July 10th 2012 8:54 am
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Someone who also lost a kitty almost a year ago at this time told me yesterday that she still has to push the bad memories out of her head and hang on to the good ones. She still gets haunted by some of the things that happened when her kitty passed. That's how I feel also, though it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. But for some reason this year is hitting me a little harder. Maybe because the last 3 years were all about helping IBD Kitties and I was too busy to think about anything. I liked it that way. Not so right now, I am dealing with some things and IBD Kitties is pretty established right now. So I don't get the constant emails asking for help anymore. Which means the site is doing it's job. Also this anniversary falls on the same day of the week it happened.
Four years already! Amazing how time plays tricks on our minds. In the beginning it feels like the pain will never end and it'll eat you up like a lion, ripping you to shreds. But before you know it, it's been a year and you think, "wow, a year already! how did I get through that?" Time flies by now and after four years you'd think I would have forgotten some of this awful day, but I haven't. Unfortunately I still remember every second of it. I woke up and fed her like any other day, she seemed fine. She really did. And then BAM! Everything changed in a heartbeat. I still wonder if I did something to make it happen. I just don't know what could have changed and why. She was doing so well. I know it's not my fault but we all feel this way I'm sure.
Anyway, I know we haven't been very good friends lately and have been staying away from here. I have my reasons, some people have hurt my feelings yet again. Catster and their stupid fleas are just sickening, can't even get notifications at all, nothing is working here. Fix it already! Why can other techs on other sites fix their bugs and not here? I don't get it. Midnight is losing some of her kidney function so I have been stressed and worried. Neighbors are still really horrible and basically all of this is affecting me emotionally and I am just tired. I'm very sorry to not have been here for everyone else. It's just too sad around here sometimes with all the losses, Bob passing away and then Big Harry right after just killed us. Other sites don't affect me like this one does. I get sad, sure. But not like here, because I am so close to all of our friends here. It hurts us all deeply to lose one of our own. And both Bob and Big Harry's mom have been SO SO SO very good to me. Such wonderful friends. I feel so much for them and their losses.
Well, that's it in a nutshell! We are still here though and we love our friends dearly. Thank you for remembering us on this day of all days. I'm going to try and stay busy and enjoy the beautiful day outside. Big snoozles and whisker kisses to every fur!
Alex and mom Lisa
P.S. Please purr for Gumpy as he has not been doing well lately and also for Blizzard's sisfur Sweetie who isn't feeling well. And if you can spare some for cousin Midnight that would be nice too, thank you.
We hold all of you close in our thoughts and purrrayers. We understand how out-of-sync a bad year can make a person. It's has been a really bad year for you!
Wish we could stop Alex's death from haunting you. All I can say is it does not help with anything to think about what could have been. Try to think of pleasant memories of her instead. Maybe write her a love letter about the cute things she did. We love you and will never stop!!! Luv, Tink & Snow
Oh Ms. Lisa. Youse goin' frew tuff times. We unnerstan' 'at you don' feel like playin' right now. We efun unnerstan' 'at you don' efun wantsa talk 'bout efurthin' right now. You res'. Take care of yerself & yer kitties. We be here when youse ready.
We purrs alla times--is what we gots LOTS to give. We can purrs fur Midnight too. WE LUFF YOU & FINNEY & LACEY!
Purring for Gumpy, Sweetie, and Midnight.
Thank you Tink, Jezzy and Ingen. Ingen you nailed it! We have tried to feel like playin' but just don't right now. Mom is just trying to stay busy and not think about stuff.
Wez all luvs you (and Alex and Lacey and Finney and cousin Midnight) like our own family. You ARE part of our family! Tough times do come - alot o tough times in both kitty world and peeplz world. It be okay to have the down times. Wez be here for you anytime no matter what.
Purrs and hugs from all of us too so sorry your year has been so rough. We do know what you mean about the memories and the and the sad times Mom still cries if she tries to vist Boo or Ive's pages, mine and Alley's are easier for her but if she stays there long then the sad memories come.
Sounds like Tinks ideal might be a real good ideal for mom too.
Take care of you.
Hi Miranda, we love you and your family so much! You are part of our family as well. Thank you sweetie. Hi Skids, mom has actually written me love letters in my diaries before and listed all the sweet and fun stuff. This is just one of those times where she just needed to get stuff off of her chest and just let herself have this day. Your mommy has had quite a year also my dear. Losing BooBoo kitty and Momma in such a short time is just not fair. I think your mom should do it! Write that letter to them both!
wees a purrin for gump and midnite.
memories are hard. daddy has tears when he reads Tigger's diary.
Thank heaven usually Kringle does something silly
Sweetie went to the vet. she was NOT a happy camper. she has a severe uri, and with a weakened immune system from the cancer, vet was concerned. She got a shot, a weeks worth of meds and steroids for appitite and an immune booster. Plus, must be kept seperate for a week
Thanks for understanding Blizz, you're a wonderful friend. So glad Sweetie went and got medicine today. She's mad but that's a good thing. As long as they are P-O-ed when they see the vet, that's always a good thing. When they stop fighting, that's not good.
Alex you are the second one of my friends that has had someone here be unkind to them. Such a shame, I am so sorry there has to be purrsons like that in the world. I would however like to send a little something to that mean purrson if they could paw-mail me their address, meowmy is scooping it up right now. Love you, Normy
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Normy you are pawsome. Thank you for making both me and meowmy laugh HARD! LOVE YOU!
We are purring for you Lisa and Midnight, also Sweetie and Gumpy...so sad here lately but somehow we have to find the strength to help those in need of the help...
We hate to hear that there are people here that are unkind, this is not the place for that!!!!
As an angel looks like I have my work cut out for me...helping all my friends...Lisa I send you a special butterfly from heaven just look and you will see! Memories is all we have sometimes remember the good times....
oh no, many purrs for the kitties in need. I am so sorry to hear that you are having tuff times and there are meanies out there.....this is no place for it....as has been said remember all the good things about Alex...we all love you and your mommy here..xoxoxox
Yes, those memories are always with us, and forever we angel furs always are, to be treasured in our furmilies hearts, at spawsial times and just because of the love we will always have.
RAINBOW BRIDGE REMEMBRANCE DAY
Purrs to your Mommy today, and to all of your furmily, too.
We are purring and pawyering for all those who are not feeling well, and we hope that soon Catster will be fixed and fun...meanwhile we try to visit as many as time allows to greet them and have fun or sweet times with them...
Pipo & Minko
Thank you so much Queen T, Harley and Pipo & Minko! I need to go and put this photo up, it's so sweet! Queen T, let's go and have some catnip tea in our favorite spot in the garden by the sunflowers. That always makes me feel good.
Lisa...you know we love you and your furbrats. Your work has changed lives remember that. I read your newsletter where you talked about trying to help others learn the things you wished you knew. Sweetie you have!!! You are an angel of knowledge.
Alex knows you love her and she will visit again..I can feel it. We have to enjoy the younger years, the good years not the last sickly days.
From Mom: When I'm praying to God to get me to work on time, reminding him of how bad I need to keep my job. Sad to say I do more praying in the car than I do anywhere else. LOL! Anyway, Other than my family, there are two groups I pray for every time.... families of 911 victims (yes still) and my catster and work friends. I will always be praying that all your babies are healthy and happy.
Hey Lisa..tell Alex to come see me sometime! Angel or not she is one hot momma!
Hey Lisa..tell Alex to come see me sometime! Angel or not she is one hot momma!
Lisa, we love you. You have always been here for everybody. Take as much time for yourself as you need. We'll stop in here once in a while to check in with friends.
One day your sweet Alex will tell you how thankful she is for everything you have done for her while she was with you. And she knows that you did everything you could. I know it gets sad here sometimes. I have forgiven myself for two of my kitties from distant past, that I was feeling guilty about. I did what I could at the time. I know more now, thanks to you and other people on Catster I know much more now than I did back then. We are remembering your sweet Angel Girl today. Purrs and prayers to your family. We are here for you, always.
Mietzi, Timo, Sonja
Crap! Sorry this no notifications are messing with me bad cause I don't want to leave anyone's diaries. I'm afraid I'll miss a response.
Sorry I am trying to comment and it won't let me, these are the things that just clip my wings!!! Grrrr hiiisssss!
MOL Zachy!!! And you're not so bad yourself. Thank you Zoe sweetie and thank you also Mietzi my dear friend. Mommy is feeling better tonight, she was mostly sad this morning but had a pretty good day all in all.
Alex's Mommy: Angel of knowledge huh. Hmmm, why does my mind feel so darned blank these days? I cannot find my inspiration and it's driving me a little loony. I look everywhere for it and my mind feels like it's in a box and can't knock down the walls.
You can never have too many memories with a beautiful angel kitty. Look at you, still caring for others on your special day. You are the greatest! Many purrs for your mommy and family today.
Sending my love & speshill thoughts of you Lisa, your bootiful Alex Angel & your earthly kitties, Finney, Lacey & Middy!
We all ♥love♥ you heyah, yur real true furriends, juss you remember that!
You have been a Godsend to so many of us & we truly appreciate it more than you know!
We are like families, loving, learning & growing
togetha 4 - eva!
Catster has open a whole new world for so many of us pawrents, guardians.
We are doing our bestest we can to love our furrbabies & give them a very happy & loving stable home filled with so much love!
I talk to my 2 gurls in kitty heavens every single day telling them how much I love them. I still do cry & always will..... they are our furrbabies....
One day, one very speshill day will come oh, what a wunnaful joyful reunions it'll be for all of us!
Love is 4 – eva!
Rainbow heart filled with so much ♥love♥
We are heyah Lisa & we are not going anywhere else & dats
da Paw ov it (") (")
Luv & gentle huggs,
Kally Kat & Mommy Liz ღ ღ
Simone and Kally Kat, what beautiful things you've said and I love the little rainbow heart Kally. You both bring enormous joy to my heart. All of you do! Who can stay sad with friends like this? Not me!
You sure have had a rough year, we understand not being in the mood to play here and the Catster fleas don't help much either. We aren't going anywhere and we'll be here when you are ready or if you need us. We love you guys, Skylar and family
Lisa it's just writers block. The walls will come down when you least expect it. Probably while your trying to go to sleep. That's when my mind won't shut up which might have something to do with my insomnia. You thank??!!
Zach says "Come on baby doll I'll show you how to do the Charleston."
We love you too Skylar and family! Furry, furry much!
Zoe this darned writer's block is lasting what feels like forever! If the walls ever come down, I'll be surprised.
Alex says to Zach, let's go cutie pie!
Alex was and is a special, one-of-a-kind cat being. We know how much you miss your precious girl. I’m sure there will always be an ache to have your sweet baby girl with you. I’m the same kind of cat to my mom, so she understands. It is pawsome that Alex continues to shine through the IBD kitties site.
Thank you for the purrs for me at this time and for mentioning me. I’m grateful for that and so is Mom. Purrs for little Sweetie and also for Midnight!
Thank you for visiting me on this day Gumpy. I know your mom is very concerned for you, as are we. I think if you don't mind, I'm going to sit with you periodically for awhile and hold your paw for strength. Would that be okay?
Alex, our Mom says to your Mom that she understands how some memories can make one feel blue. It will pass.
But don't let the mean humans get you down! There are still plenty of Catsters here who are good & worth the time!
Why just look at all the great feedback given to you & your Mom!
Look after Mom until she feels better.
Love, Fluffy & Alex & LisaMom.
Hi there!!! It's our dopplegangers! Alex and mommy Lisa, just like us (except we don't have a kitty named Fluffy but we have a super fluffy kitty, MOL). Nice to see you guys!! It's true, we know and appreciate all the love we've gotten today, it makes it so much easier to deal with.
Hugs for you Lisa, I wish the pain would go away for you.
We are purring for Midnight, and Gump too. Mummys really tired right now, so we will come back too visit tommmorow to see how you are doing.
Hello Aunt Lisa,
As you know, Alex is my special friend. She sits at my window and when the air is on I press my nose to the glass and we communicate. When the window is open and screened, she flies in and flaps her wings and sometimes makes me sneeze. We cat chat about this and that and pass the time of day. Lately, she has been lolling here, on her back, and letting someo f the other angel kitties take over some of the duties. "I need a little vacation and downtime' she says. But I know, as most of us felines do, that in need Alex will flap her wings with all her might, rise in the air and zip to where she's needed.
My dear Lisa, Alex loves you. This hasn't changed. She has told me that you need to let go of what you had no control over. Sweet lady, she did not linger long nor suffer overly. That she left you as she did you had no control over, nor could you have changed it, you did absolutely all you could. Everything that could have been done, was done.
Those on the 'other side' are not far away, Lisa. You can sense Alex, she knows you love her, and she loves you. Lisa, she may be, and I hope this doesn't trouble you, be getting ready for her next journey here in the flesh. She's rested and almost ready.
Some memories hit our people harder than othres. Mommy still feels she wishes she had been able to do more for Cee Cee. She felt if she had taken Cee Cee home right on the day that the volunteer bought her to that cat house, she might have changed what was. But people did what they could...and dear lady, none of us know that the day will be when we simply are called back to the Source.
Alex flew into your life, and danced into it with purpose. That purpose was fufilled.
She left a legacy of love. Your job, my dear, is to pass that on. Take what you know, who you are, and pass it on.
You've done a noble job with the IBD kitties website. We hope you'll reach out to vets to let them know....because so many don't. Even mommies doesn't really understand, really.
That said, you are amazing. Give yourself credit for that....
Alex and I are going to share a snack now...she's having some strawberry icecream, I am having s bit of tuna fish.
I'm purring for you, Aunt Lisa, and yes, of course, all the furs in need, including Midnight and of course, our friend Gump.
love and light aways,
Hi Ruffy!!! Ice cream sounds great. I want to tell you though that I am not going back in the flesh, maybe ever. Mom and I talk about this all the time and she knows that I am not going to stop until there are no more kitties suffering from IBD. I come and see mom often and she knows it, she sees me, feels me and even hears me sometimes. Her and I are close and she knows that I am stronger here than I ever was there. I can do a lot more good from here. If I were going to go back, I'd do it in a little kitten that was healthy and one that I know would be with my mom so we could be together again. Our purpose together with IBD is not finished by a long shot and she still needs me to help guide little kitties to her. I do need a vacation and I have been enjoying tea and cookies with Queen Tallulah and all my other friends.
Sweet Ruffy, I am going to come down there and snoozle you when you least expect it and tickle your whiskers, MOL. Be ready!!!!
We miss you a whole bunch and hope things get better for you.
Sending you purrs as you remember sweet Alex.
We check in everyday. But we find it difficult here, too.
But we will not give up on the site. We have made so many friends and it is so sad to think of losing touch.
You have helped me and Mom at such difficult times and we will never forget that.
Aw Biggles, that's so furry sweet! Thank you my dear friend. I hope you're doing well and I'm always here watching over you.
Alex, I would like you to hold my paw. I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow and it would be nice to know you are there with me. Mom is sad and nervous about what is happening with me. I don't feel well right now and we have to figure out why.
That was some wonderful wisdom from Ruffy.
Sweet, sweet Gumpy. I will be there with you every step of the way. Holding your paw, licking your forehead, snoozling you and making sure you're not scared. I know your mommy is very scared right now and it's understandable. Sweet boy, I'm here. And so is my mommy here for yours.
PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR, PURR!