Catster

return to top

Breaking the conspiracy...

The background

I have been trapped and taken to a big box. They feed me well, and seem to be getting the hang of petting on demand, but I'm still not sure about the whole scenario. My brother is with me, but he's pretty dumb. Not meaning to be cruel or anything, but he is waaayyy too trusting. Not me.

My cat instincts, which are honed to near purrfection, have taught me that I'm safe with one-hand petting, but never to allow both human hands to touch me at the same time. Twice the woman has touched me with both hands and I've ended up in some strange room and been poked with a sharp stick. Some mind-control experiment, no doubt.

Also, I make sure that Fez tastes all food first. Now this is a risky operation as he will sometimes not only taste but eat all the food first. But I can't take any chances.

I also recommend that all toys be immersed in water to make sure they do not carry any electronic or explosive devices. It makes for funky drinking water if they have catnip in them, but I've avoided being blown up.

So, to recap, Fez dumb, two hands bad, dunk all toys.

end transmission