to sleep! I wanted a second opinion.

Went to another vet Friday afternoon and she said that he definitely wasn't constipated. His bladder was empty and there was NOTHING at all in his system. His right kidney was painful to her squeezing him and his left kidney was twice the normal size. He weighed 15.8 ounces and his temp was only 97.6. Said I could take him to a specialist in Louisiana where they had the facilities to figure out what was wrong with him but she said he was in kidney failure. His age, size and weight was working against him. She said she didn't know if he'd live through the night, maybe live a few more days or even a couple of weeks. It was my decision but both vets said he was going to die, sooner than later, and most likely a painful death.

So I brought him home. I didn't want to put him through any more torture from the vets. I wanted him to be at home, surrounded with love and familiar surroundings. I force fed him some water and some Science Diet A/D stuff. Gave him Clavamox. Spent the rest of the day with him. Took lots of pictures. Went to bed with him next to me. Woke up the first time and he wasn't on the bed. Woke up lots of times during the night and didn't know where he was at. Woke up at 5:30, still dark in the room but I looked down at the floor and there he was. He was laid out. I saw his little white paws laid out like he had collapsed. I knew instantly that he was gone. I reached down and picked him up, his little body was cold and stiff. Then I turned the light on and couldn't believe he was gone!

I honestly thought I had at least the weekend with him. I wanted to be holding him when he died but he had different ideas. He should have at least died on the bed with me but instead he died on the floor next to me while I slept. I didn't hear any noises like cries of pain or anything. I'm a light sleeper and hear everything. If he did cry out in pain, it was very quiet and I will always wonder if he made any noises that I might have actually heard but didn't hear or acknowledge as his goodbye. I'm just glad he didn't crawl under the bed or something to die. A few times before bed last night, he had crawled under the bed and I had to pull him out. I was holding him when I fell asleep last night. Just wish I was holding him when he took his last breath. He died alone but he was at home when he did. I think he didn't want to me to see him go. I'm hoping he died peacefully in his sleep but I will never know that.

Karma came to me for a reason. Only had him 2 weeks but he definitely knew he was loved and had a home here and a human that loved him. The other kitties in the room loved him too and even played with him. Last night when he moved around, he was still full of energy even if it was for a short time before he laid back down. I took a picture of him at the water bowl last night and that was one of the last pictures I got of him. Rest in peace my sweet Karma. You were way to young to die but at least the last 2 weeks of your short 6 weeks of life, you knew you were loved and will always be loved for all eternity. I will never forget you Karma! You're my baby and will always be. I was hoping to grow old with you but God had different plans. Fly free sweet boy and wait for me at the bridge with all the other babies that have gone before you. That was something I told you last night before I fell asleep (about waiting for me at the bridge) but I was hoping I'd have more time with you on earth before you left. I'm going to have your little body cremated so that I can have you with me always. I just can't believe you're gone already! Two weeks was not long enough to share a lifetime with you. I miss you already even though your little body is wrapped up in a towel and you're lying in my lap as I type this. I love you Karma with all of my heart and soul! My pride and joy! My little boy! I was so proud of you! You were my miracle! I did my best but I feel my best wasn't good enough. You were and will always be loved and that's all that matters! I love you my little boy Karma! God speed little one! Wait for me at the bridge!!! Until we meet again Karma...I love you so much!!! Please don't forget me!!!