Why I Hate Punxsutawney Phil......an expose by Tink the Cat

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February 1st 2011 7:58 pm
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1) This is ALL obviously some kind of sinister conspiracy. A RODENT Meteorologist? Who voted for him? Most of the time, he doesn't even wait until the sun comes up. Tomorrow he will rise from his den, in the middle of the storm, at the one moment when the clouds part, see his shadow, then BAM! WE, who reside above ground, are SENTENCED to six more weeks of winter!! A CAT would be too busy napping to do this kind of widespread damage. We'd say, "I'm busy, tell 'em I didn't see a THING!"

2) Punxie is only about 2 hours due east of us, but for approximately 1,500 cat years it has been completely overcast where we are, yet he SOMEHOW manages to see his shadow. Even when we send him VERY CLOUDY THOUGHTS.

3) He sends his erroneous message to the BURDS in Florida. They heed the call for six more weeks of winter, so they don't show up for about 42 MORE days! (It exhausted me to figure that one out.) I depend on said BURDS for entertainment, so I am destined to four extra, above-and-beyond, NAPS a day. Until well into MARCH. I'm TIRED of sleeping! (need a nap to get over it - brb...)

4) WHO are his HANDLERS??? Pomp & Circumstance, Victorian-Era garb, a Town Decree? It's all so LAST CENTURY! He'd do MUCH better with a Facebook Campaign & a few well-placed tweets(LOVE that word!) Still, for the MOST fun possible, elect a CAT. It would be bright, fun and AWESOME on Catster, with presents and MUCH BETTER FOOD. Catster Mommies Rule!

5) He is obviously high-strung. THIS is what you get when you assign an important job to a VARMINT. He cracks under the pressure and runs away at the sight OF HIS OWN SHADOW. What?! "Scaredy-CAT", my everlovin' tailbase! When I see MY shadow, I POUNCE on it! They need to give that gopher a Xanax! Then let him sleep - all the way thru March! Don't ask, don't tell. Do us all a favor!

6) NOT a media darling at all. Just LOOK at that face(if you dare)!! Beady eyes, buck teeth, not exactly soft & cuddly, no graceful moves, no adorable antics - and what is UP with that tail??? Manx & Bobtails have backends that look a THOUSAND times better. These CRITTERS must have dirt diets, or they wouldn't be called ground-hogs. I mean, who would come up with a name like THAT if it wasn't true? And, of course, we all know that you are what you eat.

IN CONCLUSION: Punxsutawney Phil, I am so sorry that you were handpicked to take over for the old Punxsutawney Phil. They couldn't even be bothered to give you a new name like Punxsutawney Paul or Punxsutawney Punk, because they have the local myth that your cocktail-of-choice, Punxsutawney Punch, has kept one "Phil" alive for 110 years, even though your life span is more like 10 years. You're probly even A GIRL, but who but another groundhog(or not) would be able to tell? I'm sure you were just minding your own business, digging your FOUR HUNDRED THOUSANDTH tunnel when they nabbed you. Nothing personal - but this business of seeing your own shadow, especially considering that you're PRACTICALLY BLIND, has GOT TO STOP.

whew! GLAD to get THAT off my chest! back to napping....prrrrp, Tink

Leave A Comment | 6 people already have

Purred by: Finnegan (Finney) (Catster Member)

February 2nd 2011 at 10:44 am

HAHAHAHAHA, your diaries are getting more and more funny Tink. We agree with all of this but guess what? He saw his shadow so technically it's going to be an early spring. Hope it happens that way, we don't believe in this caca weather casting. Although he can't do any worse than a hooman weather guy. But we feel bad for him, no wonder the guy who yanks him out has to wear those heavy gloves. I'd bite him too!

Purred by: Tink the Cat (Catster Member)

February 2nd 2011 at 10:48 am

I think someone read this, and he bowed to the pressure...

Purred by: Laura W

February 3rd 2011 at 10:03 am

tink

we got burds.....stooooooooopid burds here..... they doez knot haz sense ta get outta de cold and fly south frum de get a go...we will be mor N happee ta send de stoooooooooooooooopid burds yur way but a werd up....they izn't veree entertainin...noe dance moves, drum solo's, pee an oh playin....nuthin.....just plain stooooooooooopid burds.....

peace out n rock on !!!!!

Purred by: Nuk Anuk (Catster Member)

February 4th 2011 at 6:26 am

Tink! You nailed it. It's all part of the "Rodent Conspiracy" We have a few smaller type ones here and I can hear them conspiring.

There are several errors in this "Ground Hog sees his shadow/doesn't see his shadow" business.
As you've noted, groundhog eyesight while *famously* excellent is being interpreted by humans. Can we really trust them to such delicate *translation* matters?
Yes, they're *nervous* types too.

Purred by: Sleeper (Catster Member)

February 8th 2011 at 5:04 pm

Whoa! Wait a minute...you mean it's not ALWAYS Winter? That's all I'VE ever know. Dang - where IS this critter - Samhain and I would like a talk with him. And, another thing - whaddaya mean he's probably a GIRL?! What's wrong with that I'd like to know?!

Purred by: Tink the Cat (Catster Member)

February 8th 2011 at 5:12 pm

Hold on, hold on, SleeperGirl! I'm a girl too - I was just referring to the fact that they are trying to pull a fast one, passing her off as a new "Phil"! Anyway, the critter is now burrowed in until next Feb 2...but soon you & Samhain are gonna see Spring & Summer - there's nothing more FUN in the world! LOL, Tink