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My Maxwell

My heart, my Maxwell

June 22nd 2013 2:33 am
[ Leave A Comment | 2 people already have ]

I lost my Maxwell on May 17th, 2013. He had cancer, and despite surgery, it was very aggressive and returned within months. He felt great before and after surgery, so I do not regret removing the tumor. He died in my arms on May 17th, when he finally lost the fight.

He was my first fur-child for whom I was solely responsible. I grew up with pets, and my family always had both dogs and cats, but Maxwell was the first pet I had who was just mine. Thirteen years is not enough, and twenty would not have been enough. There are no words to describe how much his absence has affected me. I am going through the motions of every day, waiting for "normal" to return. Normal is seeing him sitting beside the computer monitor at my desk. Seeing him sitting across from us at dinner, waiting for me to finish eating so I can hold him. Coming home and having him follow me to the bathroom and everywhere else in the house. Getting out of the shower and having him meow at me like "what took you so long in there?" Changing the sheets on the bed and watching him go into wild kitty mode, flattening himself out, tail twitching, hiding under the sheet as I shake it out. Holding him in my arms every day and feeling the healing vibrations of his purring. Falling asleep at night with a t-shirt on my head to keep him from drooling all over me. Lying in bed while Maxwell stomps all around my head trying to get comfy. Hearing his beautiful meow. Being lulled to sleep by his purring. Hearing the distinctive jingle of his collar as he runs down the hall.

I am heartbroken. I understand that he is gone, but I can't wrap my mind around it. He was here, and now he is not. It simply does not make sense. It's been more than a month. I am afraid the memories will fade. I feel his presence and I know I need to move on, but I don't want to leave him behind. I don't want to forget all those little details. For now I can close my eyes and easily hear him, see him, feel him. I don't want that to go away.

I dearly, DEARLY love all of my fur children. I am holding them closer while I mourn for my Maxwell. He was my baby, since he was a tiny six week old ball of fur. I can't believe how much I loved and still love him. My heart has grown as I have fallen in love with each of my children. Maxwell just happened to be the first.


Leave A Comment | 2 people already have

Purred by: Casey (Catster Member)

June 25th 2013 at 6:55 am

Dear Maxwell & Mom:
My heart goes out to you, no words can express how sorry I am on the loss of your precious Maxwell. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that Maxwell's beautiful memories will always warm your heart and put a smile upon your face.

Casey & Mom Judy
Purred by: ♥Buddy♥ My Angel (Catster Member)

June 25th 2013 at 9:15 am

Reading your entry really brought the memories of the first days back to me ~ I felt exactly the same way with Buddy. I went through all of his pictures and had to have one in each room of the house, I wrote everything about him down, so I would never ever forget anything~and my biggest fear was foregetting how Buddy sounded.

You just need time and everyone morns at different speeds and in different ways ~ but I just want to let you know one thing ~ love and memories never ever leave us!! Maxwell will forever be your baby and there is no way you will ever forget anything about him!1

I'll be keeping you and Maxwell in my thoughts and prayers

Hugs and Cares to YOU and your family

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