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fear is the mind-killer

fear is the little death...

November 2nd 2011 1:47 am
[ Leave A Comment | 1 person already has ]

that brings total obliteration. Kaya and Jadyn were moving closer and closer to the center of all that means warm and full and safe. K. is always closest to that center even when she is afraid-she can't lose her alpha status because of that. she keeps her power outside of herself. J. is less secure in that way, but more sturdy and compact, a power of dynamism, mercurial and arbitrary. she greets strangers with aplomb, but is equivocal with the dwellers in the house...with our people. no one worries our people more than Jadyn, the 'middle child,' the mystery cat, the cat who walks through walls.

and because of that, she appears even here. see? a family is a tyranny run by its sickest member.

i just can't quite manage that trick. my fears arise at such inconvenient times. and surface in such exasperating ways. yes, i am aware that the people in the bedroom on the other side of our staircase can hear me wailing at "stupid o'clock in the morning." i mean, you heard me over that C-PAP machine even though it's beeping for some reason, and has been for the last two months, and has been driving us all insane, so you sleep on your good ear and cover your bad ear-so OF COURSE the neighbors can hear me on the other side of this wall.

but today you were brushing K. & J. and i KNOW you wanted to brush me. and i TRIED to let you. really. but i couldn't.
so instead i'm screaming again on the stairway at stupid o'clock in the morning.

you understand that, don't you?


Leave A Comment | 1 person already has

Purred by: Smokie Boo Dreamboat #104b (Catster Member)

November 3rd 2011 at 7:30 am

There is this saying....can't say it in Cat...but know humans say 'little by little'.
I was once a very afraid little cat took time...alot of time...and now yes, I am Alpha cat, and the head of the Tribe of Small Tigers here.
Blessings to you...and remember it will be ok...don't be afraid little one...don't ever be afraid.

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