Onyx's Corner

Lymphoma Journey, Star Date 17: I Can See the End of the- Galaxy

April 17th 2011 2:41 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 9 people already have ]

Friends, I am near the end of my journey. Most probably I will go into hyper-drive tomorrow and join my brother Patch and my many friends at the bridge.

It has become clear to Mom and Dad and my vet that my condition is deteriorating badly. I can no longer see, nor can I hear. Mom thinks it is likely that I can't smell either. I don't follow a moving finger, and my pupils don't react to light. I don't respond to loud noises.

Last night Mom confined me to the hall bath so she could monitor my litter box use. She left three dishes of food, one of water and a litter box. This morning the food dishes were all empty. Mom suspects I found the food only by Brownian movement, because I pace constantly now unless I'm asleep. The water dish had been spilled. I did pee and poop, but not in the litter box. Mom thinks I just couldn't find it.

An emergency conference with the vet suggested this: my lymphoma has entered my brain, or I have suffered a stroke, or both. Either way, the prognosis doesn't look so good for staying here with my furmily. Kitties can recover from strokes, just as people can, my vet says, but it is a slow process. I am not able to take any more chemo, so it is unlikely that I would survive the lymphoma long enough to recover from the stroke, assuming I didn't suffer yet another one.

This is all too complicated for me. I am going to go sleep on my favorite futon.

**
Addendum from Onyx's mom: We are heartbroken at this turn of events, but we can't allow our girl to suffer any more. Onyx did get a little more good-quality life after her diagnosis. She tolerated the chemo reasonably well from November through mid-February, and we had many snuggly, purr-filled times.

I always loved the way she looked up expectantly at mealtime with her big, round sparkly eyes. I promised her as an adopted, underfed farm kitten that she would never be hungry again (maybe I should have named her Scarlett). It has been agonizing to see her starting to waste away, starving but unable to eat, resisting our attempts to keep her with us through assisted feedings. It is agonizing to see her pace through the house, shakily, with her hind legs buckling often, and cry for something we cannot give her: her old, healthy life back.

She is sleeping on the futon now, as I write. When I reach down to pet her, she does not respond. She is exhausted. I hope she can feel my hand. I hope she can feel my tears falling on her fur. This is really, really hard.

 
 

Leave A Comment | 9 people already have

Purred by: Miss Mittens - Angel DG #14 (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 3:10 pm

Onyx, this is very painful news not only for your family but for your friends too. My mommy is crying as she reads it. We understand how unbearable it is for your mommy to watch you deteriorate and know how much you must be suffering. It's clearly your time to say goodbye to your earthly family and join us here at the Bridge. Your mommy knows it's your time and is being very loving, compassionate and courageous to let you go. I'll be right by your side, next to your brother Patch and your other angel friends, as you make your journey and we'll be here to welcome you. Godspeed Onyx and may be you have a peaceful journey.

Sending lots of love and hugs to your mommy. Our thoughts are with her.

Love & hugs,
Miss Mittens & family
Purred by: Gumpy Sweet Boy (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 5:10 pm

Oh Onyx, this is heartbreaking to read. We're so sorry your condition has deteriorated so. Your parents have done so much for you ~ it's an inspiration. We are sending all the purrs we can for you and your wonderful pawrents.

Hugs, love & purrs,
Gump & family
Purred by: Misha Angel (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 5:16 pm

Oh my gosh Onyx, Molly and I are sooo sorry to hear this. My mum knows what it like because of how sick I got too. Your mom has tried so very hard for you because she loves you so much. My mum sends your mom hugs. Onyx, I will be waiting for you with the other angels.
Love,
Misha,Molly and their mom
Purred by: Tyler - Mr. Boombastic Angel (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 5:30 pm

Onyx, I am close by you and will be there to take your paw once you step foot on the glorious Rainbow Bridge, along with your many angel friends. The tenth life means you will always be with her, in her heart and soul. Many hugs from my mum to yours xxx
Purred by: Queen Tallulah Angel Dreamgirl (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 8:45 pm

I am here waiting for your journey, all of us catster angels will greet you with open paws and wings...

From QT's Mom...I am sorry to hear about Onyx, we know this is a very difficult time for you but know we are here for you as you let your sweet girl go...I know because I had to go through it too and it isn't easy...but knowing I could turn to my cat friends Moms helps in so many way...

You are in my thoughts and prayers....

Hugs from me and my fur babies.

QT and Peggy
Purred by: Freckles (1993-2011) (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 10:20 pm

Minxy and I are waiting to greet you at the bridge and we're sending healing purrs to your mum too, purrs Freckles
Purred by: Peaches - 1988-2007 (Catster Member)

April 17th 2011 at 11:44 pm

Huge purrs and prayers for you and your family during this really tough time.
Love,
Peaches & family
Purred by: Natalie the Natcat, Forever (Catster Member)

April 18th 2011 at 4:01 am

Dear Onxy's mommy,
We are their guardians and friends for such a short time. I know how much this hurts you, but please know that you did a wonderful thing, and that you have given Onyx so much love and care and good food and fun and companionship-and that is something that will never go away. As my husband sat with Louie last week on his lap, the vet said to him 'I'm so sorry...but crossing into the next world being loved, snuggled, held, having had years of being loved and cared for...that says something.'
I'm so sorry, and please know that our thoughts and a lovely pink candle in front of Bast will be lit later today for you and your girl. You are wonderful, and so is she.

With tears and love and lots and lots of purrs from the Kew Gardens cats, and virtual hugs from their mom and dad.
Purred by: Dice(01-08)Rest In Peace (Catster Member)

April 18th 2011 at 6:45 am

Purring for you and your Mom and Dad.
We along with all the other angels will be waiting for you at the Bridge when you are ready to take your journey.

Dice,
Wriggley, and Bunka


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