September 26th 2013 10:00 am
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I haven't updated as it's been one of the hardest weeks of my life, so I apologize to all of our friends out there both four-legged and two-legged. I wanted to let everyone know what happened to Avail last week.
We took her in Monday for what was supposed to be and ended up being her last surgery for feline mammary cancer. We came to pick her up and while she seemed drowsy, she was alert, just exhausted. As the evening progressed we saw that she was struggling to get up and so I immediately took off the Fentanyl patch, as that was the only new factor of this surgery. Well, by morning it looked like she was feeling somewhat better. She woke up and went to the bathroom with the help of her daddy because she was all bundled up in a onesie to cover her drainage tube. Afterward, she walked out into the living room but then she just collapsed. She began to pant and we immediately went to the vet. We called her oncologist and got permission to pick up the medicine to counterattack the Fentanyl. It's actually really rare for cats to have an adverse reaction to it, but considering Avail was one of a kind, maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised.
She started to look like she was getting better by noon and was showing more awareness and her body temperature was going up. It had gone down some time in the morning, probably when she collapsed. Her heart rate was strong but she was still panting.
Around 2p she started crashing hard. We had to rush her over to the emergency vet and she had to be resuscitated once. Her heart never stopped, but her breathing did. My husband and I cried not knowing what to do as we don't have the money to pay for any of what was going on. We had just spent what little we had on the surgery.
We had to give her a chance, her body temperature was going up to normal, her blood pressure was going back up, she was breathing on her own without the aid of an oxygen machine, she was aware... when I saw her she looked exhausted but she was looking at me. I pet her on the head and kept telling her, "It's okay baby girl, it's okay. Mommy loves you so much." It broke my heart to see her react to me and try to stand up. I know how much she wanted to live, love, and stay with us. She was getting her chance.
She had to be monitored constantly in hopes of progress. My husband and I hadn't slept in 2 days and needed to take a nap. We called every hour for a couple of hours hoping for improvement. There was nothing. She was all of a sudden in some sort of vegetative state. They tried to find out what was wrong and found out that there was internal bleeding. Not only could they not find the location from where the bleeding was coming from but it had been going into her brain.
They told us that she was probably brain damaged and blind. My heart broke. It's still breaking. We knew what we had to do. We tried so hard to save, so hard, so did the doctors. We did everything we could but Avail would not be making it out of this.
We gave her pets, especially chin scratches which were her favorite. It looked like she could see us. Maybe she could. I'd like to believe that she knew we were there and that we were going to make all of the suffering and pain stop. We've always done that right? Mike held her in his arms and I stroked her head and gave her so many kisses. I kept whispering, "It's okay baby, it's okay. Mommy and daddy are here. We love you so much. We love you. Don't be scared. It's okay. We'll see you again someday. We love you baby." I watched her eyes as the life faded from them and her breathing stopped. Avail was gone. After everything she's gone through in this life, she was truly gone.
And throughout everything...her heart remained strong. She was a miracle.
This has been extremely hard for me to write as I have to relive the memory when I do it. I'm crying while typing this over her battle, her last day of suffering, the amazing people that helped support us through her fight...everything.
If it weren't for contributions from friends like you all, then we never would have had the year and a half we had with Avail. She wasn't supposed to make it beyond last year, but she did. She did. I can't thank everyone enough for the wonderful memories that we were allowed to make with sweet Avail.
Avail was my soul mate and my heart aches every moment that she is gone. Words can never come close to explaining the feeling of emptiness without her.
Any donations that were made in the last week of Avail's life went towards her ER bills and having her cremated and brought home where she belongs. She now shares a spot on my bookshelf (my books are what I treasure most in this world other than my family and furbabies, who are family too...I guess that was redundant) with her brothers Opie and Charlie. Wherever she is, I know she is free of pain. That's all I ever wanted for her. To live a happy and pain-free life. That's what everything was for...it was for her.
I love you more than anything my sweet Avail and I will one day see you again. I will never stop missing you.
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I kind of know what you're going through. My Alex had triaditis and was doing much better, recovering nicely. When one day changed it all. She woke up, ate like normal, then suddenly began to pant and her third eyelid was showing. I raced her to the vet and she had a temp. I won't get into all the other details but it was a horrible horrible day as I lost her in the car on the way to the ER that night. I'll never get over it as long as I live and she was my soulmate. She died of a pancreatic infection due to sepsis. So I feel so awful for you right now and know that nothing I can say will really take that pain away for you. All I can do is tell you I understand and offer you some hugs. Reading this all made me cry so hard. I'm so sorry you and your husband are suffering this heartache.
We think it was very brave of you to write this, so soon after the events you describe. We CONTINUE to think of you & I'm purring for you and McCow - I'm glad he's there for you and I'm glad Avail's home again with you where she belongs, where she was SO loved and SO cared for.
MomKatt & I love you all.
It is never easy to write what happened in the end of our sweet fur babies fight with an illness. Know this you writing here is a way of healing and each of here know in some ways what you went through and how much it hurts. I know because my Tallulah fought and wanted to live so I was there for her to the end.
Letting Avail go shows how much you love her and always will.
My Tallulah has been gone 3 yrs now and the emptiness never goes away we all just learn to go on, but I know my sweet girl and Avail live in our hearts.
She knows you did everything for her and more, she knows how much you love her and what she meant to you.
You all are in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. May you find a little peace and lots of love coming to catster because this is the best place to be and write about your feelings because we do understand and we do care.
Sending our love, QT sends you butterfly kisses
OT and Mom
We feel for you and know how difficult it is write about it. You are such loving and caring pawrents and did so much for her. We will be purring for you and McCow as you heal from this loss.
Angel Siggy and Furmily
Sending your lots of purrs. We're so sorry for your loss.
Dear Avails Mommmy,
To say we are so sorry for your pain doesn't even cover what we want to express. That said, there should be a medal for you and Avails daddy.
You are heroes, and you did all possible, as much as you could. We wish we could lick away your pain, purr you back to being fine, and give you Avail back.
Purrs and loves to you...much love.
Here is the hug I wish I could give you. ((hug)). Sometimes, as much as we try so hard, there is no more that can be done. You can see that she did not want to leave you, her little body just could not fight anymore. There truly is a place in heaven for you both, and one day you both will be with her again. I wish I could have sent more, but I am glad that it helped you a little bit. purrs, from Tig, Maizy, Smitty & Felix & mom