DESPERATE HOUSECAT

My New Picture

I haven't been around in a while...but this cat's been busy. You know, chasing down the birds my Mother hides inside the TV and decapitating my catnip mice.

That Mother of Mine finally -- FINALLY -- changed my picture. I gotta tell you...I got really sick and tired of looking at the other one.

This one suits me sooooo much better. Captures my "cat-sonality," if you will, to a T!

I just love how I stuck out my tongue just as Mother snapped the pic. And yes, indeedie, I was saying, "Na-na-na-na-na-NAAAAAA!"

Mother sometimes refers to my cat-titude as the "spoiled, only child" syndrome.

Well...YEAH, MOM! And who did the spoiling, this cat asks?

Vet Revenge

I haven't written in my diary in a while, but I've been sorta sick. Nothing too serious, but that Mommy of Mine is a nutcase when it comes to my health -- especially now that I'm thirteen. If I sneeze, we're at the Vet.

And I don't give a good meow that Mommy says he's one of the best around, I just hate that man. I hate him so much that I make sure I poop and pee all over him every time we go.

Last week, I came down with what we now know is Pancreatitis. And I wasn't going in the box. Mommy thought there was some sort of blockage somewhere.

That Mommy of Mine is kinda dumb sometimes. She paid almost five hundred bucks for a double-cavity sonogram, just for them to tell her that I needed steriods and that nothing -- nothing -- was blocked.

We were literally at the Vet's five out of seven days last week. And every time she took me in, I pooped all over him!

DUH! Doesn't she realize that when I'm sick, I know where she's going to take me, so I just save it all up for the Vet? He even said to Mommy, "That's $80 for the blood and FIVE HUNDRED for the fecal and urine..."

Mommy heard the Vet Techs calling one of the cats, "The Hisser." I wonder what they call moi...

My Paw-trait

Meeeeyooooooowwww...

I'm very happy today! My Mommy's friend Tod Mason is an artist, and he paints pet paw-traits...with a twist! He'll paint you as any historical character your Mommy or Daddy chooses.

Being that my Mommy loves all things French...and the fact that I adore the sun...Mommy had him paint me as Louis XIV -- the Sun King! And Mommy has posted a photo of the painting for everyone to enjoy!

I think I look stunning. And certainly the King of the House DESERVES to be honored as a real King. Mommy's so proud! I think Uncle Tod did such a good job...I just look purrrrr-fect.

Meow for now,
Felix

Mewvies

Hello, my fellow 'sters...

OK. Sometimes my mommy is a real sucker for kitty stuff. Like those stupid catnip bubbles she bought me. Mommy swore they were supposed to do the same thing as REAL catnip, but I didn't smell a thing. Kinda made me sleepy watching her blow that gunk through that plastic ring thing.

And what was with the bed she bought me? Was she trying to tell me that I'm no longer allowed to snuggle up with HER at sleepy-nite time????

But this time Mommy got it right. She bought me one of those cat movies...you know...with mice and birds and bugs crawling around. Mommy wasn't sure if I would like it...and now she's ready to send it back!

The problem isn't that I'm dis-interested. In fact, I LOVE the movie. Mommy is just mad because I sit by the TV and cry until she pops MY DVD in. And then I cry again when she turns it off. I can't help it. This DVD is just riveting...and sometimes, I even bat at the screen!

Mommy gets kinda wiggy during the bird and mice scenes. She's kinda funny to watch, but I just ignore her. I'd rather engross myself in the mewvie than see Mommy squeal and cover her head with a pillow.

Well, it's sure better than those French movies she usually watches. At least I can understand the language of rodents. I certainly don't know much French.

Anyway...I must go wash my face. It's almost sleepy-nite time, and I want to make sure to stake out my spot in the real bed before Mommy gets into it!

Paws up, kitties...
Felix

I'm honored...

MEEEE-YOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I'm so stunned, and thrilled at the same time.

It's such an honor to have been chosen as one of today's diary picks. This is quite an accolade. Only Mommy said I better not win the Pulitzer before she does!

I want to thank the Academy...and Patti Lupone for her inspiration...and all my aunties and uncles...oh...and Mommy for the treats and furry mice...and my granner up in heaven...and the makers of Fancy Feast...and my Vegetarian for restoring my smile and making my toofs all better...

and...

...wait...I can't meow over the loud music and I've still got people to thank!!!!

MEEEYOWWW!!!!!!!!

Felix

Furry Mice: A poem by Felix

Meow to my Catsters...

You know...I was just talking to a couple of my catster buddies about Furry Mice, and I just felt inspired to write.

Mommy said that the pet store can't stock them quickly enough for me. I like to decapitate them. That's what Mommy says when I bite their faces off.

Oh, I love Furry Mice. In fact...I think I shall write a poem.

"Ode to Furry Mice" by Felix
Furry Mice--can enough be said?
I love to chew and bite their heads
With Furry Mice I could play all day,
Gnawing and clawing my time away,
Furry Mice...covering the floor,
Furry Mice--who could ask for more?

There. That's my first poem. Do you like it?

Have a great weekend!
Felix

Mommy's New Toy: All the World is My Stage

Meeeeeeeyoooowww!

I'm so happy! Mommy just got a new digital camera, and--naturally--I was her very first subject.

She's posted my new photos. I like to call them, "Study: A Boy and his Binky."

I just love to have my picture taken--unless Mommy's playing dress-up with that Santa hat. There's just something about being in front of the camera...I love to roll around, and flash my big green eyes. Sometimes, though, I like to move right before she snaps. Mommy has "just missed" so many great photos of me. But now we have video on the new camera, so I can just vogue and vogue til my furry little heart's content!

Mommy says that I'm well on my way to Drama School. Ivy League, of course!

I might write more later, but right now I have to rest up. Tonight, it's Toof Goop night...and you already know how Felix feels about Toof Goop!

Meow for now,
Felix

Mommy, Part One

Meeeeyoooooowwwww, my Catsters!

If I have to listen to that stupid, meown' Duran Duran one MORE time tonight, I'm gonna just YEELLLLLLLP!

I hate them. Every last meown one of 'em. Especially that Simon character. PUH-LEEEZ. And Mommy actually pays money to see him on stage. Ummmm...do you know how many cans of Fancy Feast she could buy with that money????

Now, I love music. More than anything. In fact, my Granner used to make up songs about me and rock me in her lap. But this stuff is just making me nuts. They whine more than I do.

Make it stop...please, make it STOPPPPPPPPPP!
Felix

Brrrr in Brooklyn...

MeeeeYOWWW!

Mommy says it's very cold outside, and for once, I'm glad I'm not allowed outside. It's nice staying home, all cozy and warm, while Mommy goes out into the snow. (And boy do we have a lot of SNOW!)

Mommy says that we're going to light a fire, snuggle up and watch TV. Mommy also says she's not cooking tonight. I like it when Mommy doesn't cook because I get the leftovers from her deliveries.

TTFN,
Felix

Sooooo bored...

Meee-YOW!

Don't get me wrong. I like spending time with Mommy. In fact, I love engaging in most human activities she permits. (Especially the time I scampered across her laptop and managed to hit "select all," "delete" and "save" all in two steps! Although, Mommy wasn't so happy about the five pages she lost...)

But this Catster thing is just making me nuts.

I don't wanna sit here and write all night. I wanna go watch HGTV for hours like we used to...before yesterday when Mommy discovered Catster.

I think I'm just gonna sit here, and look up at Mommy with my big emerald eyes. That ALWAYS does the trick. Especially when I cop the "forlorn sigh," as Mommy calls it. Works every time...

Wait...I think it's working! I think she's gonna give...

I must go, but have a wonderful evening.

Meeeeeeeeeeee-YOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW,
Felix

Tooth Goop

Meow to all my fellow Catsters:

Tonight was just terrible. I have to tell you what my mommy did to me.

Now, I love my mommy. I love my mommy more even more than TUNA. But tonight, she really made me mad.

It all started a couple months ago. I was drooling everywhere. I wouldn't eat. And I was crying. (Mommy was, too!) So, the next morning, Mommy took me to that horrible, dreaded place -- the Vegetarian's office.

After they put that little stick up my furry butt, I heard that Vegetarian saying words I didn't understand: Gingivitis. Full dental. And Toof Pulling.

So Mommy brought me home, and every night she put this yucky water stuff in my mouth. But Mommy always says that not everything is Tuna Flavored. (Since WHEN, I ask you, my fellow Catsters?) Mommy said that stuff was medicine to make me feel better, but I begged to differ.

A couple weeks later, she took me back to the Vegetarian. By then, my toofs felt better. I didn't think I would have to go back so soon. But Mommy left me there alone with the Vegetarian, and I went to sleep. When I woke up, one of my toofs was missing, and Mommy wasn't there!

She did come back for me, and the Vegetarian told her that I was a good boy until that Anaestesia stuff wore off...whatever that means. Then he told on me for hissing at everyone.

At least I got good presents. Mommy asked the Vegetarian to save my tooth because the Tooth Fairy wanted to visit me. She brought me a nice catnip mouse. Yummy!

But now, Mommy has been putting this goop on my toofs, and tonight she did it again!!!! This stuff is just nasty. It gets all over my mouth and whiskers. Mommy said that now she understands why human parents always say, "Take care of your teeth because I paid enough for them..."

Mommy said the moral of this story is that all good Cat Moms and Dads should BRUSH their cats' TEETH so that they don't have to go through what we went through. I just say RUN if your Mommy gets out the tooth goop.

Meow for now...
Felix

Introducing myself

Meow...

Mommy and I are new to Catster, and we'd like to say, "Hello!"

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Felix, and I'm 12-years old. And I have quite an interesting life.

I'm well-traveled, as Mommy used to take me all over the United States with her. (Not so much anymore, though, now that I'm getting older.) I adore fine dining, including French cat food that Mommy smuggles home from Paris.

But perhaps my greatest love in life is Broadway star Patti Lupone. There's just something about her voice that just lures me out from under the bed every time. If you go to her website, you'll see that I wrote to her over the summer--and that she wrote back!

As for right now, I'm all curled up in my bed, waiting for Mommy to come home from work. In fact, I think I'll take a nap!

Zzzzzzzzz...
Felix