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A Lion's Memoirs

Night of the Living Shred

I guess my new house is OK. Lambert and I have become friends I guess...we alternate between wrestling and giving each other baths. He gets those hard-to-reach places like behind my ears and under my neck, so he's not so bad.
But I'm sad that I don't get to go outside. In Black Forest, I was allowed to go out for a few hours each day. My mom didn't really like it, because her other cats, Chomp and Kia, recently got eaten by wild animals, and her old cat, Alex P. Keaton, also disappeared in the woods a couple of years ago.
But, I'm an independent lion; top of the food chain, so i don't understand why I can't go outside!!! She says I might get hit by a car, but she obviously hasn't seen my Meowtrix or Ninja skills. I studied Marshal Arts for years under the instruction of the greatest masters. I can dodge those cars!
My mom and dad took me out into the backyard last week, and let me tell you; it was the greatest day I've had in a while. I know my mom feels really guilty for keeping me inside, and she should! I'm a wild cat, I love to roll in the dirt and climb trees. Ever since that day, I've been meowing up a storm in the wee hours of the morning in hopes she'll let me out again. So now she is faced with this dilemma: The more often she takes me outside, the more I'll meow in the mornings to get out. But she feels bad never taking me outside.
And what is the deal with my toy mice getting caught under the couch? It's like it happens all the time. I play with it for like 5 minutes and all of a sudden, before I know what happened, it's under the couch. Then I just stare at it until my humans lift the couch up. I COULD lift it, but that's not my job. I was a body builder for several years, even won the Strong Cat competition back in the day.

Moving to the city

So my mom got a job in Denver and got a new house. I'll be moving there this weekend. The problem: her boyfriend's cat, Lambert (son of Chomp), is also moving in. I thought this bloody living-with-other-cats thing was temporary. I want to be the Big Cheese again, the bloke of the house. I know I will be head of household and all, but still, I wanted my mom all to myself. Hmph. oh well, she says I can go in the backyard with her when she's out there, and at least there I don't have to worry about coyotes and foxes. But I'm not allowed to go out alone because I might go in the street. Well off to groom myself and take a nap.

Bloody Dogs--Blech!

Dear Diary,
For some reason, there is yet another dog at my house now. He has a squished up face and his name is Winston. They say he is a shihtzu and that he will only be here temporarily, because his owner just died. When I saw him, my hair stood up on end! AND then the uncivilized creature went number two right in the middle of the living room! I can't live like this. I hope he leaves soon.
At least my mom bought me a treat today, it was a Special Kitty Turkey in Gravy dinner. But it still doesn't make up for the zoo around here!`