July 8th 2008 6:21 pm
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I’ve been tagged by Contessa Carlotta De Cremona (Cooper’s cute little niece) to list six things I don't like.
Things that make me grumpy…
1. Being on a diet. I hate when I finish my food and my brothers and sister are still eating. H. says I eat too fast. This may be somewhat true but I’ve seen the plates—they’re getting 1/3 to 1/2 more food than I am! I don’t care if it’s for my own good and that H. and A. don’t want me to get diabetes or arthritis. I want more food!
2. When my brothers try to clean me. I clean them, but they are NOT allowed to clean me. They have icky boy breath!
3. Getting my claws trimmed. My brother Elvin doesn’t mind it and even purrs sometimes when he gets his claws trimmed. Can you believe him?!
4. Not getting dried salmon treats whenever I want them. Whenever H. is in the kitchen washing dishes, I walk in and meow to let her know what’s what. She knows what I want, but she always plays dumb—saying things like, “Hi Hilda, did you come in to keep me company?” (One thing I do like is that my male human is a softie. All I have to do is meow sweetly and give him a sad look. He can never resist!)
5. Not getting to plop on the laptop when it’s open anymore. H. said something about malfunctioning q, p, and w keys. They probably just need me to plop on them again to fix them!
6. The vacuum. It’s always so very loud and angry! It has a bad attitude and I don’t like it!
I’m tagging the following cats:
1. Snowie
2. Nabi
3. Moose
4. Victor Gibbs
5. Zelda Lucia Dora aka Big Mabel
6. Miss Casey Sachs
May 24th 2007 8:13 am
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I’ve been tagged by Samoa to participate in a meme.
THE RULES: Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Cats who are tagged write in their own diary about their seven random facts. You need to choose seven cats to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment that they have been tagged and to read your diary.
Seven random facts about ME:
1. I hate to be picked up or have my claws trimmed. I rarely sit on laps, although I will occasionally consent to sleeping on H.’s lap or on her chest when she is in bed at night—just often enough to give her hope but spaced out enough to remind her that my presence is an honor (my brother Elvin hasn’t figured this one out yet—he’s ALWAYS trying to sit on H.’s lap or sleep on her chest at night).
2. Although my voluptuous figure hides this fact rather well, I am the most active cat in the family. I love to play the “Somebody Chase Me” game a couple of times a day. This consists of meowing and then wildly running up and down the hallway to try and get one of my siblings to chase me. They rarely take the bait, though.
3. When I am able to get one of my siblings to chase me, it is usually Elvin. Since Elvin rarely cleans himself, I have to interrupt the game to give him a bath (I can’t play with a dirty cat!) and then I’m too exhausted after that to play anymore.
4. I allow Garp to be my catbed tester. Once he finds one that is comfortable, I will lay on top of him in the bed until he leaves. Sometimes when he is being especially stubborn, he will refuse to move. I don’t mind; I can sleep just fine with him underneath me.
5. I like to stroll around the house with Squeeker [ie, squeaky mouse] in my mouth after H. & A. are in bed. I sing Squeeker a sad, droning song while I am walking him. Sometimes these walks occur when H. & A. are still awake; other times, I like to stroll at 2 or 3 am. My serenades are not appreciated by my humans at those hours.
6. When visitors arrive, I feel the sudden need to inspect A.’s closet or under the bed. The inspection doesn’t end until the visitors have left the house.
7. Even though I don’t update my diary as frequently as I would like, I enjoy reading other Catster diaries every day!
I’m tagging the following seven cats (like me, some of these haven't written in their diaries in awhile [one hasn't written any entries yet] but I'm hoping they might enjoy a game of tag):
1. Snowie
2. Zelda Lucia Dora
3. Todd
4. Isis
5. Miss Casey Sachs
6. Hunny
7. Raimi Cyan Rayfield
January 12th 2007 2:00 pm
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After returning from my weekend stay at the vet office, I created a fabulous diary entry. The best one ever. Good enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Three days later I reread it and couldn’t understand a word of it. Elvin’s claims that the humans drugged me are proving true.
That might explain why I challenged my sister Hetty Miep to a thumb wrestling contest when we don’t even have thumbs. Anyway, Hetty Miep is mad at me now for backing out of the contest. She was apparently working on getting sponsors and finding a venue for the big event. Sometimes she really scares me.
As reality sets in, I realize that I now have a large patch of hair missing on my side from the pain patch, and I no longer have any hair on my backside (as in not even one tiny little tuft of fur). It’s like I’m walking around naked.
July 27th 2006 7:39 pm
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I see on Catster's Diary Central page that I am "active." H. and A. are always encouraging me to exercise more (although H. is very senstive about anyone calling me hefty, large, overweight, or *shudder* fat!). I hadn't realized that being on Catster counts as a form of exercise. What a relief! Chasing (or rather, strolling) after those balls can really get exhausting.
H.,
You better get some more salmon treats out for me. I'm going to need more protein to keep up with all of this exercise.
July 25th 2006 6:28 pm
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Well, the entourage didn't work act as I'd hoped it would. For starters, Elvin didn't make reservations at the Spa like I'd instructed him to do. Instead, Hetty Miep and I ended up going to visit Aunt Dr. O (ie, the V-E-T)!! Then Hetty Miep's evil twin came out and she terrorized everyone (including Aunt Dr. O.). Later, Garp pushed me out of the way and ate my food.
So I had to let them all go.
I waited until after dinner and then dropped the bomb: "You're all FIRED!!" I shouted.
Elvin and Garp just walked away. Hetty Miep licked the empty food bowls. They did a pretty good job of covering what must have been a devastating blow.
That just leaves me with my normal entourage: A. and H. I have to share them with my siblings but they've proven to be reliable. And they pay ME!
July 16th 2006 8:52 am
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It's official--I'm famous! I'm sure that's what all of those phone calls and emails this morning were about. Most likely reporters wanting to know what my next step is now that I've been named a daily diary pick. For starters, I will be going for a spa tomorrow evening instead of visiting Aunt Dr. O. Apparently my sister Hetty Miep will still be coming along too. I really didn't want her to come along (everything tends to be about Hetty Miep when she's around) but I guess it's good to remember the little people when you get famous (something about it "keeping me grounded").
Hmm, that reminds me: I'm going to need some more members for my entourage. Of course, I'll have H. and A. to clean out my litter box and feed me. And I'll have to include my brothers so that they don't write some tell-all book or sell info. to the gossip rags. But I'm going to need some other individuals to perform those special star-worthy tasks for me: providing me full body massages, feeding me individual salmon treats, brushing my luxurious locks, provocatively dangling Squeeker in front of me, chasing Squeeker for me when I get exicted. Whew! The list goes on and on. I hadn't realized how tiring being a star is!
July 13th 2006 7:13 am
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My brother Elvin, who also had a tooth extrated several months ago, has informed me that a tooth fairy didn't take my tooth (as H. told me). No, it is much more sinister. He says that Aunt Dr. O. is selling our teeth on Ebay! Hetty Miep rolled her eyes when he told me this.
I went on Ebay to try and buy it back but I can't find it. Darn! Now what am I going to do with all of that velcro that I asked H. to get for me from the craft store?
In other news, the generous food rations have dried up. Sure, I still get what my humans call "junk food" (Note from H.: this would be cat food that has a lot of by-products and corn meal listed as the main ingredients) but they are giving me much smaller portions! I heard H. talking on the phone to Aunt Dr. O.: "You mentioned that I should give Hilda whatever she wants to eat to make sure she eats, but I forgot to ask you if we should let her have as much food as she wants to eat. Oh. Uh, okay."
When she got off the phone, H. told me she had messed up and that she wasn't supposed to give me as much as I wanted to eat. I don't understand that. If a little is good, then a lot should be better!
July 10th 2006 5:38 pm
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My humans got good news today: my test came back and no cancer was detected from the scraping! I apparently have some strange bacteria in my mouth but I am otherwise healthy. I have heard faint rumblings, though, of having to go back to the v-e-t on Monday to find out if my steroid shots are working or if I need an antibiotic too. Since Hetty Miep has developed an evil twin that is worse than Elvin’s, my humans are planning on taking her with us. She doesn’t seem to mind going to the vet, she just hates the smell on other cats when she doesn’t go. We’ll see how she does. I’m still scared—she was really mean to me.
She’s better now, but yesterday she kept hissing at me when she smelled my mouth. H. told me: “Head up, chin down, Hilda. Hold your head up to show Hetty Miep you aren’t afraid of her; but when she gets close to your mouth, keep your chin down so she can’t smell it.”
Whenever she gets near me now, I do a 180 or tuck my chin in. Whew!
July 9th 2006 5:10 pm
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My humans and I are in limbo regarding my condition. I went in Thursday (H. moved my appt. up a day because she was worried about me). Later that day, the v-e-t called H. to say she is worried about me. Apparently she found another lesion on my tongue when she cleaned my teeth. She is worried that I may have oral cancer. We will not find out the results from the lab tests until Monday or Tuesday. The v-e-t said that if I have oral cancer, there is not much (other than pain control via steroids) that they can do about it and that the cancer spreads fast and will eventually cause me enough pain to quit eating. My female human used the internet to read as much as she could about oral cancer. What she read scared her quite a bit. She has been making sure to spend extra time with me.
Somewhat good new: The v-e-t told my humans that it is important for hefty (!) girls like me to eat or else we run into liver problems and that my humans should give me anything I want! Woo hoo!! My humans have gotten me different flavors of all of the “junk food” that they don’t normally like for me to eat. So far, I have shown a willingness to eat the dry foods and my salmon treats. I enjoy poultry flavored dry food the most.
Surprising news: Elvin’s Evil Twin only stayed around for ~one day. I guess it was bored and had better things to do. Unfortunately, it has been replaced by Hetty Miep’s evil twin (who is a lot meaner—it could really kick EET’s bottom!).
July 2nd 2006 6:07 pm
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As I suspected, my trip to the v-e-t involved me getting poked and insulted! My v-e-t said my bloodwork looked good except for one elevated liver level, which isn't uncommon for "hefty" cats. She also said that the flaky skin on my back was common for "hefty" girls because we can't reach that area as well. "Hefty" indeed! I have no idea who she was talking about (probably my brother Elvin). I am not hefty; I am lovely and voluptuous. And how is calling me "hefty" going to make me want to eat more?
To add injury to insult, I have to go back next week to have my teeth cleaned and give a donation of cells from a small lesion on my tongue. When I went in for my yearly pokes a couple of months ago, my v-e-t first noticed a small discoloration on the side of my tongue. She thinks it has grown larger since then and that it might be an ulcer, a viral sore, or a weird condition where the body produces extra (benign) cells. She has to send my donated cells to some other place that does mysterious things to it that I don't quite understand.
Elvin was horrible to me when I came home. As usual, his evil twin came out as soon as he started sniffing me. He turned into a real meanie and even growled at H. That earned him a trip to "lockdown" (ie, the study, which is my favorite place to sleep!). The evil twin departed sometime after lunch today (good riddance!) but I'm sure he'll be back next week.
*sigh*
June 29th 2006 7:12 pm
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Lately I’ve been rather blah. It started about a month ago. First I lost my love for my precious wet food. H. said, “Hilda, it’s your favorite—venison and green peas. Don’t you want any.”
“I would prefer not to,” I told her.
Then I started eating less of my dry food and getting sick after I ate it. This was followed by a visit to the v-e-t, who said my teeth looked fine (my female human had convinced herself that it looked like I was in pain when I chewed my food).
I quit getting sick but I still wasn’t eating all of my dry food. Sometimes, I would force my brother Garp away from his dish and eat his food instead. My humans bought me a new food dish. “Hilda, don’t you want to eat out of your pretty new dish? It matches your eyes.”
“I would prefer not to,” I told her. But my pig brother Elvin did!
Now I’ve heard a rumor that I have to go back to the v-e-t tomorrow to “donate” blood!
I would prefer not to!!
March 26th 2006 5:51 pm
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Okay, it was funny when it happened to Elvin but it’s not so funny anymore.
Today, while grooming myself, I noticed that my beautiful curly right eyebrow whiskers were gone! She is denying it, but I know Miep ate them.
Scarface, where are you when I need you?
March 21st 2006 6:42 pm
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I found out from my good friend Monkey that I am a “white chocolate kitty flavored cookie”! I always knew I tasted good but I never could identify my yummy flavor. Monkey has it right, though—it is white chocolate! Now maybe my humans will understand why I’m always grooming myself. Wouldn’t you if you tasted like white chocolate?
In other news: my vet revealed that I, Hildegarde, am the slasher of my own face ("Hmm...same place every time, eh? And the cats are never violent enough with each other to draw blood?" After she said it a couple of times, it finally dawned on my humans. They are nice but not especially quick.)
I don't completely understand why I do it myself. It’s like I become another Hilda. One minute I’m sitting in the sun. The next minute, a dark cloud passes over the window, and before I realize it, I’ve slashed my own face and I’m no longer Hilda. Instead, I’m SCARFACE. And nobody better mess with Scarface!
August 7th 2005 3:52 pm
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Last night, A. announced to the entire house that I was using the litterbox. That's my business!
I don't go around alerting everyone when A. is using his litterbox!
July 30th 2005 7:47 am
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I am Scarface again.
I haven't revealed who caused the scratch on my face. The matter is under investigation by H. She asked A. who he thought did it. Based on a formula of 62 + 71 - x, he determined that Elvin is the culprit. H. checked Miep and Elvin's claws on the night that it happened but she didn't find any clues. Nevertheless, they are suspected and have been warned not to leave the premises until the investigation is complete. I could tell H. and A. who did it but I'm no squealer!
Last night I got in trouble for eating the sisal bits off of my scratching post. I couldn't help it. It tasted so good. H. grabbed me and said that she was going to "squeeze the badness out of me" and "exorcise" my "evil ways". This is apparently done by hugging me. I hate hugs! A. said that the evil probably just flew into Elvin's body when it left mine.
July 19th 2005 6:34 am
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After my dilute calico markings became more prominent, H. researched the calico breed a bit on the internet. Apparently calicos can be any breed (or combination of breeds) and exist with both long and short hair. The term "calico" refers to color markings rather than breed. The standard calico has black, orange, and white markings. The dilute calico, which is more rare, has gray, cream, and white markings (diluted colors of the standard calico). I love being a dilute calico!
June 13th 2005 8:23 am
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I found a wonderful new toy last week when H. was cleaning out the litterboxes. She ripped the string off of the top of the cat litter and as the string (and some of the paper) drifted to the floor, I ran off with it. H. ran after me to make sure I didn't eat it (silly H.!). Then she dangled it in the air for me to jump at. I'm very good at standing on my hind legs while I bite at it. I like to sing a little song while I am playing with it too. I'm not greedy (like Miep); I share my new toy with my siblings (although I have been known to land on their heads while I am playing with it). H. will only let me play with it when she is around, though. I guess she's afraid that I'll get too excited and eat my new toy.
June 1st 2005 1:34 pm
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I have a new dance. I call it the "plopsy". I like to lay on the laptop when H. is using it. It's so very warm, and I'm in the perfect spot for H. to admire my beauty. At first, I was content to occassionally stroll across the laptop. H. put a halt on this activity when the "p" key started sticking. Then, I started laying on the top left corner of the laptop. Next thing you know, H. is complaining that the "q" key was sticking, so she started putting her hand underneath me when I would lay on the laptop. I heard her complain that her hand was falling asleep underneath the weight (what can I say--I have very heavy fur). That didn't stop me. Now the space bar is apparently sticking. I don't know why these humans selected such a faulty machine--keys breaking left and right! H. has become more aggressive about keeping me off of the laptop, so I've had to up the dose of cuteness. Now when I jump up by the laptop, I plop down at the very outer edge of the laptop. After H. places her hand underneath me, I get up and plop down on more of the laptop. I keep doing this until I cover as much of the keyboard as possible. H. is finally catching onto the dance, though. Last night, she told A., "Hilda's doing the plopsy!"
May 11th 2005 6:30 am
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As many humans know, cats have much better hearing than humans. So why does my A. think he can whisper and I won't hear him? H. has even told him that he doesn't know how to whisper (comment from H.: his whisper is as soft as a braying mule). So last night, when he pointed at me and told H. that that I'm "getting fat again", of course I heard him. How mean can you get! Luckily, H. pointed out that it only looks like I'm gaining weight because the loose skin on my stomach is more prominent (from my weight loss!). She also pointed out that because Hetty Miep is so small, I look larger in comparison--like looking at an orange next to a grape. Of course the orange looks huge!
In other news, H. killed Squeeker III this morning. She threw it too hard (it's a mouse not a football, H.!) and it wouldn't quit squeeking. Then she tried to sneak off with it and I yelled at her. Luckily, she had Squeeker IV waiting in the special toy cabinet.
May 3rd 2005 5:59 pm
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I’m feeling very sad right now. I just found out that my friend Patrick passed away yesterday. I'll really miss reading his diaries. I loved finding out about his secret caves and the songs that his mom would sing to him.
Goodby, Patrick! I hope you have a grand time with your little doggie friend. The two of you will probably come up with some great songs about your adventures!
April 30th 2005 7:55 am
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The other day, my special little friend Squeeker Mouse III became very ill. It started out slowly: a litle rip in Squeeker's back seam. After a couple of days, I could plainly see Squeeker's hard black insides. Then, Squeeker III's insides fell outside! It was horrible (like reliving Squeeker I's death all over again). I was afraid H. would try to throw Squeeer III away like she did with Squeeker I, so I sat on Squeeker III to protect him. H. promised that she wouldn't hurt Squeeks, though.
I watched her perform the surgery on Squeeks. It was touch and go for a couple of minutes, but now Squeeker III is back to normal. H. said I made a good little nurse. I'm making sure to exercise Squeeker III regularly. He needs his physical therapy.
March 18th 2005 6:39 am
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This morning, H. broke Squeeker II! It's bad enough that she threw Squeeker I away (after I spent months killing Squeeker I, H. said that Squeeker I's stuffing was coming out and that it was time to retire him). I guess H. was too rough when she threw Squeeker II because it wouldn't quit squeeking! I didn't know what to do with it--normally it only squeeks when I put it in my mouth or bat at it with my paw. I slowly backed away from it. I thought if I just gave it some time, it would return to normal.
I caught H. sneaking out of the house with Squeeker II (still squeeking away within her clenched fist) and I gave her an earful. She gave me another squeeker mouse (Squeeker III), but it's not really the same. If H. wanted her own Squeeker mouse to play with, why couldn't she take Squeeker III?
March 16th 2005 11:48 am
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My brother, Elvin, gave me pimples. I know because my female human took me to the vet yesterday. It's very embarrassing to have pimples at my age--only kittens are supposed to get pimples! It's a relief to know that it's not cancer, though. My female human had worked herself up into such a frenzy (too much web surfing on the subject) that even I was conviced that I had cancer on my chin. Now she insists on rubbing some smelly ointment on my chin every morning and evening. I don't mind, though, because I get a special treat afterwards and Elvin doesn't get any. Elvin has also caused problems for Garp, but I'll let Garp write about that if he wants to.
March 4th 2005 12:29 pm
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This new sister of mine has turned out not to be so bad after all. She looks a little like me (although not as cute), her name (Hetty) sounds a little like my nickname (Hildy), and, best of all, she's taught me how to use the new laptop! I think H. and A. are on to us, though. They've complained about finding our cat hair between the keys. They don't appreciate how tough it is to type when you don't have fingers. Why are those keys so small?!
February 2nd 2005 7:14 am
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H. and I got in a bit of a tiff this morning. I thought I finally had her trained not to sing/scream those strange little things that seem to amuse her at odd times (for no apparent reason). Then this morning, as soon as she came upstairs, she started droning "888. 888. 888" over and over. She wouldn't stop, and she kept getting louder each time she said it. I didn't want it to be another "Ahoy, Matey!" or "Shiver me timbers!" incident so I ran over to her, balanced on my hind legs, and placed my front paws on her thighs. "Okay, Hilda. Don't nip me!" she said. Then she shut up. But I still had all of that fury inside of me, so I tried to nip Garp on the neck when he passed by me. He's taller than me, though, so I wasn't able to connect. He gave me a dirty look and said, "Get off of me, girlie."
H. went and complained to A. that I never let her chant any of her ditties anymore. "What was that 888 business all about anyway?" A. asked.
H. said, "Oh, I needed to record a purchase for $8.88 in the checkbook and I was trying to remind myself. I might have gotten a little carried away."
January 20th 2005 1:05 pm
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Yesterday, H. took Garp & Elvin to the vet for shots. At first I was scared and upset--I didn't understand where she had taken the boys. After a few minutes, though, I realized how great it was to be an only cat. I didn't have to kick Garp out the bed that I wanted to sleep in, and I didn't have to hide my toys. I was really enjoying the peace and quiet and then THEY came back and they smelled weird!
Heather even brought me back a special little catnip treat. So it ended up being a pretty good day. It would have been a great day if H. and A. hadn't insisted on keeping me on that stupid diet.
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