April 17th 2013 5:07 am
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Myzmomma hads toos doos myz claws
lash nites. An whiles I wuz a berry gud boy wen she did it I dids gets her paw a cuppla times wen sheese wuz snippin myz nails. Momma iz alweys sayin to clip or not to clip wen sheese iz doodin ours nails, soos Ize deshided toos look up Hamlet's speech an Say its in myz own wurds. I tink itz cute. No offence to shakespear. I gots momma to change it jush furr my own pleashure. an ob course ifs eberryones elshes likeses it dat iz cool toos.
Soos heres itz iz:
To clip or not be clipped.
Nows dat iz da questshun.
Wud itz bees nibblier in da mines ob cats eberywhere
Toos suffers da clippers an da files
Ob catrageous Furrtunes
Ors toos takes up claws an teefs
Aginst a litter box ob trubbles.
An den byz opposin da clippin ob my claws stops dem,
Frum makin blood lettin ob da senselesses hoomin slaves an eberydey ting.
Fur them toos wills awakenes, toos sleeps no mores.
Ohs da longin, da heart-aches da towsand natural shocks frum da rugs
Static elecric shocks. Dat myz furr iz heir toos.
Fur weese will bees watchin an
Yea weese toos wills sleeps Purr chances toos dreams,
Aye an dere’z da Rub. Ifs weese is lucky it’s a rub in da skritchy spot
Rite unner my chin or betweens myz earses
An wat dreams may come?
Dreams of High spots, an boxes, an bags.
An toos bees sharpennin myz long sharp claws .
An big bowls ob fresh cream and speshal crunchies
Sitting up high on Perches tufted and stuffed wit feathers
An beds ob soft furrs surrounded bys sun puddles.
An warm safes spot to rest
An wen weese haz shuffeldes offs toos ours cumffy beddiess,
Toos sleeps da sleeps ob kitty-cat rest,
Den da onlee ting weese haz to doos is Purr an Purr
Untils itz times toos doos its all agin on da meowrow.
April 9th 2013 6:17 am
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Mrowl mrowl mrowl. rml rnl rnl. Ize jush cants stops laffin. Dat dum dog dids itz. Affer weese alls gots ins trubbl wit tryin toos sets him up furr trashin da house an momma figurin it outs soos ez, heese dids itz alls bys hisselfs. Wen Ize seed hims dooin its, Ize called alls myz broders an hissters an tole dem to gets a gud seat an get comfurrble. Dis wuz gonna bees fun. Dat Sam wuz puttin ons a show. An Most ob usses wuz der to sees it. Weese all feels vin-da-cat-ed. MROWL MROWL.
Momma wuz goin toos bed lash nite ans almosh alls ob usses sleeps wit momma. Eben da dog. Momma an Poppa haz a gate at the bottoms ob da steps dat dey shutses atz nite toos keeps Sam the Shameless one upstairs an out ob da trash. Well sumhow (an nones ob usses gud kitties ken figgurr outz how exactuallllllllly ) sumhows da gate gots undun. An Sam bein Sam well heese iz a dog an jush cudnt resist da calls of cat fud cans an odder smelly tings in da trash. Momma wuz upstairs callin Sam n heese wuznt comim soos shees wen looking furr him. Wells (snicker snicker)she foun hims. Der he wuz, standin in da middle of a bunch ob trash, wit a cat fud can hangin offs hiz snout. Momma hads toos cober her face an turns away becuz sheese wuz laffin at hisses fool self. Den sheese lookeded atz da mess heese made, an boy, o boy, o boy, wuz heese in trubble den. He shreded a tied up big bag an den empteed da trashcan all ober da floor. I tinked dat Sheese wuz gonna haz a catnipshun fit ats him. Sheese haz dids dis a cuppl timez wit usses furr wat ize thought wuz a relativlee minor infrac-shun (a brokem bowl, Sheese wuz screamin dat itz wuz a blu willow. an an anteek. Dat meens Itz wuz old. I tink its wuz Poppa mother's. i tried explanin dat it shudnt have been on da spot in front of da window where I likes to play but..Cudnt talk toos her) Catnipshun- Likes Ize sed it aint pretty. Sheese rolled up a newspaper an shook it atz him wile sheese ranted. Wells Heese wuz soos scared heese tinkled on his own leg. Nows dat iz embarressin. Heese iz such a woosey. Almosh mades meese feels sorry furr him. Ize said almosh, Ize iz a cat affer alls. Ize doos haz standurrs. Nones ob usses wud eber doos dat. Da tinklin not da trashin. Weese always knock da trash ober. I tink its in our contrax as part ob our free play time. An at least not for a rolled up newspaper shook atz usses. An momma wud neber hits him ors anys obs usses wit it. sheese jush threatens hims wit itz. Soos heese ran up on da couch an sat ins shame wile momma picked up da trash. Den heese ran toose da door cuz heese needed toos goos outside to makes peepees. No kiddin weese alls knew dat alreddy. Soos momma lets him out aan heese out der smellin eberyting in da yard an examinin alls da peeceses ob grass. Heese jush dint want to comes back inside an bees in trubble agin. Heese wudnt come wen momma called him soos sheese wuz reely gettin mad.
Weese dont haz a fenced yard soos momma bought a long cable dat hooks on hises harness. an ons da odder end its hooks on da railing right outside da door soos ifs its cold an hees jush needs too do #1 momma hooks him up an he can romp a play an not wander away an gets hurts. Hees dont always lissen da best. likes now. Also momma is in hers nitegown an its toos cold to goos out likes dat.
Soos momma reached out an grabbed da cable an reeled hims in likes a big tuna Ize saws a fishyman catch ons cat TV. Heese came in an momma held onto him an sent hims upstairs an relocked da gate. Shees tolds usses nots toos doos dat agin. Weese had no idee wat shees wuz talkin bout.
Den sheese wen back up an got ins bed agin an dat silly dog came back downstairs agin. Heese wuz waitin furr sumone to open da gate agin, Ize thought bout its buts Ize wuz in enuf trubbl for tryin to fake hers out da odder day an Ize reely wuznt da one who openedes it tonite. I tink ones ob da hoomins dint lock it rite. dat iz myz purrshunal opinyun. Buts yew knoe hoomins, its wuz neber dem. Well momma looked dwn doose stairs an called him up an he came dis time. Sheese wuz gettin tired of allseda back an forth. Sheese sed sheese hads enuf an sheese locked da bed rum door with the hook. Ize can open it affer a lot ob work butz I wuz outsides da door an figured i wud stay out fur tonite. mommma wuz in no mood fur meese to gets intoos anyting else tonite. Zeus an Tabitha an MrsKitty were in wit dem. Dey will report ins da mornin on wat da nite wuz like. Sleep well all Catster cats.
April 8th 2013 10:41 am
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Weese thought weese hads a way toos gets da dog in trouble an wud neber bees foun out. Oh weese wuz soos wrong. Heese iz a trasher. An poppa always yells ats him fur dooin it. An den heese haz toos hangs hiz silly heds in shame fur bein bad. Mrowl mrowl. I likes dat part best. Soos weese (Mimi, Raggs an Isis,) all desides toos keeps hims in trubble. Weese throwed da trash alls ober da place ans ripped up momma's favorite box of dry kibble. da stuff dat smells like chocolate but is all artificial. But sheese likes it anyways. Weese reely mades a mess. Poppa came downstairs an da place was gud an recked. Heese wuz walkin roun mutterin gonna kill da dog. weese wuz alls bery prouds ob ourselves. Jake sed dat weese blew it buts weese dint beliebs him. soos heese said fine you'll sees. Momma cames home wit da dog a little while later a poppa sed do you sees wat heese did dis time? Momma looked round an sed Sam dint doos dis. dey did. She pointed her paw at usses. Weese wuz all lookin az innoscent az possible unner da circunstances. Den sheese sed Dis wasnt likes dis wens weese went out 3 hours ago. and Sam wuz wit me. She piked up the piece of hers kibble box dat Ize had reely worked hard on an sed deese are cat teeth. sam's teeth are bigger an farther apart. Dey ares settin him ups to gets yelled at bys you. Poppa wuz speechless. Weese is gonna habs toos haz a meeting an try dis agin an not leeve evidence of our involvement. Maybe weese cud knok out a dog tooth an leeve it at da sceene ob da crime. Weese hab toos wurks on it. Jake iz laffing hisses fool tail off sayin told yous so. Yous cant makes a mess an blames hims ifs heese not home. Weese reely dint tink ob dat. Well better luk nex time. hehehehe.
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