Catster

return to top

TROUT TOWNE'S TRIBUNE

POOL SAFE TIPS

Live frum SCAT tee vee; it be de news at noon but a wee bit late coz like we wuz sleepin N just now waked up at 1:18 pm

Meowlo’z ta everee one frum trout towne tee vee givin sum shout outs N headbonks... pree tend onlee coz if we head but de camera itz gonna hurt like de ba jezuz... sew pre tend head bonks ta R sister stayshun WCAT 9 in Scottsdale with extree headbonks ta professor VIOLET O Grady R butter lovin pal who bee in de knead oh sum blessings oh st francis

Sinz we iz always talkin trout, we thought we wood spruce up de mews storee two day with sum pool safe tee tips... after all whatz a pool with out trout but a big waterin hole

With summer fast approachin tho for sum it bee fast leevin, its all wayz helpful ta follow sum simple steps ta en sure ewe haza safe pool... we hope theez tips can offer sum add vise... coz like just a few months bak ther be a bit oh trubull involving a pool with a fellow catster memburr(z)

We will head on over ta sauce of fishbone; sheriff oh trout towne with these summer pool safe tee tips

Cheese grin

Tanx mew who ever haz been talkin????

That wood bee me.. yur brother tuna

OK then, ya sounds diffrunt on tape !

hope this broad cast finds everee one nappin ore eye guess knot, leest til this storee has finished airin anymew

A couple oh months bak, N bein sheriff, eye wuz called two a seen ta investigate a possy bull pool saftee vio layshunz:

PB indiscreshun

PB indiscreshun iz like WAY werst then al gee, tho we purrsonal lee don’t know al, bugs floatin on de water, two much food colorin sew ya look green when ya climb out, or a improper lee posted safe tee roolz sheet bout knot drinkin de water N peein in de pool like stooooooooooopid burds due ina burd bath

De PB indiscreshun kneaded ta be investigated at de home of de wife oh ORVIS who, for privacy reezonz we shall call VISOR

Seems a naybor had been invited for a fish fry at de pool oh de wife oh visor back in march... N de naybor noez full well visor bee married ta his wife... knot his.. meenin de naybors wife... but visors wife... coz like de naybor iz knot married... but visor is ??????

anymew he seed with his own eyes de PB indiscreshun in da pool N after contactin a pool kleenin crew with NOE ree sults, he called visor who trust me, bee like shocked bee yond electrizitee ta lurn his wife XENA had PB indiscreshun in de pool.

Visor contacted me N we wented under cover to inn vestigate this PB indiscreshun

We set out in de squad car at 3:22 pm one day, N headed south, south east on root 2 ...took de 76 ta de 376 bak ta de 205....

Long de way orvis showed me a pick sure oh de missus as we sat chillin in a neer by undisclosed café, hiz wife wife iz trooly bee ewe tee ful N we could see de knead for discoverin de PB indiscreshun pronto

Fast forward ta like 4:18 that day when we pulled up de home of ********* located on whatcha callit street ta begin R steak out

Visor fired up de grill N we had sum steak, friez, few burgers, couple pounds oh fish and we wuz getting reddy ta haz sum pie when de naybor came out ta de squad car

eye began questionin de naybor if there had been other pools with PB indiscreshun in de naybor hood N him confirmed NOE, there had knot been...sew eye new we hada ice oh lated case and purrhaps de pool of visor’s wife was just in knead oh repair

De naybor toll us all he knew... wuz it neer lee covered de pool... was white N orange... N XENA kept ree ferrin two it az

POOL BOY

Without further ado, we both raced round ta de bak yard N sur enuff there wuz PB indiscreshun

Da PB wuz across de diving board and it looked like there wuz knot gonna be any way either visor ore myself wuz gonna bee able ta easily remove da POOL BOY POOL BOY

With this beein said, eye just wanna ree mind everee one de next time there bee sum PB indiscreshun in yur pool, don’t wait until its two late ta seek help... as it may bee trooly hard ta ree mewve it which knot onlee can coz heart ache, but cash out de wazoo coz oh like legal matters ore sumthin

Az ta visor N hiz wife, they refuse ta talk bout de “incident” tho last eye hurd de missues haz made a mew friend frum florida who odd lee enuff haz de initials: PB

Ree portin frum SCAT tee vee, this iz sauce of fishbone, haza grate N safe holly day week oh end

peace out N rock on

A FISH TAIL

And now your news at noon on WCAT 9

Do dada ling dud ding

Good afternoon Scottsdale, it’s another hot day, I hope everyone is staying cool and enjoying their afternoon. We would like to welcome to WCAT today, our sister station, SCAT and today’s news at noon will be featured live...I think...from trout towne !

Hi, can you hear me Dai$y.... I hope all is well in trout towne. Can you tell us exactly where you are broadcasting from ?

Hi Samoa I can hear you just fine and as far as my location is concerned, no I can’t...I don’t have the faintest idea where trout towne is, neither do the boys or anyone else for that matter. Several years ago I boarded what I thought was a luxury liner that was about to embark on a south sea’s excursion and I ended up on this god forsaken island in the middle of nowhere, and now I’m being forced not only to live amongst these fish mongrels called boomer, tuna N sauce but also to fore-go shopping as there’s not a shopping mall within SIGHT

OMC dai$y, I’d loose it, how do you maintain your sanity girl

It’s not easy Samoa, and you know, living with the 3 hogs that I do will surely find me saint hood some day....sigh....

anyway since the story this afternoon is all about zoey, and the extremely rare and valuable koi we are shipping, I guess I should get right to this broadcast.

I hope she understands the encrypted message I hid under the koi; I enclosed it in an island sampler weaving I made. It’s an SOS of sorts to get me out of here, as I wasn’t about to set sail with the boys and be trapped within close confines with them for days on end

Great thinking Dai$y, Zoey’s one smart gal, I KNOW she’ll understand your message. Tell us a bit about the koi while we wait to hear from the hogs.....I mean the boys

Sure Samoa, the koi being shipped is one of the most rare and valuable of it’s species, called the bekko and truthfully I don’t know that much about this fish.

as I understand it, Zoey’s mom has been waiting for YEARS to have a koi pond put in and this mother’s day, one actually went in ground, compliments of eric and paul. A couple of weeks ago eric and paul contacted us, knowing our love of fish, and asked if we would deliver it on the SS dude to Zack and Zoey; of course we agreed, and the bekko arrived yesterday via private leer jet to trout towne.....eric and paul are richer than buffet and gates combined you know, and trust me if I didn’t have a fear of flying I would have been on that jet in a hot minute but as it.....

Craaaaaacccckkkkleeeeee....crackkk......


HAY dai$y....yoooo woooooo....it be uz....we haz final lee getted heer ta de Z & Z ranchero

we dropped anchor just south oh newport beach finded sum dood who drived us round de 405 til we final lee toll him ta stop de car coz we had sum fish ta deliver ta ******************* street bee fore it started stinkin and

Yea, yea, yea, would one of you open the cooler so we can show the viewers this FABulous fish before Zack and Zoey take him away

Shirley we can ....flip flip...... pop

heer it bee !
heer it be !

Boomer; What in the name of all that’s bastet...that’s a rainbow trout...NOT A KOI

WHERE IS THE KOI

BOOMER

Hay, don’t look at me eye bee de chef N noe my fish may bee sauz iz noe in wear him iz....

don’t look at me eye iz sheriff, knot a detective

TUNA

TUNA?????

TUNA....OPEN YOUR MOUTH

Eeehhhh
eeehhhh

TUNA

you ATE the koi

Eye dunno what eye eated all eye noe iz it bee a long journee and eye waked up bout 3:24 one morn and kneaded a slite snak, sew, eye finded a nice hunk of fish layin on some weeds ore sumthin ina kewler, eye tossed de mat oh weeds over board, did a bit oh fishin, catched this trout, put him bak in de kewler N there ya haz it

Samoa, are you hearing this

I am dai$y and if we lose broadcast connection, well, it’s on purpose; I’m not in this mess....…best to you

Oh lord, here comes Zoey now

Welcome to the Z & Z ranchero trouters, bring the koi and come on; Zack and I will show you the super cool pond eric and paul put in for our mom

Hi dai$y ....how ARE you doing

Hi....Zoey.....uh.....uh....

Well, come on boys, Zack’s already at the pond and our godfathers eric and paul will be here later to see the koi and see to it that you are..

godfathers???

ewe meen like GOD FATHERS....

like de doods capone, N vizzini N bonanno

Uh, ewe noe Zoey, we just remembered de high tide will be comin in soon sew we reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely gotta get bak ta de SS dude sew we can bee settin sail for trout towne....uh,we meen for an un disclosed loycayshun sew like tell Zak we said meowloz N heerez de kewler N okey dokee we gotta go NOW N we trooly trooly love eric N paul N all rightie then..we iz ouutta heer like....

Uh, wonder what that was all about

Got any idea’s dai$y.....maybe it’s a boy thing huh.....

Dai$y...

Dai$y....????? anyone?????

MOTHZ

And now for your noon news on 9

Chinga ching ching dada ling

Good afternoon WCAT viewers and I hope everyone is staying cool this Thursday. Temperatures are expected in the mid 90’s today so I hope your A/C is in working order

I’m Samoa McBoa here at the anchor desk, let’s head on out to Newmie at noon in the hot air traffic balloon

Good afternoon Newmie; how’s it looking out there today, we’re glad you FINALLY made it back to Scottsdale

Thanx Samoa and believe it or not traffic on the Dixie is running smoothly though you can bet by tomorrow it’ll be bumper to bumper and speaking of bets; I’ve got my trained eye on Daddy Nose Best to win this year’s derby and while there’s only a 30 percent chance of rain Saturday there will be some hot air

Newmie, there’s some hot air alright and I DON’T mean with the forecast...DARE I ask why you are in Louisville

I triple double triple dog dare you to ask me Samoa

What are you...three??

I AM three Samoa....maybe you should place a bet on...

is his contract about up...let’s head right on over to Groovin Gleek St Rickland with a local look at what’s happening in Scottsdale this weekend..Groovin G

Thanx Samoa, I’m outside the Scottsdale Quarter where pre ticket sales are brisk for this weekend’s opening of the new mewvie Killer Moth Mega Moth starring beepers Mc Buddy.

This flick has been getting rave reviews from coast to coast and is being labeled as THE contender for next year’s academy award winner in the suspense, action, and special effects category and undoubtedly Mc Buddy stands a good chance for taking home the trophy for best male performance of the decade

Samoa, I’ve been invited inside so viewers of WCAT channel 9 can catch a sneak peek preview; come along in and let’s watch

Roll film....whirrrrrrrrrrrr

“ From the Litterbox Lab of PKS in southern Ontario, comes a horror few have seen and no one can conquer .. the diabolical machinations from the PKS lab have bred a killer moth; one capable of laying waste to the city of Albuquerque; specifically in the home of one ashlynne *********

“dad I’m begging you, don’t try and fight this...this...thing...you can’t possibly win; the moth dad...it’s 55 feet wide and weighs 555 pounds.....dad..please....
dad I'm begging you

Ashlynne, I must, not only is the city under invasion but PKS have targeted MY home, and MY daughter the moth can’t be THAT large...whoa
the moth can't be THAT large...whoa

stay here ash
stay here ash

Moth…you **********!)(@)!(@)*()!@********!@(*)$%$!@&^*@#!(*(!@#(((_!@ )_!@#)_#!# ARE DEAD
ARE DEAD

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT...bop...dad...dad...DAAAAAAAAD !!!
dad...DAAAAAAAAD

ooof...I’m OK ashlynee...moth....YOU ARE MINE
YOU ARE MINE

( insert scary dramatic music of your choice here while the final fight scene takes place )

And I have turned you back into the larvae of which you were born
larvae

PKS doesn’t stand a chance against Beepers Mc Buddy
Mc Buddy

Well, Samoa, I was on the seat of my pants or the edge of the chair or under the desk however that saying goes, this mewvie gets 25 paws up from me

this is Groovin G headed back to the station and turning the noon news back over to you Samoa

Samoa???

Sa moe ah !!!

That Beepers Mc Buddy is.......swoon

Well, have a safe and happy Thursday WCAT viewers, I’m Samoa McBoa and I’m taking an early lunch break to get a mewvie ticket