January 15th 2013 11:23 am
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I am so happy that there is a Newcat living safe with Mommy and Daddy. I know that as I sit here and purr, that Newcat is snoozing on a pillow, safe and even if a little afraid, going to florish with love.
Awhile back, something happened that hurt Mommy-who is really unhurtable. She's worked in rescue a very long time, worked for a no kill shelter for 15 years before that, as she began to get into rescue, because she felt that there is no such thing as 'unadoptable'.
Mommy and Daddy were talking about me the other night. Daddy and Mommy were discussing when I'd come back. Mommy grew thoughtful. 'She may. But you know, I have a feeling we had our full cycle together. Bella and me...and then you, too. She had a life that was what she wanted, I think. She did what she set out to do'.
Mommy and Daddy were quiet. And then Mommy smiled. "I thought it would hurt more when we came home. I miss her. But there is a feeling of fullness....she had a wonderous life, and a loving and gentle passing. She was ready-her body was no longer her vechile, and so she left it, leaping up and over.
I miss Bella. But it's so clear that her journey lay elsewhere-and that was ok."
I purred softly to Mommy and Daddy. And I watched as a new fur, rescued from death before his time, with wonderous life and adventures head of him, curles up into a relaxed and relieved sleep in a quiet room, with only Natalie's snores...and the thunder of the elevated line a few feet away-to disturb him.
Do we, spirits of so many colors, not take on our earthly forms, or purr in comfort and love for our people? Of course we do. We trot across keyboards, we, when needed, marshall rescources to draw to us a million points of light and materialize for a few moments into the dimension we hurtled out of, to crash into it again, dive through that moist air and stretch out to scoop another feline to safety....
We turn and purr at our person's shoulder, willing them with who and what we are to Know.
We form a bond that is beyond the physical, and we, as Felines, with our Knowing, move back and forth between worlds, messnegers, Guides. We Are.
We heal. We protect, we cast out our psyche across the distance to others with perked ears and purrs, and whisper 'trust miracles do occur'. We do this, for as Felines, we Are.
And if you doubt, lift that kitten to your heart, or the Elderwise cat that has regarded you when sleeping, with a lovely 'Rrrt?' or the cat, lolling on the cat tree, staring into the Beyond.
We are here.
And when the time is right....the urge to strong, the need to great...
We don once again fur that is brushed and burnished by sun and mooon...
We leap high...
And arrive, as we left, with mischief and love, and always, always light.
for we are the Mystery of Cat
December 19th 2012 7:41 am
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Dear Furs and Folks, Mommy and Daddy, and our Mommy's friend Deb who's dad joined us at Rainbow yesterday:
Many people wonder why there are so many passings this time of year. As I sit here, purring, having had a wonderful breakfast, and a romp around with some friends, and my son Tiger, who's here with me, I can only say this:
I'm so sorry that there have been so many passings. As I sit up on my hind legs and greet Angel Timmy, as I wander down a soft grassy path to laze in the morning sun, I greet Queen T and then say hello to the folks who have come wandering up to spend time with us all...and I see doggies, too, who don't chase us, and well, so many others.
And Calvin, that wonderful Orangie cat leaps up into the crook of an apple tree and gazes out into Forever. And then he says:
Oh Bella-what can we say or send to our folks to let them know we are all ok? That sadness, that is, is but a chance for a new little life to spring anew, for a being who's ready to return, and in that circle of wonder, begin again...another lesson, another promise, another gift from the beyond.
The sadness-it passes. We leave a legacy of kindess, we leave memories, but we live. If we could only reach out a paw and tap their shoulders...but we leave a legacy, my friend.
There is sometmes no sense to the chaos, Bella that happens-the pain folks experience. But there is always, always kindness that balances, for we come and go to learn lessons and have fun in doing it...some may be painful, and some may pain our folks, and other folks.
But the true meaning of 'Angel' Bella?
An Angel is so alive-we reach out to meow in our people's ears, we fly with grace to land before a grieving family, to escort a small child to family just the other side of this 'veil' that is no veil, that one can brush back with a mere flick of a whisker, or wistful sigh. And I watch the little children grab hands, and swing up into arms and be greeted by those who been waiting, who may grieve for those still beyond, but who will tell them 'welcome, and what have you learned? And you'll soon return to gaze again up with wonder and love...for you, and I, and all of us...are love.'
Calvin leaps down, his lovely coat shinging.
We walk, a group of us, to a place where people and all creatures are decorating Evergreens, and a feast of wonderful food is being laid out, and children w ho are yet children race around with dogs bounding and cats weaving between their feet...and there is a feeling of warmth, and joy.
And I connect to my Mom. Who whispers to me in her heart 'I love you, Beasel Weast. Thank you for the Gift of You. Thank you for being My Guide, my Strength and my Love. Thank you. You were the Start of it All, Bella. You started Rescue.
And I whisper to my Mom "I love you-and we'll be together forever-I fly just slightly above, and if a cat could smile and laugh, I would. For all, my dear purrson, is as it should be.'
And Calvin and Boxie and Tigger, and Simba and Skye, Ethan, any so many others have come to join us, and as we launch ourselves up, up, up into the clouds, a rainbow appears and begins to send down tendrils of bright dancing light, and stretches way out over the Earth...and past....
And we purr and sing in cat as only we can....
May your days be Merry and Bright.......
love and light from Rainbow and beyond....
Bella and Guides
October 17th 2012 10:24 am
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Dear Mommy, Daddy, Furs, and their Folks,
I wanted to send this to my Mom and Dad, but also to all of you, folks, who's furrs purr in their hearts. There are some of us up here at the Bridge, who have been awhile, and some who are newly come. Some of you reside in lovely form with your pawrents, and gaze up in wonder at Antares, the Brightest star in the Night sky, and purrr and wrrrrt? in wonder, telling your pawrents that all is well, no matter how recent the loss of a feline sibling...for such are we, magikal cats who have flown far and wide to bequest our love and light to those still in need.
I love you. I am now at the Bridge 3 weeks. It does not seem so very long, and time here is different, but then, as cats, time has always run differently. I do miss you, but I know you are strong, and in my legacy I have left a certain magick...
I watch as you reach out to others, cats who are in need, and others who are struggling with helping furs. I know your heartbreak as you wish you could save more, and spread the word about Spaying and Neutering, Fostering, and Adopting. I know your love of those in the Clowder, and your worrry for them. But don't worry Mommy and Daddy....
In the words of Ruffy: Trust that Miracles Do Occur...
As I trot over to the meadow, I touch noses to a kitten newly arrived from the same palce. "I miss my momma' this kitten mews to me. And I purr and curl around the mite. "All is well young one. For you won't be gone long...you will find heart and home again, I promise you that."
And the little mite gazes up at me with wide eyes. "How do you know? Are you a Momma Cat? Don't you miss your people?"
"Oh little snugglefur, so much so. I miss them, but you see, I know they are fine...they are on a mission...as am I. And I can tell you that I know you will return as I have done so before...this is not the end of the Rainbow little one, but simply the beginning. You gain wisdom and rest, and more magick each time you make that journey. As do they."
The little one was kneading now. "Can I go home to them now?"
I nosed this kitten gently. "Very soon....the portal will open-the gauzy veil drops,and you plunge through it, playing chase with others on similar flight, you find your way by following your heart...and then...
you are home."
Purrs roll out of the kitten and together we watch a small group of butterflies dancing around the daisies in the meadow, and I watch Big Harry and Calvin and Buddie teaching new kits to send out magickal messages-and they are in ways our people will understand. I nudge the kitten by my side and together we watch, and a feeling of happiness comes over me.
"We really go back?" the little asks drowsily? "To our Momma's and Dads?"
And I feel the chord that connects me to my Mom and Dad...and I whisper as only a cat cat....
"I assure you it's so....when the time is right...the Universe will let you know...and you'll be sung home to them.
"Can I do anything now to tell them I love them?"
I gazed up at the butterflies...'Your emmisarries...whisper it to them, and they will tell your Momma you love her-though she knows."
And the Kitten sat up and whispered something to a pretty yellow butterfly who danced up and out towards the forever summer breezes....
and I curled around the new one, and purred for my Clowder...and knew in my heart, that no matter the challenges, all is well.
with love from Rainbow...
October 10th 2012 11:52 am
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I'm sometimes sad,
I miss your endless grace
A delicate feline
with white and grey face
You were Turkish Angora
Yet found on the street
A dainty fey puzzle
with small furry feet
You had a long life,
Of love faith and wonder
What miracle, Bella, did we live under
And you were the first
You started it all
A Cat with green eyes
If I can recall
You're my inspiration
My familar it's true
You, my kitty fey spirit
You were just you
You walked in the door
You were meant to stay
You weaved our spirits together
They're together today
You were an Emmisary of love
Of hope and of faith
You're part of my Self
You were always great
And so the cats come,
Shy fosters and more
You pushed open the way
You led through the door
Ruffy and Smokie, Prinny, and Nat
CK and fosters
All the magick of Cat
A Turkish Angora
Who slept on Daddy at night
Purring through all
You made it all right.
I remember your play,
I remember the way
You would stretch out in sun puddles
Though most of the day
I remember you chasing
The string along mice
Through winter hallways
Of twilight and ice
Napping with Daddy,
Grooming my hand
Through the scariest of surgery
That was never planned.
You were the first, my fur child it's so
My reason for living and for letting you go
You were the first, of all lovely cats
My little Bella, you're a miracle at that
You were the first, you started it all
I miss you Bella in the wonder of Fall
I picked up your ashes, your pawprint in clay
Where are you Bella, are you ions away?
Do you run through green fields
With Gump, Tiger and friends?
Do you find ways back here cause it can't be 'the end'.
I watch our Ruffy, as he closes his eyes
A low rumbling purr, do the others realize?
That you were the first, my soul mate for sure
A million memories wrapped in meows and purrs
The places where you lay, the others now claim
Thats the way of cats, and they aren't to blame
Living in the moment, pacing through all time
Creatures of mystery, comedy sublime
You started it all, Miss Plume tail it's so
I wish that I didn't have to let go
But it had come time, you told us that
Such is the way of a fey gray and white cat
You could see the others through the portal whence you came
So many years ago a kitten without your name
So you leapt up and out, following Alex I know,
I sensed her in the room, and I watched you go
A last little glimpse of a furry plume tail
As you turned for a second and looked back through the veil
And I smiled through the grief and through many tears
I said I love you Bella, my best friend for years
I'll miss you my Bella, how to say thank you
for the miracle in fur-you started Rescue
And now as I sit here, with a list before me
Of cats needing homes, so many, you see
But I feel you at my shoulder, you brush the air
My Patron Saint of Fur, you make us care
For yes, in the words of Ruffy, he of orange fur
We can't give up, yes trust miracles occur
You were the first cat in from the cold
A small funny feline with eyes that were old
My daughter familar, wrapped in lovely fur
Now I can imagine that I hear your purr
As I watch cats in the window, on the bed with your dad
And somehow, blithe spirit....I know you'd be glad.
D.A.H.K October 10, 2012....the day we got Bella's ashes back...
I will love you my little Bellisimo forevrer.
For you...now and Always
October 8th 2012 5:11 am
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Today I'm at the Bridge 2 weeks. Mommy and Daddy miss me. They are in the new apartment. Mommy is sad sometimes and looks at my picture on the wall and is sad. But I let Daddy know last week I was near. I darted in front of his car and dissapeared! Daddy told Mommy. Mommy believes that I stay close to her sometimes-she looks at my picture and smiles and says 'oh Bella, you are my Bellissimo. I love you."
Mommy, I am fine! I miss you but not the body I had as it was giving out. I am well here, and I watch as other furs leave for their people, to leap high and then return...
I'm not ready for that yet, my dear mom, but I stay close to you. I promise you my mom and daddy that I'm well, and never too far away.
I watch over foster Emily Rose and know she'll be in a wonderful home....you are, my mom, so good at finding kitties in need homes....and Emily is safe with you.
I'm scarecly alone here-I'm sitting here after a wonderful breakfast with Gumpy and Sissy and Calvin is telling me how he's inspired his mom to design a 'rescue me' collar...opps....did I spill the beans?
Mommy...I'm your kitty girl, forever. Love is Forever. But I'm going to go over and see what Big Harry and Sally Maria are doing...it looks like a party is being set up. Boo Boo and Squeaker are playing and I may join in... And you know, my son Tiger has been with me and some of my other family....
many many purrs...
From Bellas Mom:
Today for some reason I miss my little girl alot. I miss her sweet little deep voice and the way she was so happy at one time. I know at the end she wasn't feeling so well....she no longer played...
I'm glad she's not in pain or uncomfortable...but still wonder if there wasn't more I could have done...
I miss my Bella....my friendy friend, my sweet heart.
I love you Bella.
September 24th 2012 4:50 am
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Daddy nickname for you...because I called you My little weasel when I first got you. You had such a scraggly sparse coat...so many litters of kittens, and taking care of them outside. It was a miracle, really you let us get your litter in, and you came with them. You trusted me. That was always the amazing part. You didn't need trapping, you walked right in and looked at me, like 'what now?'
It always broke my heart, putting those kittens up for adoption. You were such a great mom. You missed them. You cried and searched the house. We tried to give you new ones to take care of that needed mothering..you wanted none of it. That was sad too.
I found you a home...but you hid all the time. You wouldn't come out. You knew you didn't want to be there. After 3 weeks my friend told me that he thought you wanted to come home to me...and he was right. You leapt up on the bed like it was your own....because it was.
You were so funny....I remember you kicking your catnip toys on the bed, sleeping in the sun, moving from room to room to get the sun....that was so amazing that you did that...following the sunbeam.
When I was hit by the car, you were with me through the surgeries, sleeping close by, my little furred therapist, nursing me through depression. You were so careful after i had my heart surgery, sleeping tucked against my leg.
and then when Daddy came...you began to sleep in his lap. and I knew he was the man who despite everything, was the 'Cat Daddy' who would stay with us and be part of our family.
You allowed Ruffy in...you knew, even if you didn't much care to share, that he was special...and you kept your room, your domain, but you allowed him in.
I remember you laying on the bed, and having a kitten dream...a series of little squeaks and cries, and you would wake up, searching for your babies...and I would hug you and tell you all was well, and the babies were ok.
I wonder...did you meet up with Tiger, who we felt was your last feral baby, the cat that always looked so sad, we tried trapping...but he was just so canny. He was yours, I think...and he dissapeared a few months before the move...or we would ahve found some way to get him....
Is he with you now...and are you, my sweetheart, content and well?
I miss you Bella. I miss you.
September 23rd 2012 2:19 pm
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I miss you so much. I went to get your medicine ready this morning, and realized I didn't need to. I keep looking over at the loveseat. It was only yesterday Ruffy sat on your 'spot'.
We are moving this week-it's a weird feeling, we really wanted you to come with us. Something told me you woulndn't be making that trip.
I feel so guilty, could I have tried another medicine, should I have had blood work up done?
But I believe, though you could walk, and got around, with the not eating and the restlessness...and the going different places we hadn't seen you do before that you were ready.
There is a hole in my heart, for you were so much a part of my life. You were from my days at Humane, bittersweet days at a job I loved, a life I loved, that was taken from me. You were my first real 'my cat' and you and I belonged to each other. I knew when you curled up on Daddys lap you had accepted him, and you were letting me know that he was ok.
I miss you...I will always recall your deep little meow, your 'kitten dreams' and your way of looking at me when you wanted something.
You were so thin near the end...I imagine you now at the height of your beauty, your coat finally grown in and your lovely lovely gaze...
Momma loves you baby. Momma loves you
September 20th 2012 9:36 am
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Hi Mommy, Hi Daddy,
Hi Ruffy, Smokieboo, Princess, Natalie and little CK. Hello little Foster girl Smokieblue.
Oh gosh....I am happy, Mommy. I am ok. I am not ill any more. Just now Gumpy and I are curled up under a tree and we are rolling around playing with some wonderful catnip toys like I always liked.
I'm not sick anymore, I'm still gaining strength and I am being groomed by my Angel Alex, who, yes, with a delegation came for me. Gumpy told me they did that for him, too, and it's to make our people know we aren't alone, we are surrounded by all that is the Wonder of Cat.
What is it like here? Well, if I could smile, I would. I can only say that it is what you want it to be...warm and sunny, cool when you get too warm, there is catnip, and wonderful grass to lay in and lots of kindness.
There are good things to eat, and wonderful fun things to do....I have been meeting everyone, too, and it's a bit overwhelming, but so wonderful!
I am so happy Mommy and Daddy...really. I'm ok. Alex told me I would be-she purred around me, and told me that I will see you again, that it's not 'the end' as Ruffy knows...that there is no 'death'. You looked upon my still mortal body, wrapped in peace. You even asked Dr. M to come in with her stethascope to listen and make sure I was really 'gone'. I looked at peace-daddy and Dr. M said I left 'quickly' but my little body was so peaceful looking...and there was reason, all was fine and good.
Now, I wanted to let those furs left behind in my earthly space know that I bequeath them all my warm, soft spots to sleep in, my catnip toys. I leave Natalie and Smokie, who loves them my heating pads, for I don't need them here, it's lovely.
I leave them all my water dish on the end table, my spot on the sofa. I leave them my warm blankets, my nice brushes. I leave them whats left of my special foods, and my treats.
And what else do I leave?
I need leave nothing....for it was bequeathed to them the day they came 'in from the cold'. They are magickal creatures, fey, funny, loving, gentle, fierce and unbelievable. They are, in short, Cats. And they were born with a wonderful Legancy.
Think of me, Furs...for I will brush past those sparkling tendrils of web to cross over and make sure you're ok...CK....behave yourself....Ruffy, enjoy your meals...Smokie...you will have more of Mommy and Daddy....Prinny...well, you have your confidence, Natalie, you are you, what can one say? SmokieBlue...you are safe....
and to all here....I stand up on my hind paws and allow Alex to assure me that my wings will soon be evident, and I already am feeling so much stronger....I am, and always will be your Kitty Girl, Momma, Daddy, your Beasel Weast....
I have not ceased, Mommy and Daddy...I have returned to that we all have come from...and I am ok.
I send you so much love.
And I weave around all shades of fur, all textures, all lengths...I am awed by the beatuy of Hazel Lucy, and am so comforted by Buddie....and I am watching Squeaker chase a point of light across the meadow...and Cee Cee and I touch noses and we KNOW.
Gumpy is right here with me...my friend, and we are learning this place together, together once more as meant to be.
And we will never leave our pawrents....
we love you...always and forever
September 19th 2012 10:54 am
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This is Bella's Mommy, her very very sad person.
It's with both sadness and in some way,feeling guilt on my part, relief to let everyone know that a little while ago we had to help Bella to cross to the Bridge.
Last night Bella was not herself....she had been not well as she used to be for awhile, but this was more...she was very restless, walking around, looking, looking....'talking' at the window and in the corner of the end table to someone we could not see...but she could.
Then today she was hungry, was given fluids, ate a tiny bit, but kept looking for something more.
Nothing satisfied her. She paced and paced and paced. We gave her baby food, fresh deli roast beef and chicken, and she was not satisfied...she'd eat a little, then stop and look like 'what else do you have for me.....
and nothing was what she wanted. She she couldn't get comfortable...she went into the corner of the end table and stared and stared at the wall...and then was looking up and out at the window....Ruffy's Spot.
This morning CK licked the top of her head. My Clowder gathered around her.
This morning she was offered 5 different foods. She ate a few bites and left them. She was agitated. We came from the bedroom and she was sitting in the bathtub, staring at the side of it.
Husband took her to the vet, I went to work. I got the call soon after I got to work....
Dr. M, (little Vet) was in tears. She told us that she believed Bella's body was shutting down. She said she had lost a 1/2 lb. She was down to 4 1/2 lbs.
She said that she did not know what was happening, but she said that she bleieved it to be her body giving out. We talked for a very long time. We had the option of doing a blood work up on her, and seeing.....
but we looked...and we knew.....we did because as I watched her staring into the wall and pacing the room....
this was a cat who was always fastidious, who had ceased to groom, who loved to eat, and who had at her prime weighed 10lbs.
Dr. M. felt that to put her through more...it was up to us.
And we didn't.
Held in Daddy and Mommys arms, hugged by Rachel and Dr. M 'Aunt Tif' my girl left her body.
Oh, that I could tell you that I am ok...and I am. I will be. Bella leaves a legacy of love. She is heart of my heart.
It's so hard to know she won't be there to greet me, waiting for her supper.
As we waited for Dr M....the room grew very cold....husband said to me...it just got very cold in here.
In the corner manifested a lovely, lush and very sweet grey tabby, hazy around the edges, but with huge wings. She was so real that when Rachel came in she moved to the other side of the door.
She was there as she always is....and I'm glad she came, that she hasn't indeed left the comfort of her wonder and helping others...and comforting pawrents.
Thank you Angel Alex. Look after my baby girl, please, all the greats up there. I know you will. Please let me have a sign my girl is ok.
Baby, we miss you. Daddy and I miss you.
Thank you Alex.
And thank you whoever frisked with CK last night and this morning. You made us laugh and we needed that.
Gumpy...take care of my baby.
Mommy and Daddy
September 15th 2012 5:01 am
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Well, Daddy took me and guess what? I lost a 1/4 of a lb, which isn't good, but which Mommy can't understand because I am eating alot and always hungry. Ruffy is going to be so jealous though...The Vet said that I could have boiled chicken in my food. Mommy will try it, but I no longer get chicken cat food because I don't tolerate it...so not sure. My red blood cells are up, so that stuff I get in a shot every 3 days is working.
I am hanging in there..Mommy and Daddy wish I could up on some weight, but I'm skinny and tough. The other day I tumbled off the loveseat trying to get to the plate of food before it was put down. Mommy was scared, then laughed.
She is always wahing my face, she says I stick it right in my food to get to it and she is like 'Bella-take it easy'
But I'm hungry Mommy!!1
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