April 18th 2013 5:56 pm
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I knew this day would come but I wasn't ready for it. You have been sick for a long time, about a year. You never got over a respiratory infection and it got the best of you. Little by little your body withered away until you were just skin and bones. You ate so heartedly though. I dewormed you several times hoping it would help but it didn't. Yesterday was the first time I saw a change in you...you ran to the food when I opened the can but then you just sniffed it and sat there. So, I opened another can and you jumped up on the cat tree to get to it...but again, you just sniffed it. I knew then that there was something wrong.
I took you out on the porch and you walked around and sniffed. You drank out of the fountain several times. You acted normal but I knew something wasn't quite right. I held you in my lap and you just sat there and looked around, sniffed the wind and purred the whole time. Then I brought you inside and you slept next to me all night long. When I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, you followed me and you went to the bathroom. Nothing seemed different. After I got up to get ready for work, I put you in the dog kennel in the kitchen so you had you own space, food, water and litter box. You ate a little bit of the fancy feast but I think that was only to appease me you were fine. You tried to run out of the kennel when I went to pet you, give you a kiss on your head and tell you I loved you. You sat by the kennel door when I left for work. Everything was normal.
Then I came home 12 hours later and I found your lifeless body laying on the blanket in the kennel. Your body was stiff and cold and I know you've been gone for awhile. I know you died alone because you didn't want to see me cry. I feel guilty that you died alone but that was how you wanted to go. You spared me the heart break of watching you die in my arms and crying for hours as I watched your body shut down. You made sure my last memories of you were positive and happy ones and those were the same memories you have of me as you died alone. I know I didn't deserve you and I pushed you away so many times when all you wanted to do was be by my side and be loved on by me. I was so busy all the time and I know you suffered when I didn't have time to spend with you. You knew you were loved though and I know you loved me. I am glad I spent your last night on earth with you. You died knowing you were loved and for that I am grateful. I will truly miss you Tux and will never forget you. I loved your persistence but I am so sorry you had to keep trying just to get love and attention from me. You didn't deserve that treatment and I didn't deserve your love and attention but you kept trying anyway. You never gave up, right up until the end. You hold a special place in my heart and I hope you forgive my shortcomings towards you. I hope to see you at the bridge some day and will give me a second chance to right the wrongs I've given you. Thank you for sharing your life and your love with me. You are forever in my heart Tux. Rest in peace my sweet boy. Til we meet again. I love you with all of my heart and soul Tux!
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