July 9th 2010 8:56 pm
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Dear Alex, my sweet little baby girl,
I can’t believe it’s been two years since you left this world. It still pains me after all this time. I love and miss you so much my little furry daughter. You were here with me for such a short time. But in that short time you taught me so much. You were an angel sent here to rescue my heart and when you left, you took a big piece of it with you.
There are so many things about you I still miss. I miss how we would watch TV together. You’d lie on my stomach and put your head on my chest where my heart is and fall asleep cradled in my arms. I miss how you’d jump on the bed, sit there and stare at me, patiently waiting for me to go to bed and snuggle. It was our favorite thing to do. Then I would lay on my left side and stretch out my arm, you’d plop yourself on your left side, spooned tightly up against me with your head on my shoulder. I’d slide my arm and hand in between your paws so we were holding hands. Then you’d put your head backwards up against my lips and just stay there forever while I gave you a thousand kisses.
During thunderstorms you’d hide in the closet. I’d go in with you and we’d lie on a blanket while I rubbed your belly and back. Sometimes we’d even fall asleep there until the storm was gone. I miss how you used to sit on your window perch and look outside at the birds. They’d fly so close to the window and taunt you constantly. When you died, the birds kept coming and even sat on the roof looking in the window for you. You were so adorable when you’d roll around on the floor and meow until I paid attention to you, as if to say, “look at me momma, look at me!” Every once in awhile you even said the word momma!
Whenever I was upset about something, depressed or sick, you’d come over and lick my tears, put your head on my lap or my arms and look up at me with eyes that just healed me. Those adoring, devoted eyes made everything better. I greatly miss how you would start a meow and end up yawning halfway through it. Your yawns would always sound just like Snoopy on the Peanuts cartoons. I wish I had pictures of how you’d be sleeping and stretch out your legs and spread your toes, cover your face with your front paws and stick out your tongue all at the same time. You stole everyone’s heart from the minute you came into my life.
I know you’re still here with me and visit me all the time. The two little buggers you sent me play with someone invisible all the time. When they’re in another room sleeping, I feel you on the top of the couch, rubbing up against my head and purring loudly in my ear. I feel you jump on my bed in the morning just like you used to do. Finn and Lacey are locked out of the bedroom so it’s not them. But I can feel you walking up my bed to come to my face and let me know you’re still doing our morning ritual.
I know you sent them here to keep me from descending into blackness after you died. I needed to have some comic relief and you knew that. I would never have started IBD Kitties if I didn’t have them to lighten things up around here. I couldn’t have thrown myself into the work you inspired me to do while being alone. You continue to be an incredible catalyst for change and because of you and the awful sickness that took you away, other kitties are getting the chance you never had. I tried with every fiber of my being to help you live but it wasn’t meant to be. Angels have a specific job here on earth and usually leave soon after. But I feel you stronger than ever watching over these other babies, leading me to seek them out wherever they are. We still have a lot of work left to do; we’re really just getting started.
I love you so much little girl, I hope you know how important you are to so many. You are that shining light of hope, the star that guides my every effort to make a positive difference. As much as my heart hurts tonight, I know I’ll see you someday on the other side and hold you in my arms again. I can’t wait to feel those sandpaper kisses.
Love, Headbonks & Purrs
Your mom Lisa